When People Tell You "No"

I am sure we have all hit a point in life when someone told you that you couldn't do something. Some people will hear this and quit, while others will hear it and fight back. I have enjoyed my moments of both, but what do you do when it is something that you feel is something you are called to, and every bone in your body feels it, but someone says "no" and all the sudden you have to fight and prove somehow that you do in fact feel what you do?

For those of you that are more unfamiliar with the ordination process in the Presbyterian church, here is the readers digest version: Year 1- Inquirer, this is when you spend a lot of time discerning whether or not you do in fact feel called to ministry (this is done both individually and through discussions with others); Year 2- Candidacy, after the presbytery decides that they agree that you feel called they decide if they feel that you are called; Ordination, when a church (i.e. God) calls you. So basically, it is 3ish years of people questioning your every move and telling you "no"... or so it seems.

To start my official Inquirer year, I had to go before the presbytery and answer all kinds of questions. As I told my mom following the meeting, I would rather go into five music auditions unprepared than do that again. I don't know that I would say it didn't go well or I didn't like it, because it did go well and I did like it, however it was tough. For an hour I had to answer questions about what I have done in the past, am doing now, and what I plan to do in the future. Questions covered a range from finances to the loss of a friendship two years ago. I expected to be put through the ringer, however I felt that with every question I answered, my personal thoughts and feelings were being judged more and more. They were, but in a good way. But, for an hour I sat there defending every choice I have made and relating it to the decision to go to seminary.

So, back to the original thought- What do you do when people say "no" to what you truly feel is right? This happens to us everyday, whether it be a decision to pursue a project at work or choosing between fries and a fruit cup. We live our lives in judgement and judging. I have grown up fighting against every judgement, the most prominent for most of my life being trumpet. When I was 8 years old and got it in my head to play trumpet, my Grandfather thought that girls shouldn't play, so I spent the next 15 years fighting to prove to him that not only should girls play but they can be much better than boys. That is just my attitude. I fight back. Tell me no, I will say yes. Tell me yes, I will probably say no just to spite you :D But what should we really do?

Growing up we are told that when someone slaps us, just turn the other cheek. In fact, this is even in the Bible (Matt. 5: 38-42). My only problem with this is the other person always gets their way. Am I wrong to always fight back or is it good that I stand up for myself? Here is the thing that I think is most important: Don't be stupid and let things get out of hand- stand up for yourself in a responsible manner, without damaging the other person. When my Grandfather reluctantly started teaching me, I just pushed harder than ever to be good rather than tell him that I could do it. When I go before these committees over the next few years and they challenge my every thought, I just explain myself but don't turn it against them.

There are ways to respond to "No" without just taking it as the final call and giving up. I think that we all need to keep that in mind. We just need to not be stupid with it. Hearing the word "no" hurts a lot, hearing people challenge something you feel to be important is hard, but that doesn't mean you just give up. You keep pushing, but don't push the person. I don't think Jesus meant to just lay it all down and give up when he told us to turn the other cheek in the Sermon on the Mount. I think Jesus was telling us to not return the favor. You can still succeed without hurting the opposing party.

As Grandaddy has always told me, "Don't tell someone how good you are, just play and let them hear how good you are." I think the same goes for when someone challenges you- don't fight back and tell them they are wrong, keep pushing yourself and SHOW them they are wrong. Actions are a lot stronger than words anyway!

One more thing as I close out my last post before seminary begins:

When people tell you "no" or challenge what you are presenting, it isn't always to hurt you. I like to think that Grandaddy challenged me for so many years because he knew that it would only keep me pushing that much harder. Just the same, these committees only question my every thought because they want me to dig down that much deeper and understand things even better. People aren't always out to get you, even though it may seem that way at the time, which is another reason it is so so so important that you just keep your mouth shut and SHOW them rather than tell them!

I have a strong feeling this is something I will be doing every second of every day from now on... Lord, give me strength... and SILENCE! :)

So, here ends the pre-seminary posts! (unless of course I get the urge to post again lol). Check back next Wednesday for the first post from Union Presbyterian Seminary! Maybe I'll even include a little greek :)