When People Tell You "No"

I am sure we have all hit a point in life when someone told you that you couldn't do something. Some people will hear this and quit, while others will hear it and fight back. I have enjoyed my moments of both, but what do you do when it is something that you feel is something you are called to, and every bone in your body feels it, but someone says "no" and all the sudden you have to fight and prove somehow that you do in fact feel what you do?

For those of you that are more unfamiliar with the ordination process in the Presbyterian church, here is the readers digest version: Year 1- Inquirer, this is when you spend a lot of time discerning whether or not you do in fact feel called to ministry (this is done both individually and through discussions with others); Year 2- Candidacy, after the presbytery decides that they agree that you feel called they decide if they feel that you are called; Ordination, when a church (i.e. God) calls you. So basically, it is 3ish years of people questioning your every move and telling you "no"... or so it seems.

To start my official Inquirer year, I had to go before the presbytery and answer all kinds of questions. As I told my mom following the meeting, I would rather go into five music auditions unprepared than do that again. I don't know that I would say it didn't go well or I didn't like it, because it did go well and I did like it, however it was tough. For an hour I had to answer questions about what I have done in the past, am doing now, and what I plan to do in the future. Questions covered a range from finances to the loss of a friendship two years ago. I expected to be put through the ringer, however I felt that with every question I answered, my personal thoughts and feelings were being judged more and more. They were, but in a good way. But, for an hour I sat there defending every choice I have made and relating it to the decision to go to seminary.

So, back to the original thought- What do you do when people say "no" to what you truly feel is right? This happens to us everyday, whether it be a decision to pursue a project at work or choosing between fries and a fruit cup. We live our lives in judgement and judging. I have grown up fighting against every judgement, the most prominent for most of my life being trumpet. When I was 8 years old and got it in my head to play trumpet, my Grandfather thought that girls shouldn't play, so I spent the next 15 years fighting to prove to him that not only should girls play but they can be much better than boys. That is just my attitude. I fight back. Tell me no, I will say yes. Tell me yes, I will probably say no just to spite you :D But what should we really do?

Growing up we are told that when someone slaps us, just turn the other cheek. In fact, this is even in the Bible (Matt. 5: 38-42). My only problem with this is the other person always gets their way. Am I wrong to always fight back or is it good that I stand up for myself? Here is the thing that I think is most important: Don't be stupid and let things get out of hand- stand up for yourself in a responsible manner, without damaging the other person. When my Grandfather reluctantly started teaching me, I just pushed harder than ever to be good rather than tell him that I could do it. When I go before these committees over the next few years and they challenge my every thought, I just explain myself but don't turn it against them.

There are ways to respond to "No" without just taking it as the final call and giving up. I think that we all need to keep that in mind. We just need to not be stupid with it. Hearing the word "no" hurts a lot, hearing people challenge something you feel to be important is hard, but that doesn't mean you just give up. You keep pushing, but don't push the person. I don't think Jesus meant to just lay it all down and give up when he told us to turn the other cheek in the Sermon on the Mount. I think Jesus was telling us to not return the favor. You can still succeed without hurting the opposing party.

As Grandaddy has always told me, "Don't tell someone how good you are, just play and let them hear how good you are." I think the same goes for when someone challenges you- don't fight back and tell them they are wrong, keep pushing yourself and SHOW them they are wrong. Actions are a lot stronger than words anyway!

One more thing as I close out my last post before seminary begins:

When people tell you "no" or challenge what you are presenting, it isn't always to hurt you. I like to think that Grandaddy challenged me for so many years because he knew that it would only keep me pushing that much harder. Just the same, these committees only question my every thought because they want me to dig down that much deeper and understand things even better. People aren't always out to get you, even though it may seem that way at the time, which is another reason it is so so so important that you just keep your mouth shut and SHOW them rather than tell them!

I have a strong feeling this is something I will be doing every second of every day from now on... Lord, give me strength... and SILENCE! :)

So, here ends the pre-seminary posts! (unless of course I get the urge to post again lol). Check back next Wednesday for the first post from Union Presbyterian Seminary! Maybe I'll even include a little greek :)

Confidence

I have grown up as a rather privileged child in the sense that I don't remember a time that I wasn't confident in myself. I was 5 years old when I began competing in highland dance so all stage fright was knocked out of me at a very young age and has made it possible for me to be relatively successful in some difficult areas of life. Now, please please please don't get this mixed up with ego (something many people accuse me for since I play trumpet). I think ego is when someone is so full of themselves they can't do anything but try to convince people how great they are and need all kinds of great feedback if they are going to keep breathing- I am the one who can't stand applause.

My point with this is this- we all need to be a little confident. God throws so many things at us every day that really test us and push us to the limit. Our confidence doesn't come into play the way it should until we are confident enough to say "I can't do this alone, God please help!". We all have one thing in common that should make us the most confident people around- we have God on our side. We can do anything as long as we recognize that and keep that as a focus in our lives!

I am about to move to Richmond, VA to start a new journey. I am a homebody and Richmond is just a few hours away. I spent 4 1/2 years studying music, not religion. I am entering seminary the way I entered music theory- the bare bones knowledge, but it seems like everyone else knows everything and is ready to analyze some Chopin while I am still figuring how that is a V chord. I feel like I have every reason to freak out right now and run the other direction, however I know that I have God on my side, and I look at all the things he has helped me to do in the past so I KNOW that I can do this as well. I mean, hey, I did finally get through 5 levels of theory in addition to advanced tonal analysis!

I'm going to leave with this prayer now, because it is only here because of God's help. Just another way he has helped me overcome some crazy stuff...

The Lord's Prayer

We all have issues...

I am really trying to re-evaluate myself right now. I have realized that for being the straight forward tyrant that so many people from UNCG might remember me as (at least the ones who hung out in the student lounge), I am actually pretty nice and sugar coat everything. It really takes a lot for me to tell it how it is and there usually isn't a middle ground- it's either nice and sweet or cold and hard and the latter only comes when I am seriously annoyed (hence the abundance of it in the student lounge).

Part of my whole going into ministry thing is that I am working on a 2+ year program will I will evaluate myself and my call (Inquirer) and then other people (i.e. the church/ presbytery) will do the same (Candidate). The beginning of the inquirer phase had me in Charlotte, NC telling some lady I didn't know, all about my life. One of the things that came out of this was what I mentioned above- I am too nice. This is great and all, but part of being in ministry is dealing with the tough stuff that requires you to be tough sometimes.

This morning I was reading my book or Union ("What They Don't Tell You: A Survivor's Guide to Biblical Studies" by Michael Joseph Brown) and it said something that really hit a spot for me...
"The children of Israel are the children of Israel precisely because they wrestled with God... When we deny the reality of people's failings, we deny one of the truths the Bible wants us to confront when attempting to understand what it means to be a human being."
I think the reason I try to be so nice is I don't want people to think I don't like them (even if I really don't), I don't want to hurt their feelings, and I don't want them to feel like something is wrong with them or what they are doing. Now, I am not trying to say that we should go out and hurt people's feelings because it is only human to be wrong, but I am saying that I think it is important that we recognize it is ok to be wrong and we can help people out a whole lot if we help them when they are wrong.

This is something I am really struggling with, but hope to get better. I don't want to be the tyrant that some people know me as, because those that I am closest too know that I am not anywhere close to that. However, I don't want to be so nice that I can't tell people that I love when I think there is a problem. I 100% believe that this is what has led to a lot of fall outs in my life and in the lives of others.

So where do we start? Well, you have to be honest with yourself. What are your fall outs and where are you wrestling with God? I have just written about one of my big ones. Next- how are you going to fix it? Well, I have come clean about mine and now I am really trying to reach out to those I know I have not been honest with because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. It's hard, but I can already tell it is paying off and those relationships are all the better for it. I'm not saying that this is going to fix me, but it is a step in the right direction. Finally, we have to keep going once we recognize our tough areas and how we can go about making them a bit easier. I can't say how it works, but I have a really good feeling that if we stay in touch with the man upstairs he can help us out a bit.

It is ok to wrestle with God. It is ok to not be perfect. No one is... even the children of Israel. Will we ever be perfect? I hope not!! Life would be a lot less fun, but we can definitely work on having fun in a better way.

I hope this made sense... I am really tired and just typing what goes through my head. But think about it tonight- even the Bible says that we have our failings! That doesn't mean we should just accept our own and those of others though- it just means we have completed the first step to fixing them when we recognize this and accept it :) It also helps us tolerate each other a whole lot more!!

Changes

I don't know where this one will go, but stick with me.

Every one of us reaches a point in our life where things are going to change. I think it is quite obvious that I have hit a major changing point. The thing that sucks is this turning point is a lot harder than I ever expected it to be. I have learned more about myself in the last month than I ever wanted to know, and am continuing to learn more. I am moving away from the people that I love most to go have everything I have ever believed, challenged. I am changing career paths and most likely putting the trumpet aside for a while, just when my job schedule and playing has really reached a strong point. Nothing is easy right now.

The worst part of this not being easy thing is that it led me to make some incredibly hard decisions, the hardest of which was to end the most important and fulfilling relationship that I have ever been in. Anyone who ever met Bobby and knows us together probably knows how hard this is. He has been incredible to me, and I have only let him down right now. But sometimes we have to make these hard decisions so that we can move forward. I won't go into details because this isn't the time or place, but I do continue to pray about this and hope that we can make another change in the future.

But sometimes that is how it is. You make one decision that is great, and all the sudden everything after that is a bit more complicated. Here is how I see it though- for every complication that you are able to overcome, you are that much stronger. These are the times that it is so important for us to turn to God and FROG (fully rely on God). He can and will help us get to where we need to be as long as we put all of our faith in him.

I am currently taking part in a Community of Learning through Union. Our most recent discussions were about the separation and combination of theological analysis and faith. When I decided that I needed to go to Seminary, many people told me to be careful because they will "knock the faith out of me". We discussed this online and why some people say this. Here is the thing- when you are studying the Bible the way they do in theological institutions, you are looking a lot deeper than you do in a Sunday School class. I mentioned that being able to keep your faith strong and your studies strong can work hand in hand, avoiding the destruction of faith, but that you must be very prayerful in your study and keep a focus on your faith and studies, that this was a challenge that would only make us stronger as ministers later on. The same works in life- we must stay prayerful and keep faith as our central focus. Things get to be really tough sometimes, just when you think they are going great. Other times they can be really easy. As long as you keep in contact with God through prayer and admit that you really need him in your life, guiding you down the road, I think you will come out ok.

I do ask that you keep me in your prayers as I begin down this road. I don't know what will happen next but I do know that everything is made easier with God's help and the love and support from others. And now, I am going to end this before I completely lose it lol.

Thanks y'all! And keep checking back... I'll have something fun next time :)

Is attention bad?

This morning I was lucky enough to be able to sit down and enjoy some fresh air while I read my book for Union and kinda sipping on a really bad iced coffee. Minus the climbing heat as time passed, it was incredibly enjoyable and relaxing. After sitting there and reading for about 45 minutes (at this point my really bad coffee was dreadful thanks to the melted ice), two ladies sat down at the table next to me. I had overheard one of the ladies thank God for iced coffee on a day like today so of course I chuckled and tried to get back to my reading but then overheard her talking about church on Sunday. I'm not going to lie, my brain was a little fried from the combo of the heat, bad coffee, and lots of heavy reading so my focus turned to them since I am always curious about church experiences. The conversation really got me thinking- she mentioned that she had stood up in church with a few prayer concerns and announcements (nothing out of the norm as far as I am concerned) and that she was sure "the devil was gonna get her for doing it" because you shouldn't call attention to yourself in church, and to top it off, someone publicly thanked her for something she had done for the church.

So here is my question- is it really that bad to make announcements or prayer requests? It is bad to have your name called out in church for something you have done?

I have never really been one to stand up in church until recently when my sister was in the hospital, at which point I was standing up every week asking for prayers. I never once thought that this was bad, but rather a good thing and something that should be done. In addition, I won't lie about the fact that I was a little disapointed when I wasn't recognized by either church I attend when I graduated but others were, or that nothing was ever mentioned when I left church for the last time before seminary and nothing was said by anyone except for one lady who has been very involved in my life. So overhearing this conversation today really hit home for me. Am I a bad person for standing up and asking for prayers for my sister every week or for wanting to recognized for two big events?

Sometimes, I do think that church is not the place for attention and that the focus should really be on God. Then I argue that God has done so much in our lives that it is right to recognize his hand in it, or to recognize that we do need his help. Now, if the focus is removed from God, it is not appropriate. In this lady's case, it sounded like people were thanking her for sharing God's love in a special way and that this SHOULD be done and she should never feel bad about asking for multiple prayers.

Joel 1 says: "The word of the Lord that came to Joel, the son of Pethuel: Hear this, you elders; give ear, all inhabitants of the land! Has such a thing happened in your days, or in the days of your fathers? Tell your children of it, and let your children tell their children, and their children to another generation."

This makes me think that it is OK to spread the word of how God is working in your life, or how you need his hand at work. This is about the locust invasion, but I think that the key part is telling everyone around about the thing that has happened, because there is nothing like it. This goes for all of our lives, not just when we get invaded by a bunch of bugs.

I won't lie... I do kinda like attention. I want to ask for prayers and not feel bad about it, I want to be recognized not for what I have accomplished on my own but for what God has helped me accomplish, and I want to write my blog to share God's word. My life is centered around God, and I don't think that this is such a bad thing the the devil will come get me.

Thoughts??

Trumpet and Faith

This past Sunday I played for the Lenten Cantata at First Baptist Church in Greensboro. Honestly there was nothing to special about this for me since I have played there the fourth Sunday of every month for 20 out of the past 24 months, but I did get thinking about the relation between my music life and my faith life during one of the songs I didn't play on.

Trumpet can be a real beast 99% of the time. One day you can play something great, the next it is terrible (and most of the time it is a minute rather than a day). Well, my control freak comes out when I play even though I know that I really shouldn't. I have a bad habit of freaking out when I am not 100% consistent and I will track everything I play to make sure that it is right (yea, this just makes things worse) rather than just let go and trust that after 15 years of playing, my mind and body know what to do. Well, for the first half of the cantata on Sunday, I tracked and worried and controlled and LOST. I knew what I needed to do, but I didn't do it until I was reminded why I was there. When the preacher invited anyone wanting to become a member to come forward, a young girl in 5th grade came and professed her faith and joined the church, and I was reminded of why I was there.

We can tell ourselves how to do something all day, and we do. How good is that something though if we don't include God? I knew that I was playing for God, but I also had it in my head that I was playing for me. WRONG. My focus needed to be solely on God, the man that gave me my musical gift and who I should be giving it back to. Seeing that young girl reminded and focused me because I couldn't do it myself. That is how it is with our faith sometimes. Even if we know that what we are doing should be for God but we keep doing it for our own glory, we get no where except into a big struggle. As soon as we give everything over to God and remove all focus from ourselves, that is when we will move forward. This is hard to do, just like it is hard to stop thinking about all my technique for trumpet and just play. So how do we do it? One simple phrase I am sure we have all heard many times- LET GO AND LET GOD! As soon as you put 100% focus in God's direction, it is amazing what you can do!

The cool part of this story? As soon as we started playing after the young girl joined the church, I nailed everything and found the tone that I have always loved. I was smiling and just so thankful for that girl and the love that I felt all around and my focus was 100% on God.

Moral of this blog? LET GO AND LET GOD! (It's also a great way to negate the notorious trumpet ego!)

Felicity Update

So it turns out this is a great way to update people about Felicity.

Last I posted was that they were preparing her for surgery. Well, she came out ok and went home a little over a week later. I stayed a night or two with her during that stay but unfortunately had to leave her so I could get back to work. Well, after staying home for a few days (I honestly don't remember her trip home at this point because it was so short), she was back in the ER and then back with her friends in 3 North. Her pancreas was quite angry with her again for one reason or another and decided to make it known... all 3% of it.

Unfortunately she has been there for over a week again (again, they all run together now so I'm not entirely sure) and sadly missed Addison's 2nd birthday and Mother's day but thankfully did see her girls for a bit on Mother's day. Now for the not so good part...

The not so nice doctor for this week came to see her on Monday and has told her that she shouldn't be making plans to go home anytime soon and that she will be in the hospital until she is better (anywhere from 1 week-6 months). She has had to take all kinds of nasty medicine all week to prepare for xrays, counteract those things, and a few more to do other things to her. I saw her on Tuesday but mostly watched her sleep after a very very long night and from what I hear, things haven't changed too terribly much. At this point, she is nationally ranked as one of (if not THE) worst cases of pancreatitis (the other worsts have about 30% of their pancreas left) and specialists have been called in from Tennessee to help out. You know those people you get compared to so you know how good you are? Yea, shes that one... not the good one, but the terrible case you don't believe is real but a figment of the doctor's imagination so you listen to what they are telling you.

Word on the street though is that Eric saw her yesterday (or today??) and she was looking much better! Our whole family has remained on call this week to take care of the girls and go to G-ville to sit with Felicity. I took care of my nieces on Thursday and had a blast, but at the same time wished I wasn't having to. I will say it was a shocker to see Miss Emmalyn (now 9 months) standing up in her crib when I went in to get her! Not to mention the "let's pile on Aunt J and bounce around and tickle her" that happened later in the afternoon :D Mom left today to spend time with F until Monday morning when she will have to come back to Raleigh for work, and I will probably take her place on Tuesday. As you can probably tell, the rotation never ends.

Please continue to keep Felicity and the whole family in your prayers! Hopefully we can get her home soon where she can finish recovering comfortably and with her family. I'm sure there is nothing she wants more right now than to be curled up in bed with her husband, daughters, and two dogs.

If you want to send her a card, her address at the hospital is:

Felicity Barnes
Pitt County Memorial Hospital
2100 Stantonsburg Rd.
Greenville, NC 27835


If you have any other questions, feel free to shoot me a message or comment and I'll get back to you! Thanks again for all of your continued prayers! They mean the world to us!