In today's world, it is easy to lose focus during the holiday season. It is only December 2 and I am already writing this to pull ME back in! We get caught up in the sales, preparations for parties, exams, and for me, graduation. Is it bad to get excited about this stuff? Not necessarily. The problems arise when we make THEM the focus of the season.
Christ-mas.... the coming of Christ. I recent wrote a devotion for my church's advent devotion book and I think it pertains to this topic pretty closely. This devotion is based on Issaiah 11:1-9 which says,
"A shoot shall come out from the stump of Jesse, and a branch shall grow out of his roots. 2The spirit of the Lord shall rest on him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. 3His delight shall be in the fear of the Lord. He shall not judge by what his eyes see, or decide by what his ears hear; 4but with righteousness he shall judge the poor, and decide with equity for the meek of the earth; he shall strike the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips he shall kill the wicked. 5Righteousness shall be the belt around his waist, and faithfulness the belt around his loins. 6The wolf shall live with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the kid, the calf and the lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them. 7The cow and the bear shall graze, their young shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. 8The nursing child shall play over the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put its hand on the adder’s den. 9They will not hurt or destroy on all my holy mountain; for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea. "
Before the time of Jesus Christ, the world was in a sense of upheaval. Israelites, after being freed from the Egyptians and settling into their new lands, forgot God (Psalm 106:21) and believed that their hand and work had brought them their fruits and to this new land (Exod. 3: 7-8). As they continued on in their lives, all calls from God were ignored and they didn’t “do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God (Micah 6:8)”. Even with warnings from God’s prophets, the Israelites still turned a blind eye to their deliverer. Through all of the turmoil and rejection, God never left his children. Isaiah 11:1-9 tells of a shoot that will rise from the stump of Jesse, bringing new life with it. This shoot will bring light into the world through the spirit, making all things good again.
Thankfully for the Israelites, this shoot is so much more than a twig coming out of stump. This shoot is a representation of Jesus Christ, himself. JESUS will come into the world and the SPIRIT of the LORD will rest on HIM. JESUS will not judge others by what he sees or hears, but by righteousness and justice. JESUS will strike the earth with the rod from his mouth and breath from his lips. The world will finally know PEACE.
We are not too different from the Israelites. Our focus has been put on the drama at work, trying to find new ways to pay the bills that don’t seem to stop pouring in, or maybe those exams that are not too far away. We have it in our heads that we have to do everything single-handedly and there is just no way out. We forget to say a quick prayer in the morning because we are so focused on what has to be done that day, and we are so exhausted at the end of the night that we just fall into bed without another thought. Just as the Israelites did, we are turning a blind eye to God. God won’t leave us though! In fact, he will even give us his one and only son, our LORD to help to guide us through the day. Through Jesus, just like the Israelites, we will find justice, mercy, and peace. If and when we live our lives through Jesus, we will find a way to make it through the day. Things may not always be perfect, but no matter what, we will always have Jesus Christ as a sign of God’s undying love for us- even when we do forget to say that little prayer before we run out the door to work.
During this Christmas season, remember that every twig, blade of grass (or pine straw), and every smile you see is another sign of God’s undying love for us. God loves us so much, that even in the midst of turmoil and rejection, he still sent us a shoot in the stump of Jesse to save us from ourselves. That shoot came in the form of a precious baby boy who changed the world then, and continues to do so now.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Happiness
Happiness. It is the key to a good life. But how do we get there???
Recent discussions with Bobby and at Guinness have kept me thinking about this. It is also something that I finally feel like I have a good grasp on and begin to talk about it personally.
Happiness is very different for everyone. For some people, happiness is being able to go to an amusement park and ride roller coasters all day, or spend lots of money, or stay curled up in bed with your dog. Happiness can be spending time with your loved ones, or staying as far away from them as possible. I think one central thing to everyone’s happiness, is that they keep God at the center of it.
Every time that I find myself stressed out beyond control, upset about the little things, and just plain miserable, I realize that I have taken my focus off of the most important aspect of my life- my faith. I have probably gotten “too busy” to take time to say a short prayer, even if it is “Hey God. Thanks!” and instead of opening my Bible for a quick second, I just threw it into the backseat to get it out of the way. As soon as I stop to say a prayer, “God, help me please” I begin to feel stress and misery melt away. My focus has been put on the very central and most important part of my life once again. I then do everything I can to keep going to God and life becomes controllable again, because at that point I know that I am not the one in control but HE is.
I think this is one reason that things have been so great with Bobby. We both make a point to keep God at the very center of our relationship. Our faiths, even though they are slightly different, are not something that we keep quiet and we discuss it regularly. I have also noticed that my relationship with my parents got that much stronger when I began openly talking to them about my faith as I grew up. I have always talked to them about it, but it was different when I began coming into my own beliefs and figuring out my life.
So… key #1 to happiness?? Keep God at the very center of everything. I talk about this all the time on here, but that is because I think it is the most important thing that a person can do for themselves. Now, I am not saying that saying “God, please help me” is going to solve all of life’s problems because he isn’t going to hand you the answers on a silver platter, but if you take that first step and begin working in that way, you will be on the right path.
My step #2? Live your life for YOU in addition to keeping God at the center. You are the first person that you need to take care of because if you are not taken care of, how can you take care of someone else? It took me 21 years to learn this. Last year I finally came to my senses when I realized I was living my life in accordance with what one guy thought. The worst part was he wasn’t even a guy that cared! When I was on my way home after a long day, I broke down and realized that I was falling apart because I never thought about myself and I was always trying to make everyone else happy. That day, I let it all go and began living for ME. That led me to finally getting those seminary applications mailed, realizing that it was ok to talk to leave music and forget what others thought, and I even started dating Bobby (best decision I have ever made for myself!). Now? I am happier than I have ever been. Sure, my family has their comments about obvious parts of my life, but that leads into part two of step #2.
IF THEY LOVE YOU, THEY WILL WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. People will understand that you need to live for YOU and if they really love you, they will want you to be happy. Sometimes people won’t agree with you (ok… all the time), but that is their own problem. If you are truly happy, then go for it!! They will get over it in time.
Keep these in your mind. Find your happiness. Never let go of God. If you do lose focus on God at some point, it’s ok. He loves you and will never lose focus on you or leave you. Just say a quick prayer, and keep smiling!
Recent discussions with Bobby and at Guinness have kept me thinking about this. It is also something that I finally feel like I have a good grasp on and begin to talk about it personally.
Happiness is very different for everyone. For some people, happiness is being able to go to an amusement park and ride roller coasters all day, or spend lots of money, or stay curled up in bed with your dog. Happiness can be spending time with your loved ones, or staying as far away from them as possible. I think one central thing to everyone’s happiness, is that they keep God at the center of it.
Every time that I find myself stressed out beyond control, upset about the little things, and just plain miserable, I realize that I have taken my focus off of the most important aspect of my life- my faith. I have probably gotten “too busy” to take time to say a short prayer, even if it is “Hey God. Thanks!” and instead of opening my Bible for a quick second, I just threw it into the backseat to get it out of the way. As soon as I stop to say a prayer, “God, help me please” I begin to feel stress and misery melt away. My focus has been put on the very central and most important part of my life once again. I then do everything I can to keep going to God and life becomes controllable again, because at that point I know that I am not the one in control but HE is.
I think this is one reason that things have been so great with Bobby. We both make a point to keep God at the very center of our relationship. Our faiths, even though they are slightly different, are not something that we keep quiet and we discuss it regularly. I have also noticed that my relationship with my parents got that much stronger when I began openly talking to them about my faith as I grew up. I have always talked to them about it, but it was different when I began coming into my own beliefs and figuring out my life.
So… key #1 to happiness?? Keep God at the very center of everything. I talk about this all the time on here, but that is because I think it is the most important thing that a person can do for themselves. Now, I am not saying that saying “God, please help me” is going to solve all of life’s problems because he isn’t going to hand you the answers on a silver platter, but if you take that first step and begin working in that way, you will be on the right path.
My step #2? Live your life for YOU in addition to keeping God at the center. You are the first person that you need to take care of because if you are not taken care of, how can you take care of someone else? It took me 21 years to learn this. Last year I finally came to my senses when I realized I was living my life in accordance with what one guy thought. The worst part was he wasn’t even a guy that cared! When I was on my way home after a long day, I broke down and realized that I was falling apart because I never thought about myself and I was always trying to make everyone else happy. That day, I let it all go and began living for ME. That led me to finally getting those seminary applications mailed, realizing that it was ok to talk to leave music and forget what others thought, and I even started dating Bobby (best decision I have ever made for myself!). Now? I am happier than I have ever been. Sure, my family has their comments about obvious parts of my life, but that leads into part two of step #2.
IF THEY LOVE YOU, THEY WILL WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. People will understand that you need to live for YOU and if they really love you, they will want you to be happy. Sometimes people won’t agree with you (ok… all the time), but that is their own problem. If you are truly happy, then go for it!! They will get over it in time.
Keep these in your mind. Find your happiness. Never let go of God. If you do lose focus on God at some point, it’s ok. He loves you and will never lose focus on you or leave you. Just say a quick prayer, and keep smiling!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Standards
I think its interesting what we tend to do to ourselves when something good happens. Everyone has their own standards for themselves... but what is more interesting is our reactions when we don't meet those standards. Here is my own example- I did really well on my first student teaching observation and felt great about everything, but yesterday when I still did well, I didn't do as well. I was annoyed, ticked off, angry, and just plain upset. The thing is, I still did really well and my grade really isn't affected at all, but it was the fact that I didn't meet my own standard.
We are all so hard on ourselves about everything. We feel that we have to be perfect to make others happy, and if we aren't perfect than we aren't happy for ourselves. Here is what I remembered last night though when I finally let go of the anger and tried to figure out exactly why I was so upset...
WE set the standards for ourselves. NOT God and NOT Jesus. They love us no matter what with an unconditional love that a B instead of an A can't change. They only want us to be happy and to live for them, but WE are the ones that put all of the roadblocks in the way that keep us from being happy. We surround ourselves with the people that will put pressure on us to always meet the standards, or will set them for us, when we should surround ourselves with the people who love us exactly as we are and don't need us to meet some standard for that love to stay constant.
I was telling myself that I just wanted to know that I did my absolute best and that I could really do this teaching thing, that I wasn't "leaving" it because I wasn't good but because I really felt called to something else. Here is the thing though- I do my absolute best every single day and I know that I can teach well. I DO feel called to a ministry that DOES incorporate teaching so I am not running away at all, but rather putting a new spin on it. Even better, I know that NO MATTER WHAT, I am loved unconditionally by the one who matters most.
Just an early morning thought... now go out and have a great day, and don't worry if not everything goes your way!
We are all so hard on ourselves about everything. We feel that we have to be perfect to make others happy, and if we aren't perfect than we aren't happy for ourselves. Here is what I remembered last night though when I finally let go of the anger and tried to figure out exactly why I was so upset...
WE set the standards for ourselves. NOT God and NOT Jesus. They love us no matter what with an unconditional love that a B instead of an A can't change. They only want us to be happy and to live for them, but WE are the ones that put all of the roadblocks in the way that keep us from being happy. We surround ourselves with the people that will put pressure on us to always meet the standards, or will set them for us, when we should surround ourselves with the people who love us exactly as we are and don't need us to meet some standard for that love to stay constant.
I was telling myself that I just wanted to know that I did my absolute best and that I could really do this teaching thing, that I wasn't "leaving" it because I wasn't good but because I really felt called to something else. Here is the thing though- I do my absolute best every single day and I know that I can teach well. I DO feel called to a ministry that DOES incorporate teaching so I am not running away at all, but rather putting a new spin on it. Even better, I know that NO MATTER WHAT, I am loved unconditionally by the one who matters most.
Just an early morning thought... now go out and have a great day, and don't worry if not everything goes your way!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Almost there...
My cap and gown (while still in plastic) are hanging in my closet.
My taskstream portfolio is almost complete.
The apartment is gradually emptying as I throw out the trash I have accumulated over the last year and a half.
My room in Raleigh is almost ready.
We are well on our way in the cleaning process of concert music.
I have gone before and been endorsed by session to begin the inquirer process.
It is finally that time, after 22 years of waiting. I am less than two months away from graduation. So what is next? Who knows. I have put in applications for substitute teaching, I have thought about just teaching lessons, and I have thought about just taking it easy for a few months. Either way, I am finally almost out of here.
It is crazy to see this chapter of my life come to a close in what seems like a whirlwind at this point. I keep finding myself think back to freshman year when I was able to stay up til 3am and wake up at 6am and my concerns revolved around boys and finding a practice room. Now, I go to bed at 10pm at the latest and my concerns are finishing taskstream and writing papers between completing lesson plans and figuring out how to fix my student's problems. Now, it does help that I do have an incredible boyfriend so the whole "boys" concern has disappeared... but it still wouldn't be a focus at this point. It is scary how your priorities change over 4 years in college.
The only thing I do know about what is next is that it will be awesome. I have 6 months between graduation from UNCG and starting class at Union PS to do "whatever" I want. I have 6 months to get life in order before I take a 180-turn and begin seminary after completing two music degrees. I have 6 months to focus on my personal devotions, searches, and discernment before I go back to doing the studying and reading for someone else. Why do I have the feeling that those 6 months will be life changing?? Other than the not so exciting fact of moving back to live with my parents (I love that I will be close to my family, but I am 22 and don't want to be watched all the time).
Lots to think about and get excited about, but also lots to keep a focus on for now. One thing is for sure... 4 1/2 years of work are all wrapping up before my eyes.
My taskstream portfolio is almost complete.
The apartment is gradually emptying as I throw out the trash I have accumulated over the last year and a half.
My room in Raleigh is almost ready.
We are well on our way in the cleaning process of concert music.
I have gone before and been endorsed by session to begin the inquirer process.
It is finally that time, after 22 years of waiting. I am less than two months away from graduation. So what is next? Who knows. I have put in applications for substitute teaching, I have thought about just teaching lessons, and I have thought about just taking it easy for a few months. Either way, I am finally almost out of here.
It is crazy to see this chapter of my life come to a close in what seems like a whirlwind at this point. I keep finding myself think back to freshman year when I was able to stay up til 3am and wake up at 6am and my concerns revolved around boys and finding a practice room. Now, I go to bed at 10pm at the latest and my concerns are finishing taskstream and writing papers between completing lesson plans and figuring out how to fix my student's problems. Now, it does help that I do have an incredible boyfriend so the whole "boys" concern has disappeared... but it still wouldn't be a focus at this point. It is scary how your priorities change over 4 years in college.
The only thing I do know about what is next is that it will be awesome. I have 6 months between graduation from UNCG and starting class at Union PS to do "whatever" I want. I have 6 months to get life in order before I take a 180-turn and begin seminary after completing two music degrees. I have 6 months to focus on my personal devotions, searches, and discernment before I go back to doing the studying and reading for someone else. Why do I have the feeling that those 6 months will be life changing?? Other than the not so exciting fact of moving back to live with my parents (I love that I will be close to my family, but I am 22 and don't want to be watched all the time).
Lots to think about and get excited about, but also lots to keep a focus on for now. One thing is for sure... 4 1/2 years of work are all wrapping up before my eyes.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
The future of our church...
Teenagers and church- this is something I have always been interested in, hence the whole family ministry thing. Recently, my pastor did a sermon that addressed some scare statistics regarding this topic...
More than 1/2 of teens that claim Christianity actually practice it.
Of those that are Christians, lots have a "watered down" faith that looks at God as more of a psychiatrist.
Most teenagers can't talk coherently about their faith.
My question is this- WHY???
When I was in middle school and high school I never thought of NOT going to church unless there was an extreme circumstance. This is both good and bad though because we don't want our children to feel like they HAVE to be at church, but rather they should WANT to be at church. I always looked forward to spending my Sunday's at church and lived for the retreats. Was I the odd one out or have things drastically changed?
Unfortunately I think it is the later. I remember all of the kids rushing to call the one missing person so Sunday School would be complete, or competing to see what church could bring more youth to a retreat. Now it is like pulling teeth to get them to show up for food on Sunday morning, but why?
We are fighting video games, the internet, and even worse... the "cool factor". You can include the games and internet in discussion... I do all the time, but what about that "cool factor"?
It used to be completely ok to wear a cross necklace or WWJD bracelet but dress codes are limiting to one piece of jewelry... so they choose the silly bands. We loved talking about youth group and comparing what we did every week. After working in public schools for internships and now student teaching, I rarely see or hear anything regarding faith, and when I do it is kept very quiet and is usually from a parent. Even my Sunday School students admit that they rarely talk about their beliefs at school.
Is it the church chasing them away or is it society? I think it is both. Society is changing but the church isn't with it. The church is so afraid of changing that we are losing our future as the teenagers run in the other direction. But how do we keep them? I have offered breakfast, facebook, treats, video games, movies... but I have realized it isn't about what we give them, but what we let them give the church.
Teenagers are excited, full of energy and ideas- ideas that could really give the church as a whole, a new face. Too many times we dismiss these ideas because the teenagers are "too young" or "don't understand". However if we take time to LISTEN to them rather than talk AT them, we would learn differently. There are new ideas floating around teenagers today and they might surprise us.
As humans we have a need to be needed. NEWSFLASH: Teenagers are humans as well. So ask them what they would like to do. Don't just have the act as elders because you need youth representatives, but let them know that their opinions are valued. If they feel needed, chances are they will come back, and may even bring a friend to see what are doing, leading to a chain reaction of teenage involvement and EXCITEMENT!
Listen... don't just talk.
More than 1/2 of teens that claim Christianity actually practice it.
Of those that are Christians, lots have a "watered down" faith that looks at God as more of a psychiatrist.
Most teenagers can't talk coherently about their faith.
My question is this- WHY???
When I was in middle school and high school I never thought of NOT going to church unless there was an extreme circumstance. This is both good and bad though because we don't want our children to feel like they HAVE to be at church, but rather they should WANT to be at church. I always looked forward to spending my Sunday's at church and lived for the retreats. Was I the odd one out or have things drastically changed?
Unfortunately I think it is the later. I remember all of the kids rushing to call the one missing person so Sunday School would be complete, or competing to see what church could bring more youth to a retreat. Now it is like pulling teeth to get them to show up for food on Sunday morning, but why?
We are fighting video games, the internet, and even worse... the "cool factor". You can include the games and internet in discussion... I do all the time, but what about that "cool factor"?
It used to be completely ok to wear a cross necklace or WWJD bracelet but dress codes are limiting to one piece of jewelry... so they choose the silly bands. We loved talking about youth group and comparing what we did every week. After working in public schools for internships and now student teaching, I rarely see or hear anything regarding faith, and when I do it is kept very quiet and is usually from a parent. Even my Sunday School students admit that they rarely talk about their beliefs at school.
Is it the church chasing them away or is it society? I think it is both. Society is changing but the church isn't with it. The church is so afraid of changing that we are losing our future as the teenagers run in the other direction. But how do we keep them? I have offered breakfast, facebook, treats, video games, movies... but I have realized it isn't about what we give them, but what we let them give the church.
Teenagers are excited, full of energy and ideas- ideas that could really give the church as a whole, a new face. Too many times we dismiss these ideas because the teenagers are "too young" or "don't understand". However if we take time to LISTEN to them rather than talk AT them, we would learn differently. There are new ideas floating around teenagers today and they might surprise us.
As humans we have a need to be needed. NEWSFLASH: Teenagers are humans as well. So ask them what they would like to do. Don't just have the act as elders because you need youth representatives, but let them know that their opinions are valued. If they feel needed, chances are they will come back, and may even bring a friend to see what are doing, leading to a chain reaction of teenage involvement and EXCITEMENT!
Listen... don't just talk.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
What If Jesus Meant All That Stuff?
Everything I have said in my past posts, everything I could hope to say in future posts. I have a huge amount of respect for Shane Claiborne and what he does with his life. I could never do something to that extreme, but he has had an influence on my life and made me live just a bit more extreme than I used to.
Everyone- please read this. Think about it. Maybe see what you can do to try to change this image, or look past this image that Christians so often give, and look at the true foundation of the religion... Jesus Christ.
What If Jesus Meant All That Stuff?
Everyone- please read this. Think about it. Maybe see what you can do to try to change this image, or look past this image that Christians so often give, and look at the true foundation of the religion... Jesus Christ.
What If Jesus Meant All That Stuff?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
No overthinking tonight
So this post isn't some over-thought question or soap box. Tonight, I am going to take one last moment to have an ego before I crush it and get focused again.
Two weeks ago I started down the last leg of my undergrad journey- student teaching. I was just a little scared and nervous and not at all sure what to expect. Sure, my friends have student taught, and I have even heard the discussion on the teacher end since Andrew had a student teacher last year, but I still had no idea what to expect. But thankfully I was welcomed in right away by an incredible teacher and pretty alright kids.
The last two weeks have really opened my eyes to what I am leaving behind by moving to Richmond, but also made me a little more sure of it. I am not gonna lie, I have come home some days wondering what it would be like to drop all paperwork, make one quick phone call, and begin the job search but then I start to think about how I would feel doing this every day for the rest of my life compared to going into ministry. I partially blame my OSTE for even putting the idea in my head to actually teach (even if only for a few years).
Note: This is when my ego explodes for a minute. I apologize in advance.
Basically, I seem to be doing pretty alright with my student teaching. My OSTE has had me teaching full classes since day 3 of school and has had nothing but good things to say. The kids have responded well and respect me as a real teacher, not some college student coming in to teach for a semester. All classes are making progress and sound great. Ok... I have learned to be excited about all of this and let it go, but tonight was the cherry on the cake. Tonight was our first Band Boosters meeting of the year so of course I was introduced again... and the introduction went like this...
"I am incredibly excited to have Ms. Buck as my student intern. She is a student at UNCG and will graduate with not one, but two music degrees in December. I always say student teaching is more of a formality and it couldn't be more true with her. She has been ready for a job since day 1 and is teaching the students more than I am at this point..."
Yea. I was just a little blown away and EXCITED to hear that, especially since my first observation will be this Friday afternoon. I know that I am going to have some band moments and I am as prepared as I can be for them thanks to my OSTE, but it does help to hear that you are doing well from the very start :D
Ok. Ego moment over. Time to end this and get some lesson plans done. That bad moment? Yea, fully expecting that tomorrow when I do my first beginning woodwinds lesson.
Two weeks ago I started down the last leg of my undergrad journey- student teaching. I was just a little scared and nervous and not at all sure what to expect. Sure, my friends have student taught, and I have even heard the discussion on the teacher end since Andrew had a student teacher last year, but I still had no idea what to expect. But thankfully I was welcomed in right away by an incredible teacher and pretty alright kids.
The last two weeks have really opened my eyes to what I am leaving behind by moving to Richmond, but also made me a little more sure of it. I am not gonna lie, I have come home some days wondering what it would be like to drop all paperwork, make one quick phone call, and begin the job search but then I start to think about how I would feel doing this every day for the rest of my life compared to going into ministry. I partially blame my OSTE for even putting the idea in my head to actually teach (even if only for a few years).
Note: This is when my ego explodes for a minute. I apologize in advance.
Basically, I seem to be doing pretty alright with my student teaching. My OSTE has had me teaching full classes since day 3 of school and has had nothing but good things to say. The kids have responded well and respect me as a real teacher, not some college student coming in to teach for a semester. All classes are making progress and sound great. Ok... I have learned to be excited about all of this and let it go, but tonight was the cherry on the cake. Tonight was our first Band Boosters meeting of the year so of course I was introduced again... and the introduction went like this...
"I am incredibly excited to have Ms. Buck as my student intern. She is a student at UNCG and will graduate with not one, but two music degrees in December. I always say student teaching is more of a formality and it couldn't be more true with her. She has been ready for a job since day 1 and is teaching the students more than I am at this point..."
Yea. I was just a little blown away and EXCITED to hear that, especially since my first observation will be this Friday afternoon. I know that I am going to have some band moments and I am as prepared as I can be for them thanks to my OSTE, but it does help to hear that you are doing well from the very start :D
Ok. Ego moment over. Time to end this and get some lesson plans done. That bad moment? Yea, fully expecting that tomorrow when I do my first beginning woodwinds lesson.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Hearing God's "Still small voice"... Would love feedback!
Tonight I finally got to return one of my favorite, and most important parts of the month- Guinness and the Good News. For those of you not familiar with it, this is a "bible study" (I use that term very loosely) for young adults during which we sit around and enjoy each others company while discussing various topics about our faith. Tonight's topic got me thinking a whole lot, and I still am. I will definitely do another post later with the thoughts that I finally "settle" on, but I would love some feed back from y'all. The feedback isn't just to hear the various responses, but it is also somewhat selfish on my part as I look for ways that work for me during my time of discernment as an Inquirer (or Pre-Inq. right now).
So, here is the question- How do you make out what is your voice and what is God's voice?
Take this question however, and please answer. I honestly don't think there is any ONE answer to this seeing that we all go about our faith differently. So, comment away! (Please!)
So, here is the question- How do you make out what is your voice and what is God's voice?
Take this question however, and please answer. I honestly don't think there is any ONE answer to this seeing that we all go about our faith differently. So, comment away! (Please!)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Why do we watch the conductor?
Tomorrow marks the end of my first week of student teaching and it has gone very well so far. Every day we are supposed to put an "essential question" on the board for the students to think about (and answer if we remember to bring it up). Today's question was "Why do we watch the conductor?". This question came about after all kinds of problems in every class with students not watching myself and my OSTE and therefor running into all kinds of problems throughout the music and making class a lot less fun as we got more and more frustrated with the students. It got me thinking though...
Why do we watch the conductor in music? To keep tempo, to see dynamics, for expression instructions... the list goes on. The conductor is the one leading the band, and supposedly they are the one that will always be there as a constant when things fall apart in the music. Kind of like God (don't tell any conductor that though!).
God is our conductor. He gives us our life's tempo, leads us in our expressions and dynamics. When things get tough and start to fall apart, we run to God asking and praying for help in various forms. But just like any band (especially excited middle schoolers), we get full of ourselves and our abilities and we tend to take our eyes off of the conductor, putting our focus on ourselves, all too often. Maybe we just figured out a problem/ rhythm on our own, or found our pure tone and niche... but is it really on our own?
The conductor may not always be right there to fix every problem (or so it seems), but they give us the tools to do so from day one. The last two days I have been providing the very basic tools to my 6th graders as I teach basic music theory. "This is a staff, this is a treble clef, this is a quarter note..." By teaching this to my students, I am providing them with the tools they need to work out complicated parts later on when we move on to harder music. They may not think of these first few days as being the source of the solutions, but how often do we think back to that time on the cross or the afternoon on the hillside with thousands of hungry people as the solution to our problems?
So, why do we watch the conductor? Because God is the source of life- he leads us through the troubled times, even putting down the baton and clapping out the tempo for the times when we can't see but maybe we can hear. He helps us to learn how to express ourselves and our love, he leads us through the dynamic ups and downs of life, celebrating with us when it is done correctly and we are excited, and working with us when it isn't quite right.
The best part about OUR conductor? If we can't always watch, he is always there beating in tempo with our lives waiting for our eyes and ready to assist as soon as we need it.
Why do we watch the conductor in music? To keep tempo, to see dynamics, for expression instructions... the list goes on. The conductor is the one leading the band, and supposedly they are the one that will always be there as a constant when things fall apart in the music. Kind of like God (don't tell any conductor that though!).
God is our conductor. He gives us our life's tempo, leads us in our expressions and dynamics. When things get tough and start to fall apart, we run to God asking and praying for help in various forms. But just like any band (especially excited middle schoolers), we get full of ourselves and our abilities and we tend to take our eyes off of the conductor, putting our focus on ourselves, all too often. Maybe we just figured out a problem/ rhythm on our own, or found our pure tone and niche... but is it really on our own?
The conductor may not always be right there to fix every problem (or so it seems), but they give us the tools to do so from day one. The last two days I have been providing the very basic tools to my 6th graders as I teach basic music theory. "This is a staff, this is a treble clef, this is a quarter note..." By teaching this to my students, I am providing them with the tools they need to work out complicated parts later on when we move on to harder music. They may not think of these first few days as being the source of the solutions, but how often do we think back to that time on the cross or the afternoon on the hillside with thousands of hungry people as the solution to our problems?
So, why do we watch the conductor? Because God is the source of life- he leads us through the troubled times, even putting down the baton and clapping out the tempo for the times when we can't see but maybe we can hear. He helps us to learn how to express ourselves and our love, he leads us through the dynamic ups and downs of life, celebrating with us when it is done correctly and we are excited, and working with us when it isn't quite right.
The best part about OUR conductor? If we can't always watch, he is always there beating in tempo with our lives waiting for our eyes and ready to assist as soon as we need it.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Just some random thoughts...
1) Today is going to be absolutely amazing.
2) I am more than excited about student teaching.
3) As I start preparing my presentation about Pilgrimage, I can't help but feel like I am still lost and still missing something.
4) I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for.
5) It is almost time for me to actually be an adult and that is somewhat terrifying.
6) A year from now, I will be in Richmond probably studying Greek.
2) I am more than excited about student teaching.
3) As I start preparing my presentation about Pilgrimage, I can't help but feel like I am still lost and still missing something.
4) I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for.
5) It is almost time for me to actually be an adult and that is somewhat terrifying.
6) A year from now, I will be in Richmond probably studying Greek.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Helping the World Reach Agape
This past week was the first of my last two weeks with Summer in the City. Those of you who may not know, SITC is a service based camp for middle school youth from the Raleigh area Presbyterian churches. The week is spent doing various service projects at local shelters, food pantries, thrift shops, and any other non-profit organizations (usually Christian based). This is my fourth and final year working with this camp, and every year I fall more in love with it.
This year's theme is "Feed My Sheep" based off of John 21:17 (expanding out to John 21:15-17).
15When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."
16Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."
17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."
One thing to note is that scripture follows Peter denying that he knows Jesus prior to his crucifixion. This denial occurs three times. In this scripture, Jesus is asking Peter if he loves him, to which Peter responds "You know all things, you know that I love you." Interesting... but that is for a later time when I know more about how to approach it and all of that :)
Back to the point though... the original translation (Greek) uses the words Agape and Philo in place of love.
Agape being an unconditional, eternal, unexpecting, freely given love, one that is very hard to reach for humans because there is always an underlying bit that we might think of at some point preventing from this full agape love that I believe only Jesus/ God/ Holy Spirit is capable of. Sure, you can say that you have this love for your significant other or your best friend... but what if they cheat on you? Or they lie to you? can you honestly say that you would not falter one bit in your love for them? Jesus and God DO NOT falter in their love for us.
Philo love is a brotherly love. This is typically the love we feel for our best friends, significant others, family... it has a stronger basis than Eros (emotional and physical, easily broken) but is not as strong as Agape.
When I was discussing this with my small group on our first night, one young lady (7th grade I believe) tied it very nicely into what our week at SITC was about... "To help the world reach AGAPE". WHAT A GREAT MOTIVE!! If we can truly work to help the world reach agape, can you imagine how much nicer it would be? Even if it never happens, even a miniscule difference could be incredible.
I truly think that is how the youth approached this week at SITC. In talking to some of them over a box of toilet paper (we had to cut packs of 4 in half to make packs of 2...), a rising 8th graders told me that they didn't really want to come to camp because of the work... they would rather be home at the pool or watching tv. However after they saw the difference they were making (or were potentially making), this was so much better than any tv show. That right there is exactly why I love the program so much and can't wait to continue along the same line in my ministry.
Going back to the theme of the week, "Feed My Sheep", as the week continued we asked the youth about the scripture- What is love? How do we show love to others? To God? What does it mean to "Feed My Sheep"? How can we feed HIS sheep outside of SITC? This spurred lots of conversation and thought in my small group as we came to many conclusions about each, however it became very apparent that there is no single answer to any of it, just as it should be (and completely against my list that I had already written, waiting for the check marks to go by each item). Every person has their own answer and none of them are wrong. Oh the things you learn from children!
What a wonderful thing when we can appreciate and respond to the needs of our world... whether that be some toilet paper that a family may not be able to get if they didn't go to this organization for help, or that extra push closer to agape. So here is my question after all of this- 25 middle schoolers came last week, and there will be 27 this week, all working towards providing for even the most "simple" needs of others they don't even know and may never know and helping the world reach agape, what are you doing? Are you sitting at home watching tv or tanning by your pool? Or are you looking for ways to do what these youth are doing? How are you feeding HIS sheep?
Trust me... it isn't always found on a check list, so go out there and find your way, and DO IT!
This year's theme is "Feed My Sheep" based off of John 21:17 (expanding out to John 21:15-17).
15When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."
16Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."
17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."
One thing to note is that scripture follows Peter denying that he knows Jesus prior to his crucifixion. This denial occurs three times. In this scripture, Jesus is asking Peter if he loves him, to which Peter responds "You know all things, you know that I love you." Interesting... but that is for a later time when I know more about how to approach it and all of that :)
Back to the point though... the original translation (Greek) uses the words Agape and Philo in place of love.
Agape being an unconditional, eternal, unexpecting, freely given love, one that is very hard to reach for humans because there is always an underlying bit that we might think of at some point preventing from this full agape love that I believe only Jesus/ God/ Holy Spirit is capable of. Sure, you can say that you have this love for your significant other or your best friend... but what if they cheat on you? Or they lie to you? can you honestly say that you would not falter one bit in your love for them? Jesus and God DO NOT falter in their love for us.
Philo love is a brotherly love. This is typically the love we feel for our best friends, significant others, family... it has a stronger basis than Eros (emotional and physical, easily broken) but is not as strong as Agape.
When I was discussing this with my small group on our first night, one young lady (7th grade I believe) tied it very nicely into what our week at SITC was about... "To help the world reach AGAPE". WHAT A GREAT MOTIVE!! If we can truly work to help the world reach agape, can you imagine how much nicer it would be? Even if it never happens, even a miniscule difference could be incredible.
I truly think that is how the youth approached this week at SITC. In talking to some of them over a box of toilet paper (we had to cut packs of 4 in half to make packs of 2...), a rising 8th graders told me that they didn't really want to come to camp because of the work... they would rather be home at the pool or watching tv. However after they saw the difference they were making (or were potentially making), this was so much better than any tv show. That right there is exactly why I love the program so much and can't wait to continue along the same line in my ministry.
Going back to the theme of the week, "Feed My Sheep", as the week continued we asked the youth about the scripture- What is love? How do we show love to others? To God? What does it mean to "Feed My Sheep"? How can we feed HIS sheep outside of SITC? This spurred lots of conversation and thought in my small group as we came to many conclusions about each, however it became very apparent that there is no single answer to any of it, just as it should be (and completely against my list that I had already written, waiting for the check marks to go by each item). Every person has their own answer and none of them are wrong. Oh the things you learn from children!
What a wonderful thing when we can appreciate and respond to the needs of our world... whether that be some toilet paper that a family may not be able to get if they didn't go to this organization for help, or that extra push closer to agape. So here is my question after all of this- 25 middle schoolers came last week, and there will be 27 this week, all working towards providing for even the most "simple" needs of others they don't even know and may never know and helping the world reach agape, what are you doing? Are you sitting at home watching tv or tanning by your pool? Or are you looking for ways to do what these youth are doing? How are you feeding HIS sheep?
Trust me... it isn't always found on a check list, so go out there and find your way, and DO IT!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Memories and Changes
Eventually (hopefully sooner rather than later) I am going to be painting both my bedroom and my sister's in prep for us to switch rooms. Since I am moving home after graduation so that I don't have to pay rent in Greensboro for 6 months while I sit around, Mom decided that it would be a good idea for me to be in the big bedroom again so that I can have my space and room for all of my stuff. My lack of job and anything exciting to do in Raleigh led me to start packing up all of my stuff today to make things a bit easier. My room went from "cluttered" to bare in all of an hour. I got thinking during all of this though, and there is a whole lot of history and memories sit in my bathroom hallway in cardboard boxes.
I filled boxes with books, pictures, horses, and other random things. Some I have read once, others I have read 10 times. Then the yearbooks from highschool and all of the notes in them... "friends forever", "good luck", "cant wait to see you with a symphony"... Then the posters came down, and all of the band pictures and awards... You really relearn a lot about yourself when you pack your life up. For me, I was THE band geek who loved horses (but only rode once), and everything about my room showed that.
That was then though, and this is now. I started thinking about what I will actually keep out once I unpack all of it in a few days. Will all of the band pictures and awards go out again? Most likely not. The horses? Absolutely. The posters from Music Ed conferences? Nope. Miles Davis? Maybe. Prom stuff? Probably not. In a way it hurts packing all of this up, but I also know it will always be there when I want to dig it out again to look at and remember.
I have to laugh at the thought process though... as I look for a new comforter set and paint color, I keep telling my sister I want it to be "adult". I want to leave the bright, fun colors behind and have something a bit more down to earth and modest. Part of me feels like it is because I am scared to let everything go and don't know exactly what will be next, so I originally picked white, the "safe" color. She vetoed that though. What does it really matter how my room looks though, as long as it is what I want?
I am noticing that a lot though as I begin to make my transition out of college. I am throwing away the old music theory notebooks and opening space on the shelf for all kinds of devotional books, bibles, and other resources to begin digging through as I get ready for seminary. I am packing up some of the old pictures from high school to put pictures from college in their place. I am finding a safe box for my corsages to be put in so that there is "free" space and less clutter.
I held onto so much for so long, thinking it was what kept me rooted in who I really was. If I could look at the picture of me and Andy, with my "boyfriend" bear right next to it, I would remember all of the fun we had and somehow that would make me have fun now. Or the pictures from the show choir trip to NYC... I never talk to them anymore and couldn't even tell you their names, but I still felt it was important to hold on to so I could see it when I came home.
It is hard to admit that the world is changing around you, and even harder to jump on and change with it. Sometimes it is ok to leave those pictures out to look at, but other times it is also ok to put them in storage for a while so you can put new memories out that are more relevant to where you are. High school was great, marching band was my life, but that was 5 years ago and in another world basically. I know that if I take the steps to move into my new life, God will be with me and make it a bit easier. That is really all we need to remember in life, as long as we are willing to take a step forward, he will be there to hold our hands or even carry us when need be.
I filled boxes with books, pictures, horses, and other random things. Some I have read once, others I have read 10 times. Then the yearbooks from highschool and all of the notes in them... "friends forever", "good luck", "cant wait to see you with a symphony"... Then the posters came down, and all of the band pictures and awards... You really relearn a lot about yourself when you pack your life up. For me, I was THE band geek who loved horses (but only rode once), and everything about my room showed that.
That was then though, and this is now. I started thinking about what I will actually keep out once I unpack all of it in a few days. Will all of the band pictures and awards go out again? Most likely not. The horses? Absolutely. The posters from Music Ed conferences? Nope. Miles Davis? Maybe. Prom stuff? Probably not. In a way it hurts packing all of this up, but I also know it will always be there when I want to dig it out again to look at and remember.
I have to laugh at the thought process though... as I look for a new comforter set and paint color, I keep telling my sister I want it to be "adult". I want to leave the bright, fun colors behind and have something a bit more down to earth and modest. Part of me feels like it is because I am scared to let everything go and don't know exactly what will be next, so I originally picked white, the "safe" color. She vetoed that though. What does it really matter how my room looks though, as long as it is what I want?
I am noticing that a lot though as I begin to make my transition out of college. I am throwing away the old music theory notebooks and opening space on the shelf for all kinds of devotional books, bibles, and other resources to begin digging through as I get ready for seminary. I am packing up some of the old pictures from high school to put pictures from college in their place. I am finding a safe box for my corsages to be put in so that there is "free" space and less clutter.
I held onto so much for so long, thinking it was what kept me rooted in who I really was. If I could look at the picture of me and Andy, with my "boyfriend" bear right next to it, I would remember all of the fun we had and somehow that would make me have fun now. Or the pictures from the show choir trip to NYC... I never talk to them anymore and couldn't even tell you their names, but I still felt it was important to hold on to so I could see it when I came home.
It is hard to admit that the world is changing around you, and even harder to jump on and change with it. Sometimes it is ok to leave those pictures out to look at, but other times it is also ok to put them in storage for a while so you can put new memories out that are more relevant to where you are. High school was great, marching band was my life, but that was 5 years ago and in another world basically. I know that if I take the steps to move into my new life, God will be with me and make it a bit easier. That is really all we need to remember in life, as long as we are willing to take a step forward, he will be there to hold our hands or even carry us when need be.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Pilgrimage Project 2010 (readers digest version)
Well, the Pilgrimage Project 2010 has officially come to an end, but that doesn't mean the concept has.
Monday, I returned from a 12 day pilgrimage to the Isle of Iona in Scotland. I traveled with a great group of 13 other people from all backgrounds, but we were all looking to broaden our understanding of our faith among other things. The journey started back in September with monthly bible studies based around the book "The Geography of God" (Michael Lindvall) and came to a "close" through our trip to Scotland.
We left two weeks ago from RDU and flew to PHI and then GLA. After spending a few hours in Glasgow, we took the train to Oban. Oban is a small fishing town on the west coast and is absolutely gorgeous. We were hosted by the Church of Scotland Parish in town and many families from that congregation. While in Oban, we spent lots of time exploring and shopping, and some of us climbed up to the remains of Dunolie Castle. It was only one tower of the castle, but it was incredible to look at, not to mention the view of the water and town!
Saturday was another travel day. We took the ferry from Oban to Mull (and saw the castle from "Entrapment" along the way!), took a bus across Mull, and then another Ferry from Mull to Iona. It was a hectic and long day, but not nearly as bad as the 39 hours of planes, buses, and trains it took to get us to Oban and our beds there. The rest of the afternoon was fairly relaxing as we began to explore the island and meet the others that were staying at the abbey (a mix of people there on thier own, D. Min. students from McCormick Seminary, and us).
Sunday through Thursday was full of community, worshipping, and working in the Abbey. Tuesday was the Pilgrimage day when we went on a 7 mile hike to different sites all over Iona, including Columba Bay. This is where Saint Columba landed with 12 monks after being exiled from Ireland. Iona was the first place that he landed and could not see Ireland (it was a cloudy day) so they stayed there and began to build a community. The pilgrimage was a struggle but completely worth it!
We left Iona on Friday and began the journey back to Glasgow (back across Mull and to Oban to meet the train). Once in Glasgow, we met up with our new hosts and went home with them for the rest of the evening (we actually walked through Queens Park).
Saturday was Edinburgh and doing all of the touristy stuff. It was nice, but I wouldn't rush to go back. I did get to walk the Royal Mile, see the castle, Queens Palace, and the Legislature building though. That evening, our (me and Callie) host and one other host family (Kelly and Lois) took the four of us girls to hear a 60s cover band at a pub outside of town. This was my favorite night by far! In addition to bonding with some incredible people, the band gave us lots of shout outs and even played the national anthem for us at midnight to celebrate Independence Day.
Sunday we went to church and then to the art museum. This was lots of fun, but I was dead and only thinking about coming home.
Overall, the trip was incredible. I learned a lot about myself, thought a lot about things going on at home (mostly a long the lines of what I have posted about in the past), and learned a lot about many other things that I saw and experienced. It was a new thing for me to sit and eat dinner with gay ministers and their partners and transexuals, have theological discussions and discussions about my ministry hopes with D. Min. students and professors, and just laugh about nothing. I am still thinking about some of those conversations and others gave me a push that I didn't realize I needed. The genuine care and support from the community was amazing. I can still hear what Kathryn Ann said to me before separating in the Queen St. train station in Glasgow, "I know you have your life scheduled for the next few years, but don't be afraid to let it change some because you never know how some things will fit into the plan." It was so nice to hear that from someone who I opened up to about my life and who has been through the same stuff.
I am still not sure exactly what happened while I was there, and I may not know or see the effects for a while. One thing I know is that I am more sure about my call to ministry than ever, and even about where I will be going to seminary. I am more relaxed about letting my schedule change in some ways, but not looking for those ways. But even more so, I have more questions to ask and look for answers to. The questions will hopefully lead to a stronger ministry on my part. My next step? Start looking for some answers and prepare myself for the next few years. It will be hard, but I know that I have family and friends that will be with me the entire way. After that? I would love to go back to Iona on Pilgrimage after I finish seminary and see what has changed for me, and maybe take someone new with me when I go so they can experience it as well :)
Monday, I returned from a 12 day pilgrimage to the Isle of Iona in Scotland. I traveled with a great group of 13 other people from all backgrounds, but we were all looking to broaden our understanding of our faith among other things. The journey started back in September with monthly bible studies based around the book "The Geography of God" (Michael Lindvall) and came to a "close" through our trip to Scotland.
We left two weeks ago from RDU and flew to PHI and then GLA. After spending a few hours in Glasgow, we took the train to Oban. Oban is a small fishing town on the west coast and is absolutely gorgeous. We were hosted by the Church of Scotland Parish in town and many families from that congregation. While in Oban, we spent lots of time exploring and shopping, and some of us climbed up to the remains of Dunolie Castle. It was only one tower of the castle, but it was incredible to look at, not to mention the view of the water and town!
Saturday was another travel day. We took the ferry from Oban to Mull (and saw the castle from "Entrapment" along the way!), took a bus across Mull, and then another Ferry from Mull to Iona. It was a hectic and long day, but not nearly as bad as the 39 hours of planes, buses, and trains it took to get us to Oban and our beds there. The rest of the afternoon was fairly relaxing as we began to explore the island and meet the others that were staying at the abbey (a mix of people there on thier own, D. Min. students from McCormick Seminary, and us).
Sunday through Thursday was full of community, worshipping, and working in the Abbey. Tuesday was the Pilgrimage day when we went on a 7 mile hike to different sites all over Iona, including Columba Bay. This is where Saint Columba landed with 12 monks after being exiled from Ireland. Iona was the first place that he landed and could not see Ireland (it was a cloudy day) so they stayed there and began to build a community. The pilgrimage was a struggle but completely worth it!
We left Iona on Friday and began the journey back to Glasgow (back across Mull and to Oban to meet the train). Once in Glasgow, we met up with our new hosts and went home with them for the rest of the evening (we actually walked through Queens Park).
Saturday was Edinburgh and doing all of the touristy stuff. It was nice, but I wouldn't rush to go back. I did get to walk the Royal Mile, see the castle, Queens Palace, and the Legislature building though. That evening, our (me and Callie) host and one other host family (Kelly and Lois) took the four of us girls to hear a 60s cover band at a pub outside of town. This was my favorite night by far! In addition to bonding with some incredible people, the band gave us lots of shout outs and even played the national anthem for us at midnight to celebrate Independence Day.
Sunday we went to church and then to the art museum. This was lots of fun, but I was dead and only thinking about coming home.
Overall, the trip was incredible. I learned a lot about myself, thought a lot about things going on at home (mostly a long the lines of what I have posted about in the past), and learned a lot about many other things that I saw and experienced. It was a new thing for me to sit and eat dinner with gay ministers and their partners and transexuals, have theological discussions and discussions about my ministry hopes with D. Min. students and professors, and just laugh about nothing. I am still thinking about some of those conversations and others gave me a push that I didn't realize I needed. The genuine care and support from the community was amazing. I can still hear what Kathryn Ann said to me before separating in the Queen St. train station in Glasgow, "I know you have your life scheduled for the next few years, but don't be afraid to let it change some because you never know how some things will fit into the plan." It was so nice to hear that from someone who I opened up to about my life and who has been through the same stuff.
I am still not sure exactly what happened while I was there, and I may not know or see the effects for a while. One thing I know is that I am more sure about my call to ministry than ever, and even about where I will be going to seminary. I am more relaxed about letting my schedule change in some ways, but not looking for those ways. But even more so, I have more questions to ask and look for answers to. The questions will hopefully lead to a stronger ministry on my part. My next step? Start looking for some answers and prepare myself for the next few years. It will be hard, but I know that I have family and friends that will be with me the entire way. After that? I would love to go back to Iona on Pilgrimage after I finish seminary and see what has changed for me, and maybe take someone new with me when I go so they can experience it as well :)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
What are we waiting for?
One of my favorite songs "What are you waiting for?" by Natalie Grant has been running through my head lately...
Sometimes I get that
overwhelming feeling
so sad the faces on TV
If I tried to make a difference
would it help anyway
But then I stop and to
myself I say.........
CHORUS:
So you wanna change the world
What are you waiting for
You say you're gonna start right now
What are you waiting for
It only takes one voice
So come on now and shout it out
Give a little more
[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/AZ4C ]
What are you waiting for
Sometimes I feel a little helpless
Seems like I can't do a thing
But anything Is possible
just you wait and see
Good things happen if you
just believe.........
CHORUS
Someday somehow
You're gonna take that step
Cause time is ticking away
Right here right now
Before it's too late
Gonna face tomorrow today
Going along with that, the sermon at the church I played at on Sunday, was also titled "What are we waiting for?". Needless to say it got my attention and sent me running home to write again (yea... this has been done since Sunday, just haven't had time to post).
So, keeping with my last two posts, what ARE we waiting for? We have so much going on around us, both good and bad, and we are taking many different approaches. Some are going out, torches in hand, doing everything they can to make changes. Others are sitting home, thinking things through and making a plan before they pull out their torch. Others may not be doing anything. This goes hand in hand with prayer. Those that are out already, torches in hand, are praying for guidance but they are not waiting for an answer, rather praying that God will change their direction if needed and continue to show them the way. Others, the ones still planning, may be praying for guidance on where to start and how to do it. Neither way is right or wrong, but God can only do so much without us actually acting.
The story that the minister told on Sunday is about a man and the lottery. Every night before the man went to bed, he would pray to God, "God, if you would only let me win the lottery, I will give all of the money to the church's building fund." This went on for months until one night, God came to the man in a dream. "Son, I believe you and know your heart is true, but help me out some and go buy a lottery ticket!"
This is the key point- we need to act so that God has something to work with! The hungry won't be fed until someone takes some food to them. Racism won't end until we ourselves put it to an end in our own lives. Religious persecution will continue until we make ourselves aware of it in all aspects and do something to stop it! We can create a domino effect if we will just get up and act. Once we do, others will see us and do something as well and it will keep spreading (like the State Farm Insurance commercial from a few years ago- one person smiled and it got spread around until it came full circle).
God can't act and speak through us until we begin acting and speaking! It isn't easy, but it needs to be done if we are ever going to get the world to come together. We can do it by breaking our chains and rewriting history (the figurative way- not through a new textbook!).
There is so much out there to do, but we continue to sit and wait. What are we waiting for?
One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.
Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”
The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean.
The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.”
“Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish?
You can’t make a difference!”
After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said…”
I made a difference for that one.”
Sometimes I get that
overwhelming feeling
so sad the faces on TV
If I tried to make a difference
would it help anyway
But then I stop and to
myself I say.........
CHORUS:
So you wanna change the world
What are you waiting for
You say you're gonna start right now
What are you waiting for
It only takes one voice
So come on now and shout it out
Give a little more
[ Find more Lyrics on http://mp3lyrics.org/AZ4C ]
What are you waiting for
Sometimes I feel a little helpless
Seems like I can't do a thing
But anything Is possible
just you wait and see
Good things happen if you
just believe.........
CHORUS
Someday somehow
You're gonna take that step
Cause time is ticking away
Right here right now
Before it's too late
Gonna face tomorrow today
Going along with that, the sermon at the church I played at on Sunday, was also titled "What are we waiting for?". Needless to say it got my attention and sent me running home to write again (yea... this has been done since Sunday, just haven't had time to post).
So, keeping with my last two posts, what ARE we waiting for? We have so much going on around us, both good and bad, and we are taking many different approaches. Some are going out, torches in hand, doing everything they can to make changes. Others are sitting home, thinking things through and making a plan before they pull out their torch. Others may not be doing anything. This goes hand in hand with prayer. Those that are out already, torches in hand, are praying for guidance but they are not waiting for an answer, rather praying that God will change their direction if needed and continue to show them the way. Others, the ones still planning, may be praying for guidance on where to start and how to do it. Neither way is right or wrong, but God can only do so much without us actually acting.
The story that the minister told on Sunday is about a man and the lottery. Every night before the man went to bed, he would pray to God, "God, if you would only let me win the lottery, I will give all of the money to the church's building fund." This went on for months until one night, God came to the man in a dream. "Son, I believe you and know your heart is true, but help me out some and go buy a lottery ticket!"
This is the key point- we need to act so that God has something to work with! The hungry won't be fed until someone takes some food to them. Racism won't end until we ourselves put it to an end in our own lives. Religious persecution will continue until we make ourselves aware of it in all aspects and do something to stop it! We can create a domino effect if we will just get up and act. Once we do, others will see us and do something as well and it will keep spreading (like the State Farm Insurance commercial from a few years ago- one person smiled and it got spread around until it came full circle).
God can't act and speak through us until we begin acting and speaking! It isn't easy, but it needs to be done if we are ever going to get the world to come together. We can do it by breaking our chains and rewriting history (the figurative way- not through a new textbook!).
There is so much out there to do, but we continue to sit and wait. What are we waiting for?
One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.
Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?”
The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean.
The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.”
“Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish?
You can’t make a difference!”
After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said…”
I made a difference for that one.”
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Rewriting History?
I am all for "rewriting history" in the sense that we open our minds and change the direction of what we are doing and therefor "rewriting history". But this is ridiculous.
If you have not been following the news, you may not be familiar with the textbook controversy in Texas. So here is the rundown- Texas conservatives got together and decided that our history textbooks are very liberal and biased. The solution? Rewrite them, "balancing" the liberal and conservative views. This includes changing the view of slavery, civil war, civil rights, native Americans... it basically seems like if it isn't involving white protestants in a positive way, it will be changed. Well, it all passed yesterday. (http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/video/texas-textbook-controversy-10714896)and http://blogs.abcnews.com/nightlinedailyline/2010/05/texas-christian-textbooks-coming-to-class-.html
I understand the whole "This is God's country" view. I am not against that in any way. I say GOD BLESS AMERICA and ONE NATION UNDER GOD with pride, but I personally don't think that when our country was founded, it was under the pretense that everyone would be Christians. And really, as terrible as it may sound since I am going to seminary, I am glad that we aren't all Christians- it provides variety and learning opportunities. Like I said in my last blog, we all have our differences and God made it that way for a reason. Do you think that he wasn't thinking things through when other religions were created? But this whole forcing our views on everyone and REWRITING HISTORY to fit them is absolutely ridiculous.
Yea, we have a dark history in some cases- I hate that we had slavery, and wars about everything. I hate that life wasn't always peaceful and people died for crazy reasons. But that is part of what makes this such a great country- WE OVERCAME IT. When our ancestors came to America, no matter who you are, they had a great influence in some way. Maybe they were with the Native Americans that fought to protect the land when the Europeans came. Maybe they were those Europeans that came to create a civilized land. Maybe they were the ones that befriended the enemy and helped to find a compromise at some point. Maybe they came on a slave trade ship and plowed the earth, creating some of the most gorgeous land there is. Everyone had bad moments, but everyone had good moments.
Yea, history may not look on the white protestant favorably at times, but rather than rewriting the textbooks to make us look better, why can't we all change our attitudes and actions now? Isn't that a much better way of rewriting history?
Even further, people think this only effects Texas. WRONG. Texas is such a huge center for education, this will all eventually come to us. This is what our children will be learning. How sad.
If you have not been following the news, you may not be familiar with the textbook controversy in Texas. So here is the rundown- Texas conservatives got together and decided that our history textbooks are very liberal and biased. The solution? Rewrite them, "balancing" the liberal and conservative views. This includes changing the view of slavery, civil war, civil rights, native Americans... it basically seems like if it isn't involving white protestants in a positive way, it will be changed. Well, it all passed yesterday. (http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/video/texas-textbook-controversy-10714896)and http://blogs.abcnews.com/nightlinedailyline/2010/05/texas-christian-textbooks-coming-to-class-.html
I understand the whole "This is God's country" view. I am not against that in any way. I say GOD BLESS AMERICA and ONE NATION UNDER GOD with pride, but I personally don't think that when our country was founded, it was under the pretense that everyone would be Christians. And really, as terrible as it may sound since I am going to seminary, I am glad that we aren't all Christians- it provides variety and learning opportunities. Like I said in my last blog, we all have our differences and God made it that way for a reason. Do you think that he wasn't thinking things through when other religions were created? But this whole forcing our views on everyone and REWRITING HISTORY to fit them is absolutely ridiculous.
Yea, we have a dark history in some cases- I hate that we had slavery, and wars about everything. I hate that life wasn't always peaceful and people died for crazy reasons. But that is part of what makes this such a great country- WE OVERCAME IT. When our ancestors came to America, no matter who you are, they had a great influence in some way. Maybe they were with the Native Americans that fought to protect the land when the Europeans came. Maybe they were those Europeans that came to create a civilized land. Maybe they were the ones that befriended the enemy and helped to find a compromise at some point. Maybe they came on a slave trade ship and plowed the earth, creating some of the most gorgeous land there is. Everyone had bad moments, but everyone had good moments.
Yea, history may not look on the white protestant favorably at times, but rather than rewriting the textbooks to make us look better, why can't we all change our attitudes and actions now? Isn't that a much better way of rewriting history?
Even further, people think this only effects Texas. WRONG. Texas is such a huge center for education, this will all eventually come to us. This is what our children will be learning. How sad.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Chains
This is a topic that has been eating at me for a few months now, but I didn't quite know how to go about voicing it. I am taking a class this summer that goes about questioning the status quo and rediscovering what it is you really think- probably one of my favorite classes so far (yes... we are allowed to think for ourselves for once!). So this is kinda based on class discussion, but really based on what has been going through my head a whole lot this past year.
Opening our hearts and minds to differences is a hard thing to do. We have been rooted in many of our ideals for as long as we can remember, most of them coming from our parents/ guardians and society. It is a lot like Plato's Allegory of the Cave (http://www.historyguide.org/intellect/allegory.html).
We are all prisoners of of the ideals we are told are truth (the shadows on the wall of the cave), but then someone breaks out of the chains that are keeping our necks from turning and our arms from reaching but so far, and they begin to move toward the opening of the cave. This prisoner leaves the cave that holds the truth they have known for so long, and they are introduced to a new truth. So now comes the time to choose- do they choose the truth that these shadows are their own and come from nothing? Or do they choose that these people outside are creating the shadows? Once the truth (the light) is accepted, the prisoner returns to the cave to help the others.
This is like our own world today. We have so many "shadows" we are still sitting and staring at, convinced that we can't do anything else but because of the chains that are keeping us there. These chains could be anything- rules, tests, parents, media, money, gender, race, religion, job... the list goes on and on. We are scared to break these chains because we have known these shadows for so long and may not like what we see behind us because it might CHANGE US. What a concept! We are so set on having absolute control of our lives, that we won't let go of something we have been told by someone since we were learning to walk, even though it is a new world. But what happens if we do break out of chains and look behind us to see what is really there?
Racism is still a huge problem, no matter what we choose to believe. While things are getting better, so many people are still set in the truth that people are not equal or should be completely separate, while others have broken the chains and moved into the world where race is not an issue. These old truths may be held onto because our generation doesn't want to make their parents or grandparents uncomfortable, and our parents and grandparents grew up with that truth so they do not want to be uncomfortable in the new truth.
Stereotypes are all around us. Let's look at jobs. If you flip burgers at McDonalds or collect trash every day, you probably dropped out of school, made bad grades, got involved with drugs... take your pick! But lets look at it this way... maybe that guy flipping your burger has a PhD, but realized he would rather help feed someone and be able to have lots of contact with the community than work in a lab alone all day. Or the person that collects your trash every week has a gorgeous house, 3 kids, and used to be a partner in some big company but realized that they wanted to help keep the community clean so they would collect trash. What if that lawyer we make fun of all of the time, isn't in the office because they just want money, but what if they truly want to help someone who is in trouble and they don't care about the money?
Religious persecution is everywhere, whether is to the point you see it in the news or not. What if rather than saying that our God is the only one that is acceptable, we take on the thought process that our God is right for us, but maybe someone else has a god that is right for them? What if we took time to listen to why someone has a belief different from ours, and we shared our story? Oh the things we could learn!
Maybe this is how we can reach that "world peace" that has become more of a joke than anything else. But we can't just talk about it, we have to go out and DO IT!
In January, I went to a college conference at Montreat and the theme was "God Without Borders". When God created us, he made us different, but he didn't put walls between us. He made us different so we can all have our own stories, so we can relate to each other on different levels, so we can learn to work TOGETHER (think Tower of Babel). We are the ones that have put these walls and boundaries up.
When you went on the last mission trip, wherever it was, where there boundaries? Probably. When I went to Mexico, we had a language boundary, culture boundary, gender boundary... but at the end of the week they were all gone. Yes, we still spoke different languages, came from different places, and were different genders but none of that mattered. We mixed and poured concrete together, we ate at the same table, and we worshiped together. We all came together as brothers and sisters in Christ and that is what our family was based on.
Whether or not you are in support of him, look at our president. For the first time ever, there is a black man in office. You cannot say that we are still in the world of segregation when you look at him. Our country, the same one that so many of us grew up in during segregation and then desgregation of schools, and the Woolworth's sit in, and Rosa Parks, and Martin Luther King Jr., elected President Obama to office. And guess what? It wasn't just black Americans that elected him... white, asian, mexican... Americans from all cultures elected him.
So what happens if we do start to work together?
Racism can finally be wiped out.
Stereotypes can be erased.
Religious persecution can finally come to an end.
It isn't easy, but it needs to be done. This is a new world! There is something behind us making those shadows... they aren't just there. So what is the real truth? I think this is about time that ALL OF US break those chains off of our wrists and necks, and turn around to see what is really happening. Once we do break those chains, why not help those around us that might not be able to do it as easily?
I am tired of wearing my chains... what about you?
Opening our hearts and minds to differences is a hard thing to do. We have been rooted in many of our ideals for as long as we can remember, most of them coming from our parents/ guardians and society. It is a lot like Plato's Allegory of the Cave (http://www.historyguide.org/intellect/allegory.html).
We are all prisoners of of the ideals we are told are truth (the shadows on the wall of the cave), but then someone breaks out of the chains that are keeping our necks from turning and our arms from reaching but so far, and they begin to move toward the opening of the cave. This prisoner leaves the cave that holds the truth they have known for so long, and they are introduced to a new truth. So now comes the time to choose- do they choose the truth that these shadows are their own and come from nothing? Or do they choose that these people outside are creating the shadows? Once the truth (the light) is accepted, the prisoner returns to the cave to help the others.
This is like our own world today. We have so many "shadows" we are still sitting and staring at, convinced that we can't do anything else but because of the chains that are keeping us there. These chains could be anything- rules, tests, parents, media, money, gender, race, religion, job... the list goes on and on. We are scared to break these chains because we have known these shadows for so long and may not like what we see behind us because it might CHANGE US. What a concept! We are so set on having absolute control of our lives, that we won't let go of something we have been told by someone since we were learning to walk, even though it is a new world. But what happens if we do break out of chains and look behind us to see what is really there?
Racism is still a huge problem, no matter what we choose to believe. While things are getting better, so many people are still set in the truth that people are not equal or should be completely separate, while others have broken the chains and moved into the world where race is not an issue. These old truths may be held onto because our generation doesn't want to make their parents or grandparents uncomfortable, and our parents and grandparents grew up with that truth so they do not want to be uncomfortable in the new truth.
Stereotypes are all around us. Let's look at jobs. If you flip burgers at McDonalds or collect trash every day, you probably dropped out of school, made bad grades, got involved with drugs... take your pick! But lets look at it this way... maybe that guy flipping your burger has a PhD, but realized he would rather help feed someone and be able to have lots of contact with the community than work in a lab alone all day. Or the person that collects your trash every week has a gorgeous house, 3 kids, and used to be a partner in some big company but realized that they wanted to help keep the community clean so they would collect trash. What if that lawyer we make fun of all of the time, isn't in the office because they just want money, but what if they truly want to help someone who is in trouble and they don't care about the money?
Religious persecution is everywhere, whether is to the point you see it in the news or not. What if rather than saying that our God is the only one that is acceptable, we take on the thought process that our God is right for us, but maybe someone else has a god that is right for them? What if we took time to listen to why someone has a belief different from ours, and we shared our story? Oh the things we could learn!
Maybe this is how we can reach that "world peace" that has become more of a joke than anything else. But we can't just talk about it, we have to go out and DO IT!
In January, I went to a college conference at Montreat and the theme was "God Without Borders". When God created us, he made us different, but he didn't put walls between us. He made us different so we can all have our own stories, so we can relate to each other on different levels, so we can learn to work TOGETHER (think Tower of Babel). We are the ones that have put these walls and boundaries up.
When you went on the last mission trip, wherever it was, where there boundaries? Probably. When I went to Mexico, we had a language boundary, culture boundary, gender boundary... but at the end of the week they were all gone. Yes, we still spoke different languages, came from different places, and were different genders but none of that mattered. We mixed and poured concrete together, we ate at the same table, and we worshiped together. We all came together as brothers and sisters in Christ and that is what our family was based on.
Whether or not you are in support of him, look at our president. For the first time ever, there is a black man in office. You cannot say that we are still in the world of segregation when you look at him. Our country, the same one that so many of us grew up in during segregation and then desgregation of schools, and the Woolworth's sit in, and Rosa Parks, and Martin Luther King Jr., elected President Obama to office. And guess what? It wasn't just black Americans that elected him... white, asian, mexican... Americans from all cultures elected him.
So what happens if we do start to work together?
Racism can finally be wiped out.
Stereotypes can be erased.
Religious persecution can finally come to an end.
It isn't easy, but it needs to be done. This is a new world! There is something behind us making those shadows... they aren't just there. So what is the real truth? I think this is about time that ALL OF US break those chains off of our wrists and necks, and turn around to see what is really happening. Once we do break those chains, why not help those around us that might not be able to do it as easily?
I am tired of wearing my chains... what about you?
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
"Because music and love bring you joy"
Tonight I went to see "The Last Song" with Chelsea. Not only was it a great night with one of my best friends, but it was a great movie (even if it was Miley Cyrus). There was a quote that really stuck with me...
One day, you will open your heart again. It won't be for your mother, and it won't be for me. It will be for you, and will make you happier than you have ever been. Because music and love bring you joy.
Could there be a more perfect quote for me right now?? I have fallen head over heels again for my trumpet. I now look forward to practicing and have much more metticulous (sp?) practice sessions than I have had in 4 years. I actually love running a few measures for 1 + hours. WHAT A GREAT FEELING!!!
Then there is the other part of life that I have promised myself I would keep out of here as much as possible, for now at least, but if you see me around or talk to me regularly I am sure you know how absolutely 100% incredibly undeniably happy I am.
Life has finally gotten back on the right path and it feels amazing.
That quote hit me because I have opened my heart again in many different respects, but tonight I will focus on the music one. I went back to it, not for my parents or professors or friends... I went back for me. And I think I might love it more now than I did when I started here 4 years ago. Because MUSIC and LOVE bring me JOY.
*Sigh* I love this.
One day, you will open your heart again. It won't be for your mother, and it won't be for me. It will be for you, and will make you happier than you have ever been. Because music and love bring you joy.
Could there be a more perfect quote for me right now?? I have fallen head over heels again for my trumpet. I now look forward to practicing and have much more metticulous (sp?) practice sessions than I have had in 4 years. I actually love running a few measures for 1 + hours. WHAT A GREAT FEELING!!!
Then there is the other part of life that I have promised myself I would keep out of here as much as possible, for now at least, but if you see me around or talk to me regularly I am sure you know how absolutely 100% incredibly undeniably happy I am.
Life has finally gotten back on the right path and it feels amazing.
That quote hit me because I have opened my heart again in many different respects, but tonight I will focus on the music one. I went back to it, not for my parents or professors or friends... I went back for me. And I think I might love it more now than I did when I started here 4 years ago. Because MUSIC and LOVE bring me JOY.
*Sigh* I love this.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
A morning of dreamin...
So I am on movie # 2 for the day (obviously not making much progress on work). The first was FAME, and now Flicka.
FAME always makes me think. If you live under a rock and are not sure what it is, FAME is the story of 4 years in a performing arts school in NYC. It shows the trials and tribulations of being in a program like that and is just a little to close to being right. Every time I watch that movie, I always end up thinking about my four years at UNCG. It is too funny that at the begining of the year when it came out, I was in tears because I hated that life and wanted something else, now it is because I can see that just like the kids in the movie, I have overcome most of it and I am going to learn how to fly.
Flicka is a horse movie and one of those that I typically don't let people know I own and am just a bit obsessed with. I originally got it for the horse aspect (I have always LOVED horses but have only been able to ride once in my life) but the whole breaking in a wild horse and following your dreams aspect is pretty good too :)
So here is what I am going to do from the cinema inspiration... I am going to keep pushing through December (and beyond of course) and try to keep the freedom and peace that I found on that horse 7 years ago. Maybe this time we might even run rather than just trot...
FAME always makes me think. If you live under a rock and are not sure what it is, FAME is the story of 4 years in a performing arts school in NYC. It shows the trials and tribulations of being in a program like that and is just a little to close to being right. Every time I watch that movie, I always end up thinking about my four years at UNCG. It is too funny that at the begining of the year when it came out, I was in tears because I hated that life and wanted something else, now it is because I can see that just like the kids in the movie, I have overcome most of it and I am going to learn how to fly.
Flicka is a horse movie and one of those that I typically don't let people know I own and am just a bit obsessed with. I originally got it for the horse aspect (I have always LOVED horses but have only been able to ride once in my life) but the whole breaking in a wild horse and following your dreams aspect is pretty good too :)
So here is what I am going to do from the cinema inspiration... I am going to keep pushing through December (and beyond of course) and try to keep the freedom and peace that I found on that horse 7 years ago. Maybe this time we might even run rather than just trot...
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
The end of an era...
Tomorrow is it. My last concert after 11 years of concerts. 50 total (not including marching band and random jazz things).
Back in August, I was counting down to this. I would have paid someone to take my spot in Wind Ensemble and dreaded walking into 111 every day. But now, I am actually really pretty sad about it.
The last few months I feel like I have really found a niche. I finally accepted that I am 22 and not 30 and that I have some pretty incredible people around me. Hope, Malik, Bobby and I started hanging out more which of course in turn made Wind Ensemble more bearable since Bobby sits right behind me. I think it is safe to say that I have started looking forward to rehearsals since it is built in time with them.
I have had so many opportunities while playing in the Wind Ensemble, and the great thing is that none of it depended on what chair I was. I played at NCMEA, went on a tour across the south eastern US (9 concerts, 7 cities), recorded on two different cds, and am even up for a Grammy nomination for the first cd (ok, so the whole ensemble is, but still). I have played under some incredible conductors, premiered huge works, and met some incredible composers. I have even played for sold out concerts, dressed in a Sousa uniform in Aycock Auditorium. My only regret? That I never got to play a solo in Aycock (my only Wind Ensemble solo was in Dana Auditorium at Guilford College).
So, tomorrow is it. I'm not playing any huge parts or any solos, I am actually doubled on everything. I will be sitting at the end of the section. BUT, I will be completing 3 years of playing with the UNCG Wind Ensemble, a group that I used to only dream of playing with, and I will be closing out 11 years of concerts.
Next stop, student teaching!
Back in August, I was counting down to this. I would have paid someone to take my spot in Wind Ensemble and dreaded walking into 111 every day. But now, I am actually really pretty sad about it.
The last few months I feel like I have really found a niche. I finally accepted that I am 22 and not 30 and that I have some pretty incredible people around me. Hope, Malik, Bobby and I started hanging out more which of course in turn made Wind Ensemble more bearable since Bobby sits right behind me. I think it is safe to say that I have started looking forward to rehearsals since it is built in time with them.
I have had so many opportunities while playing in the Wind Ensemble, and the great thing is that none of it depended on what chair I was. I played at NCMEA, went on a tour across the south eastern US (9 concerts, 7 cities), recorded on two different cds, and am even up for a Grammy nomination for the first cd (ok, so the whole ensemble is, but still). I have played under some incredible conductors, premiered huge works, and met some incredible composers. I have even played for sold out concerts, dressed in a Sousa uniform in Aycock Auditorium. My only regret? That I never got to play a solo in Aycock (my only Wind Ensemble solo was in Dana Auditorium at Guilford College).
So, tomorrow is it. I'm not playing any huge parts or any solos, I am actually doubled on everything. I will be sitting at the end of the section. BUT, I will be completing 3 years of playing with the UNCG Wind Ensemble, a group that I used to only dream of playing with, and I will be closing out 11 years of concerts.
Next stop, student teaching!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Make a JOYFUL noise...
One of my friends recently posted something Facebook about how the ever-growing decline in traditional music in the church is driving people away from church and that we need to keep traditional music going. I agree in a way. BUT, then people started talking about how contemporary music is only for untrained musicians and ignorant people (and even further that they don't belong in the church... I'll touch on that one in another post), those that can only play three chords. Someone even said that we shouldn't mix "the sacred with the profane". Hmm...
Here is my view/ how I responded (surprise, surprise!)-
"I am a member of the PC(USA) denomination and preparing to go to seminary. In my discussions with leaders of my own church, leaders at the seminary, and the denomination as a whole I have learned that church music is one of the biggest things they are facing in trying to make our church a 21st century church.
YES, the music that you are saying is leaving the church is traditional and a very important part of the church. Many people have grown to love it over the years and expect that every Sunday, they will not only sing, but hear this type of music. HOWEVER.....
There are those that may not appreciate this type of music as much. Surprisingly, this is actually a very large number. So in an attempt to make it a 21st century church, this has to be taken into account. I am not, by any means, saying that the "traditional" music should be thrown out the window, but it is also important to note that if there is no "contemporary" music, we will also lose those people.
Many churches have taken the approach of a mixed service, with both traditional and contemporary, or even going to the extent of having a fully contemporary service. This is very appealing to the younger generations because contemporary music is something that have come to know through church camp and the radio. It is important that we appeal to those members of the congregation as well, even if they are younger, because they are the FUTURE of our church."
I think that is a good summary of how I feel about traditional vs. contemporary. Now onto the other points that were made-
The church is not necessarily a place for professional musicians. Yes, they add quality to the music, but I don't necessarily see that this is a necessity (please keep in mind that I am a PAID guest musician at many churches and this is a major portion of my income). Psalm 100 says to make a JOYFUL noise unto the Lord. Not a PROFESSIONAL or BEAUTIFUL noise. This means that even if the singing or playing is one of the worst things we have ever heard, if it for the Lord, then it belongs in the church. This is one reason I am taking a music focus in YOUTH ministry- not PROFESSIONAL MUSICIANS ministry. 6th graders are not great musicians by any means, except that they are trying and putting all that they have into what they are doing. If they can't play a C major scale exactly right, but they can honk out one or two notes in the hymn, I want them to be able to play in church if they want to. I am wrong for doing this? Some might say yes, but they aren't the ones the music is being played for.
SO... going with that, this profane music (contemporary music) may not sound great to some, but it is people lifting up their voices and making a JOYFUL noise to the Lord. Just because you sing/ play contemporary music does not make you any less of a musician than if you are playing Bach on the organ.
Basically, I think that any music as long as it is for the LORD, belongs in the church. It may not appeal to everyone, but it will appeal to some. Shouldn't we be trying to reach everyone rather than one single group of people?
And as I said at the end of my comment on facebook... "I could keep going, but I have a paper to do. I am glad to see that so many people have an opinion though! Maybe it is something you could share with your church since this is a big problem in all denominations right now. They want input! Especially from young adults who are about to take over leadership roles in the church."
Now... go out and make a JOYFUL noise be it traditional, contemporary, or something we haven't even categorized yet!
Here is my view/ how I responded (surprise, surprise!)-
"I am a member of the PC(USA) denomination and preparing to go to seminary. In my discussions with leaders of my own church, leaders at the seminary, and the denomination as a whole I have learned that church music is one of the biggest things they are facing in trying to make our church a 21st century church.
YES, the music that you are saying is leaving the church is traditional and a very important part of the church. Many people have grown to love it over the years and expect that every Sunday, they will not only sing, but hear this type of music. HOWEVER.....
There are those that may not appreciate this type of music as much. Surprisingly, this is actually a very large number. So in an attempt to make it a 21st century church, this has to be taken into account. I am not, by any means, saying that the "traditional" music should be thrown out the window, but it is also important to note that if there is no "contemporary" music, we will also lose those people.
Many churches have taken the approach of a mixed service, with both traditional and contemporary, or even going to the extent of having a fully contemporary service. This is very appealing to the younger generations because contemporary music is something that have come to know through church camp and the radio. It is important that we appeal to those members of the congregation as well, even if they are younger, because they are the FUTURE of our church."
I think that is a good summary of how I feel about traditional vs. contemporary. Now onto the other points that were made-
The church is not necessarily a place for professional musicians. Yes, they add quality to the music, but I don't necessarily see that this is a necessity (please keep in mind that I am a PAID guest musician at many churches and this is a major portion of my income). Psalm 100 says to make a JOYFUL noise unto the Lord. Not a PROFESSIONAL or BEAUTIFUL noise. This means that even if the singing or playing is one of the worst things we have ever heard, if it for the Lord, then it belongs in the church. This is one reason I am taking a music focus in YOUTH ministry- not PROFESSIONAL MUSICIANS ministry. 6th graders are not great musicians by any means, except that they are trying and putting all that they have into what they are doing. If they can't play a C major scale exactly right, but they can honk out one or two notes in the hymn, I want them to be able to play in church if they want to. I am wrong for doing this? Some might say yes, but they aren't the ones the music is being played for.
SO... going with that, this profane music (contemporary music) may not sound great to some, but it is people lifting up their voices and making a JOYFUL noise to the Lord. Just because you sing/ play contemporary music does not make you any less of a musician than if you are playing Bach on the organ.
Basically, I think that any music as long as it is for the LORD, belongs in the church. It may not appeal to everyone, but it will appeal to some. Shouldn't we be trying to reach everyone rather than one single group of people?
And as I said at the end of my comment on facebook... "I could keep going, but I have a paper to do. I am glad to see that so many people have an opinion though! Maybe it is something you could share with your church since this is a big problem in all denominations right now. They want input! Especially from young adults who are about to take over leadership roles in the church."
Now... go out and make a JOYFUL noise be it traditional, contemporary, or something we haven't even categorized yet!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Thoughts from tonight- some from the discussion, some from personal life (they crept in somehow)...
1) I have never really thought about hell. I don't live my life making sure I don't go to hell. I know God loves me and understands that sometimes I may just screw up. Doesn't mean I am going to use that as an excuse to do stupid stuff, just means that I know that even if I do screw up, I am not going to hell. There are other things in life to worry about.
2) I would rather live my life like a billboard have people want to ask me why I do the things I do, rather than hand out fliers trying to save someone.
3) I am not going to push anymore. Maybe this was part of the "God brings people in your life for a reason- some are here for a little bit, others stay around." The whole thing helped me when I needed it most, and I am happy for that. But at this point, I am not going to continue to try to keep it if I am the only one trying.
4) I am gonna try to cut my alcohol consumption for many reasons. The first being my wallet, the second my weight. Other reasons are in play, but those are the main ones.
5) You can't go back to where you were, but you start fresh and try again. This doesn't mean you start back at best friends right away... you have to work your way to that.
1) I have never really thought about hell. I don't live my life making sure I don't go to hell. I know God loves me and understands that sometimes I may just screw up. Doesn't mean I am going to use that as an excuse to do stupid stuff, just means that I know that even if I do screw up, I am not going to hell. There are other things in life to worry about.
2) I would rather live my life like a billboard have people want to ask me why I do the things I do, rather than hand out fliers trying to save someone.
3) I am not going to push anymore. Maybe this was part of the "God brings people in your life for a reason- some are here for a little bit, others stay around." The whole thing helped me when I needed it most, and I am happy for that. But at this point, I am not going to continue to try to keep it if I am the only one trying.
4) I am gonna try to cut my alcohol consumption for many reasons. The first being my wallet, the second my weight. Other reasons are in play, but those are the main ones.
5) You can't go back to where you were, but you start fresh and try again. This doesn't mean you start back at best friends right away... you have to work your way to that.
When does it start?
I am confirmed to begin a M. Div in Fall 2011. That is a little over a year from now. So when does my ministry start?
Here is a cliche answer: It has been going all my life.
But is that really so cliche? Theoretically, this should be the case. It is also something that we forget all too often. That hit me the other night.
I was crashing after a really long day and really just wanted to spend my evening talking to my friend and watching the basketball game. I really did not want to solve anyone else's problems. This is the reason I pretty much ignored everyone that night. But then someone started getting persistent. AIM, Facebook, phone call... I would be lying if I said I wasn't incredibly annoyed.
Then a text came in. "Do you have time to talk? I feel like I really need to talk to someone." Really?? At midnight? Couldn't it wait til... never? I did ignore the text for a few minutes, figuring I would reply in the morning and by then everything would be cool anyway. But then I started thinking...
What kind of ministry am I doing if I ignore people when they come to me and need help? I am sure Kathryn and John get plenty of those calls, and I am sure all they want to do is roll over and ignore them. But when it comes down to it, they answer.
Jesus probably didn't want to do all that he did. I am sure there were times he would lay in bed and ask God if he was serious about the plans for the next day, or even for that moment. Jesus was human after all. BUT, he went out and did it. He was there for the people, even if he would rather be fishing and alone for once.
I kept trying to ignore it, but it was nagging at me and I couldn't get to sleep. The argument of "I'm not on leadership team anymore" wasn't cutting it... I knew that really didn't matter. So I replied. As I expected, it led to a night of texts and a meeting. It may have put me out a few minutes of solitude, but it helped them.
I think that is what ministry is about, and you don't have to go to some fancy school to get a degree in order to do it. Sometimes, that phone will ring and you will want to ignore it but sometimes you can't. I think the key thing to remember is that this is such a minor sacrifice compared to others that you could be making. And you never know what you are doing for the person on the other end.
I am not saying you always have to pay attention to everyone, but it is important to take notice of when it isn't someone just wanting to say "Hi". This isn't just the phone though... it is all the time.
So, be a minister today and reach out to those that may need an encouraging word or two, even if it takes away a few minutes of your sleep.
**********
On the same line of when does my ministry start, I found out today that I am now considered part of the St. Paul's Triumvirate. Basically, we are three members (well, two since I transferred membership to Starmount) who are Seminarians. Rob is finishing up at Vanderbilt, Amanda just finished at Louisville (will be ordained in May), and I will be starting at Union. This is really exciting for me since I thought they were pretty upset since I am going the Presby route now (St. Paul's is Disciples of Christ). But even though I am no longer a member, and I am not going to a DOC seminary, they have taken me under their wings. It is really a great feeling to know I still have support on that end.
This of course means that I will be going to Raleigh more. Amanda has asked me to participate in her ordination (probably scripture and communion), and they have started whispering about having me do a sermon every now and then. I reminded them that I won't even start seminary until 2011 but they don't care. Kind of exciting :) So I guess that is another answer to the "when do I start" question.
The only sad thing is that Amanda will be ordained and Rob isn't too far behind (I think next spring) so once I really do start, I will be the only one and splitting my NC time between St. Paul's and Starmount (as it probably should be, except that I would much rather spend as much time as I can at Starmount).
Lot's to think about! I guess this blog will really help as I have to start throwing sermon ideas around.
I will probably update again tonight/ tomorrow since we have Guinness tonight.
Until then, God bless! And go start your ministry TODAY! :)
Here is a cliche answer: It has been going all my life.
But is that really so cliche? Theoretically, this should be the case. It is also something that we forget all too often. That hit me the other night.
I was crashing after a really long day and really just wanted to spend my evening talking to my friend and watching the basketball game. I really did not want to solve anyone else's problems. This is the reason I pretty much ignored everyone that night. But then someone started getting persistent. AIM, Facebook, phone call... I would be lying if I said I wasn't incredibly annoyed.
Then a text came in. "Do you have time to talk? I feel like I really need to talk to someone." Really?? At midnight? Couldn't it wait til... never? I did ignore the text for a few minutes, figuring I would reply in the morning and by then everything would be cool anyway. But then I started thinking...
What kind of ministry am I doing if I ignore people when they come to me and need help? I am sure Kathryn and John get plenty of those calls, and I am sure all they want to do is roll over and ignore them. But when it comes down to it, they answer.
Jesus probably didn't want to do all that he did. I am sure there were times he would lay in bed and ask God if he was serious about the plans for the next day, or even for that moment. Jesus was human after all. BUT, he went out and did it. He was there for the people, even if he would rather be fishing and alone for once.
I kept trying to ignore it, but it was nagging at me and I couldn't get to sleep. The argument of "I'm not on leadership team anymore" wasn't cutting it... I knew that really didn't matter. So I replied. As I expected, it led to a night of texts and a meeting. It may have put me out a few minutes of solitude, but it helped them.
I think that is what ministry is about, and you don't have to go to some fancy school to get a degree in order to do it. Sometimes, that phone will ring and you will want to ignore it but sometimes you can't. I think the key thing to remember is that this is such a minor sacrifice compared to others that you could be making. And you never know what you are doing for the person on the other end.
I am not saying you always have to pay attention to everyone, but it is important to take notice of when it isn't someone just wanting to say "Hi". This isn't just the phone though... it is all the time.
So, be a minister today and reach out to those that may need an encouraging word or two, even if it takes away a few minutes of your sleep.
**********
On the same line of when does my ministry start, I found out today that I am now considered part of the St. Paul's Triumvirate. Basically, we are three members (well, two since I transferred membership to Starmount) who are Seminarians. Rob is finishing up at Vanderbilt, Amanda just finished at Louisville (will be ordained in May), and I will be starting at Union. This is really exciting for me since I thought they were pretty upset since I am going the Presby route now (St. Paul's is Disciples of Christ). But even though I am no longer a member, and I am not going to a DOC seminary, they have taken me under their wings. It is really a great feeling to know I still have support on that end.
This of course means that I will be going to Raleigh more. Amanda has asked me to participate in her ordination (probably scripture and communion), and they have started whispering about having me do a sermon every now and then. I reminded them that I won't even start seminary until 2011 but they don't care. Kind of exciting :) So I guess that is another answer to the "when do I start" question.
The only sad thing is that Amanda will be ordained and Rob isn't too far behind (I think next spring) so once I really do start, I will be the only one and splitting my NC time between St. Paul's and Starmount (as it probably should be, except that I would much rather spend as much time as I can at Starmount).
Lot's to think about! I guess this blog will really help as I have to start throwing sermon ideas around.
I will probably update again tonight/ tomorrow since we have Guinness tonight.
Until then, God bless! And go start your ministry TODAY! :)
Monday, April 5, 2010
Renewing Friendships
Things are slowly getting better with Ben.
Mike is back in town, and not going back on the boat.
I love my trumpet.
I feel like I am slowly getting back to my old self :) I kinda missed this...
Mike is back in town, and not going back on the boat.
I love my trumpet.
I feel like I am slowly getting back to my old self :) I kinda missed this...
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Holy Week
I hate that I haven't been able to do this sooner, however my week has been a bit insane. More on that later, maybe.
So, just in case you haven't quite figured it out in talking to me or reading this blog, I am a Christian through and through. This week has been a big one in Christianity- it's Holy Week. This is the week when we remember the last days of Jesus Christ, and all that he did to save us.
The week starts out with Palm Sunday. My favorite depiction of Palm Sunday has to be a drawing that my younger sister did this year. It shows Jesus coming into town on the donkey, but unlike most depictions, it is a real party. Jesus is throwing candy and mardi gras beads (you would have to understand my sister to really appreciate that), children are racing to the street, and everyone around him is exuberant (and of course one person is playing trumpet...). I think this is my favorite because it shows that Jesus wasn't necessarily there to take over power and intimidate like many other rulers would have done. Jesus was there for and with the people. He didn't come in on a white stallion and wearing a suit of armor, he came in on a donkey and his everyday robes. He came in knowing what was getting ready to happen to him, but he came in anyway. How incredible is that?
So, after a few more adventures in the wonderful world of Jerusalem (that are not unimportant at all, but I am focusing on the key days), we arrive at Maundy Thursday. This is when Jesus and his Disciples gathered in the upper room and took part in the very first communion (I will limit comments about this, but for my view check out my communion blog). This is also the time when rather than having his feet washed, Jesus washes his Disciples feet. When one of the Disciples questions this, Jesus tells him and the others to do this even after he is gone- to go out and wash the feet of others. Kind of a gross, but humbling thought if you ask me. I am not a fan of feet, but it is an experience to wash someone else's feet (we did it in PCM a few weeks ago). I think the point here is not to literally "wash feet" though- I think it is to go out and SERVE others in whatever capacity.
After dinner and the feet washing, Jesus and the 12 go to the garden to pray. This is when Jesus was betrayed by the same man who questioned him earlier. Jesus was betrayed by a kiss. BUT if you ask me, I think we shouldn't hate this man. Hold on before you run away... in bible study a few weeks ago, we were talking about this situation and it was mentioned that in order for all of this to happen, Jesus needed to be betrayed. Judas had no control over this. Being the betrayer was what he was called to do, even if it was a really crappy job. Now, if he had some control over the matter, I would really kind of hate him. But because of his betrayal, the rest of the week was able to take place (no matter how sad it may be).
Following the betrayal, Jesus was put before the judges and after a long night of questioning, hung on a cross to die (Good Friday)
The thing here is that he KNEW what was going to happen. He KNEW that he was losing his life for a bunch of sinners, most of who were not even alive yet. But he still did it. This goes way beyond anything we could ever think of or even begin to understand. What an absolutely INCREDIBLE and AWESOME sacrifice. But, what an incredibly devastating one.
Three days go by. Jesus has been buried in a tomb and the people of Jerusalem are weeping. The ladies go to the tomb and the stone has been rolled away. Jesus Christ has risen! And thus, we have Easter. (If I had more time I would go into more detail here...)
What an absolutely incredible week. This is the week that the Christian faith is based on. The hard thing about it for me is that I can go through the stories and reflections of the week, but when I get to Jesus making this HUGE sacrifice, I think about all of the fighting that I do when I don't want to do something.
For those of you who don't know, I will be starting at Union Presbyterian Seminary in Fall 2011. Making the decision to follow this call was one of the hardest things I have done. I have spent a lot of time fighting it (why go for another degree when I will have 2 perfectly good ones?). Why am I fighting what is such a simple call compared to the one that Jesus Christ had or even Judas? It really puts a lot of things into perspective when you look at the sacrifices and incredibly hard calls that were made and followed throughout holy week.
SO... I hope that everyone will take some time today (in the time of Tenebrae), to reflect on the last days of Jesus Christ, and even your life.
And hey, it may be really sad right now, but as my pastor said last night... "I got a really good feeling about Sunday!"
off to rehearsal.
So, just in case you haven't quite figured it out in talking to me or reading this blog, I am a Christian through and through. This week has been a big one in Christianity- it's Holy Week. This is the week when we remember the last days of Jesus Christ, and all that he did to save us.
The week starts out with Palm Sunday. My favorite depiction of Palm Sunday has to be a drawing that my younger sister did this year. It shows Jesus coming into town on the donkey, but unlike most depictions, it is a real party. Jesus is throwing candy and mardi gras beads (you would have to understand my sister to really appreciate that), children are racing to the street, and everyone around him is exuberant (and of course one person is playing trumpet...). I think this is my favorite because it shows that Jesus wasn't necessarily there to take over power and intimidate like many other rulers would have done. Jesus was there for and with the people. He didn't come in on a white stallion and wearing a suit of armor, he came in on a donkey and his everyday robes. He came in knowing what was getting ready to happen to him, but he came in anyway. How incredible is that?
So, after a few more adventures in the wonderful world of Jerusalem (that are not unimportant at all, but I am focusing on the key days), we arrive at Maundy Thursday. This is when Jesus and his Disciples gathered in the upper room and took part in the very first communion (I will limit comments about this, but for my view check out my communion blog). This is also the time when rather than having his feet washed, Jesus washes his Disciples feet. When one of the Disciples questions this, Jesus tells him and the others to do this even after he is gone- to go out and wash the feet of others. Kind of a gross, but humbling thought if you ask me. I am not a fan of feet, but it is an experience to wash someone else's feet (we did it in PCM a few weeks ago). I think the point here is not to literally "wash feet" though- I think it is to go out and SERVE others in whatever capacity.
After dinner and the feet washing, Jesus and the 12 go to the garden to pray. This is when Jesus was betrayed by the same man who questioned him earlier. Jesus was betrayed by a kiss. BUT if you ask me, I think we shouldn't hate this man. Hold on before you run away... in bible study a few weeks ago, we were talking about this situation and it was mentioned that in order for all of this to happen, Jesus needed to be betrayed. Judas had no control over this. Being the betrayer was what he was called to do, even if it was a really crappy job. Now, if he had some control over the matter, I would really kind of hate him. But because of his betrayal, the rest of the week was able to take place (no matter how sad it may be).
Following the betrayal, Jesus was put before the judges and after a long night of questioning, hung on a cross to die (Good Friday)
The thing here is that he KNEW what was going to happen. He KNEW that he was losing his life for a bunch of sinners, most of who were not even alive yet. But he still did it. This goes way beyond anything we could ever think of or even begin to understand. What an absolutely INCREDIBLE and AWESOME sacrifice. But, what an incredibly devastating one.
Three days go by. Jesus has been buried in a tomb and the people of Jerusalem are weeping. The ladies go to the tomb and the stone has been rolled away. Jesus Christ has risen! And thus, we have Easter. (If I had more time I would go into more detail here...)
What an absolutely incredible week. This is the week that the Christian faith is based on. The hard thing about it for me is that I can go through the stories and reflections of the week, but when I get to Jesus making this HUGE sacrifice, I think about all of the fighting that I do when I don't want to do something.
For those of you who don't know, I will be starting at Union Presbyterian Seminary in Fall 2011. Making the decision to follow this call was one of the hardest things I have done. I have spent a lot of time fighting it (why go for another degree when I will have 2 perfectly good ones?). Why am I fighting what is such a simple call compared to the one that Jesus Christ had or even Judas? It really puts a lot of things into perspective when you look at the sacrifices and incredibly hard calls that were made and followed throughout holy week.
SO... I hope that everyone will take some time today (in the time of Tenebrae), to reflect on the last days of Jesus Christ, and even your life.
And hey, it may be really sad right now, but as my pastor said last night... "I got a really good feeling about Sunday!"
off to rehearsal.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I am worried about my friend. What I really hate is that all I want is for him to be happy right now, but I cannot come up with a solution. Go figure I am the one who would give up absolutely anything for the ones that I love to be happy, so this is taking over my mind right now. Doesn't matter that I am finally pretty ridiculously happy. That just makes me hate the situation even more.
It is hard to be in a place where you aren't getting much from your job and you don't have anyone to go home to. I have to do it every day and I am miserable. The thing is, I am 21 and have huge plans for the future. I am not necessarily ready to have someone waiting for me when I get home (as much as I do love the idea). But they are more than at the point when they should be able to have that. I can't lie on this one, part of me hurts because at one point I wanted to be that for him. Then I realized I am not anywhere close to what he needs, as much as I wish I were. Really, I don't know that a girl exists that deserves to be with him... every girl would have at least one or two things wrong with them. He deserves the most perfect girl in the world. I hate that, because I can't do anything to help with it.
I spend a lot of my time thinking about it. Trying to find some solution. Maybe it is because I am still young and don't have much experience. Maybe it is because I have the whole "past interest" thing blocking me. I just wish I could do something to help him. He does a great job at laughing it all off and putting on a show, but I know that he is hurting and I know there is nothing that I can do. All I can do is try to be there as the "little sister" when/ if he wants to talk about it. I just feel like that isn't enough.
You can only throw yourself into your hobbies for so long before they no longer provide the escape that they once did... I know this. We need that personal relationship with another person.
*sigh*
It is hard to be in a place where you aren't getting much from your job and you don't have anyone to go home to. I have to do it every day and I am miserable. The thing is, I am 21 and have huge plans for the future. I am not necessarily ready to have someone waiting for me when I get home (as much as I do love the idea). But they are more than at the point when they should be able to have that. I can't lie on this one, part of me hurts because at one point I wanted to be that for him. Then I realized I am not anywhere close to what he needs, as much as I wish I were. Really, I don't know that a girl exists that deserves to be with him... every girl would have at least one or two things wrong with them. He deserves the most perfect girl in the world. I hate that, because I can't do anything to help with it.
I spend a lot of my time thinking about it. Trying to find some solution. Maybe it is because I am still young and don't have much experience. Maybe it is because I have the whole "past interest" thing blocking me. I just wish I could do something to help him. He does a great job at laughing it all off and putting on a show, but I know that he is hurting and I know there is nothing that I can do. All I can do is try to be there as the "little sister" when/ if he wants to talk about it. I just feel like that isn't enough.
You can only throw yourself into your hobbies for so long before they no longer provide the escape that they once did... I know this. We need that personal relationship with another person.
*sigh*
Saturday, March 27, 2010
A few thoughts
So I think once I am through this recital I will be able to get back on track with my thoughtful line of blogs.
For now, these random thoughts about my personal life will have to do.
My sister is spending the weekend with me. It is definitely nice to have someone to cook for and do things with! Last night we went downtown to Natty's to celebrate Andrew's 30th birthday. We left early (since she is 18) and went to see Alice in Wonderland. Decent movie, not anything I will rush out to see again. Today we will probably just hang out around here... maybe go to the mall.
The recital is tomorrow. I am now in that "eh" mood. Not nervous, not excited. I think the whole thing with some important people starting to bail is really getting to me. There is a chance that Andrew won't be there (no clue why but this is what he told Noel last night), Lars is probably working, and Marc had to bail so he can work. I guess the silver lining to the cloud is that there is still a slight chance that John and Ben will be there. Felicity and Eric can't be there, but I am skyping them. I guess I just really wanted the people that have really pushed me to be there to see where I have come. Oh well. Either way, it is going to be kick ass and worth every penny I have dropped on it (way too much...).
Other than that, there isn't much on my mind.
For now, these random thoughts about my personal life will have to do.
My sister is spending the weekend with me. It is definitely nice to have someone to cook for and do things with! Last night we went downtown to Natty's to celebrate Andrew's 30th birthday. We left early (since she is 18) and went to see Alice in Wonderland. Decent movie, not anything I will rush out to see again. Today we will probably just hang out around here... maybe go to the mall.
The recital is tomorrow. I am now in that "eh" mood. Not nervous, not excited. I think the whole thing with some important people starting to bail is really getting to me. There is a chance that Andrew won't be there (no clue why but this is what he told Noel last night), Lars is probably working, and Marc had to bail so he can work. I guess the silver lining to the cloud is that there is still a slight chance that John and Ben will be there. Felicity and Eric can't be there, but I am skyping them. I guess I just really wanted the people that have really pushed me to be there to see where I have come. Oh well. Either way, it is going to be kick ass and worth every penny I have dropped on it (way too much...).
Other than that, there isn't much on my mind.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Pittsburgh Theological Seminary
Back in November I had the pleasure of meeting a lady from Pittsburgh Theological Seminary (Pittsburgh, PA) and talking to her about seminary. I found out that the application deadline for Term III of 2010-2011 (February start) was looming and I better get my application in. The only problem was that if I was accepted, I only had 30 days to confirm. This meant I had to do ALL of my applications at once (even if I didn't plan to start until the Fall).
Well, I sent in the application and met with the same lady for an interview while I was at the college conference at Montreat. The interview went well but I felt that it was very stuffy and not nearly as personal and relaxed as my meeting with the Union representative. I found out that Pitts had a lot to offer outside of the Seminary, but they were lacking the local mission that I was looking for. Needless to say they went from being number one to needing a lot of thought.
Well, after two months of waiting, I heard back from PTS yesterday and I was accepted! Part of me is still very interested (I mean Mr. Rogers went there... who wouldn't want to go? lol) and I am doing some more research and will probably make a few phone calls. Unfortunately it is way too expensive for me to go visit, not to mention I have no time before the deadline to confirm.
Hm...
Now is the time to start weighing my options! I love that I have them though... accepted to both grad schools is a GREAT feeling! :)
Well, I sent in the application and met with the same lady for an interview while I was at the college conference at Montreat. The interview went well but I felt that it was very stuffy and not nearly as personal and relaxed as my meeting with the Union representative. I found out that Pitts had a lot to offer outside of the Seminary, but they were lacking the local mission that I was looking for. Needless to say they went from being number one to needing a lot of thought.
Well, after two months of waiting, I heard back from PTS yesterday and I was accepted! Part of me is still very interested (I mean Mr. Rogers went there... who wouldn't want to go? lol) and I am doing some more research and will probably make a few phone calls. Unfortunately it is way too expensive for me to go visit, not to mention I have no time before the deadline to confirm.
Hm...
Now is the time to start weighing my options! I love that I have them though... accepted to both grad schools is a GREAT feeling! :)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
When was the last time?
When was the last time that you picked up your Bible?
Was it on your own?
Was it for a reference or just to read?
Why is it so hard for us to pick up the Bible, find a comfy spot, and just read?
There is so much pressure on us between school, work, friends, family... even church. By the time we get home the only thing that we really want to do is sit down with a cold beverage in front of the TV and watch American Idol or How I Met Your Mother. The last thing we want to do is more reading and even more thinking.
What a disturbing thought. We go to church every Sunday, wear our cross necklaces, maybe quote something we think is in the bible, and maybe even go to a Bible study or two... but we won't take time on our own to sit down and read (but we will take time for Twilight and those cheap romance novels from the grocery store).
So... rather than thinking about everything else we can do, lets think about why we are so scared of this big book? A question that was posed at one of my Bible studies a few weeks ago was "What is your first memory of the Bible?". We went around the group and most of us remembered reading our picture Bibles with our family, or hearing a story from it as a bedtime story. That is what we remembered, and that is what we loved.
Who is to say you can only enjoy the Bible as a child? Shoot... we are all children in some way. Want pictures? There are tons of Bibles out there with pictures. Want a good story? Open up to any book and just start reading. There are TONS of stories throughout the Bible.
So rather than sitting here reading my rants (and rather than me writing them), find your Bible, dust it off, and just open it! Chances are you will open to something pretty incredible and maybe even get hooked. Read it like a story book if that is what helps. As long as you allow God to stay present and speak to and through you as you read, it is bound to be a pretty incredible experience!
Was it on your own?
Was it for a reference or just to read?
Why is it so hard for us to pick up the Bible, find a comfy spot, and just read?
There is so much pressure on us between school, work, friends, family... even church. By the time we get home the only thing that we really want to do is sit down with a cold beverage in front of the TV and watch American Idol or How I Met Your Mother. The last thing we want to do is more reading and even more thinking.
What a disturbing thought. We go to church every Sunday, wear our cross necklaces, maybe quote something we think is in the bible, and maybe even go to a Bible study or two... but we won't take time on our own to sit down and read (but we will take time for Twilight and those cheap romance novels from the grocery store).
So... rather than thinking about everything else we can do, lets think about why we are so scared of this big book? A question that was posed at one of my Bible studies a few weeks ago was "What is your first memory of the Bible?". We went around the group and most of us remembered reading our picture Bibles with our family, or hearing a story from it as a bedtime story. That is what we remembered, and that is what we loved.
Who is to say you can only enjoy the Bible as a child? Shoot... we are all children in some way. Want pictures? There are tons of Bibles out there with pictures. Want a good story? Open up to any book and just start reading. There are TONS of stories throughout the Bible.
So rather than sitting here reading my rants (and rather than me writing them), find your Bible, dust it off, and just open it! Chances are you will open to something pretty incredible and maybe even get hooked. Read it like a story book if that is what helps. As long as you allow God to stay present and speak to and through you as you read, it is bound to be a pretty incredible experience!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
SB 2010
So this was my first full spring break since I started college. I have always had NTC or something else that ended it early/ started it late. SO... it was a decent one :) Here are the highlights...
-SoCon 2010... both teams played some great games (men did better than expected). Lots of fun was had by all, but I am glad to say it was my last one after 4 years. There comes a point in time when you just kinda out grow that kind of stuff...
-Sick... every day but Tuesday (miracles happen!). At first I thought it was strep, then it just turned into a really nasty cold that is still hanging around :(
-Union campus visit/ interview... read the last blog. It was incredible and I was accepted. I have gotten emails from the professors that I met and it has me even more excited. Now I just wait to see if I get accepted to Pittsburgh and then I weigh my options.
-Felicity was in the hospital with what she calls "pregnant sick". She got hit with a virus that had her dehydrated, crazy blood pressure, and losing way too much weight way too fast. Not good for the baby. She is home now and trying to stay there.
-Got some fun sister time with Noel. I hated that I couldn't go back to Greensboro early like I originally planned but I didn't want to leave her here alone for the start of her SB. Lots of bonding and falling asleep in front of the TV lol.
-Triangle Brass Band w/ Allen Vizzuti. was. AMAZING. Not gonna lie... the trumpet section didn't impress me all that much, but it was great to see/ hear Andy do what he does best (since he doesn't get to enough when we are at school) and hear Allen Vizzuti blow my mind on trumpet. After the concert, Andy got us backstage and introduced me to Vizzuti. I kinda word vomited all over the place but I was just a little excited. And he was so nice!
So now, I finish laundry and pack and then hit the road back to Gboro. I haven't gotten any work done while I was home so I will be slammed once I get there. Oh well. It was worth it. Next year I won't even have a spring break!
-SoCon 2010... both teams played some great games (men did better than expected). Lots of fun was had by all, but I am glad to say it was my last one after 4 years. There comes a point in time when you just kinda out grow that kind of stuff...
-Sick... every day but Tuesday (miracles happen!). At first I thought it was strep, then it just turned into a really nasty cold that is still hanging around :(
-Union campus visit/ interview... read the last blog. It was incredible and I was accepted. I have gotten emails from the professors that I met and it has me even more excited. Now I just wait to see if I get accepted to Pittsburgh and then I weigh my options.
-Felicity was in the hospital with what she calls "pregnant sick". She got hit with a virus that had her dehydrated, crazy blood pressure, and losing way too much weight way too fast. Not good for the baby. She is home now and trying to stay there.
-Got some fun sister time with Noel. I hated that I couldn't go back to Greensboro early like I originally planned but I didn't want to leave her here alone for the start of her SB. Lots of bonding and falling asleep in front of the TV lol.
-Triangle Brass Band w/ Allen Vizzuti. was. AMAZING. Not gonna lie... the trumpet section didn't impress me all that much, but it was great to see/ hear Andy do what he does best (since he doesn't get to enough when we are at school) and hear Allen Vizzuti blow my mind on trumpet. After the concert, Andy got us backstage and introduced me to Vizzuti. I kinda word vomited all over the place but I was just a little excited. And he was so nice!
So now, I finish laundry and pack and then hit the road back to Gboro. I haven't gotten any work done while I was home so I will be slammed once I get there. Oh well. It was worth it. Next year I won't even have a spring break!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Communion on the moon
Between the seminary visit and being sick all week, I am lacking the energy to write something worthwhile (including required papers). I hope this will suffice, even if it is a few days late.
This is something my former boss sent me the other day that I thought was incredibly interesting and meaningful... enjoy.
> 40 years ago ...guess what happened...
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
>
> I had not heard of this before . . .
>
>
>
> Communion on the Moon
>
> I love this. How many of you knew? Too bad this type
> news doesn't travel as fast as bad.
>
> Communion on the Moon: July 20th, 1969
>
> (This is an article by Eric Metaxas)
>
> Forty years ago two human beings changed history by
> walking on the surface of the moon. But what happened before Buzz Aldrin
> and Neil Armstrong exited the Lunar Module is perhaps even more amazing,
> if only because so few people know about it. "I'm talking about the fact
> that Buzz Aldrin took communion on the surface of the moon. Some months
> after his return, he wrote about it in Guideposts magazine.
>
> And a few years ago I had the privilege of meeting him
> myself. I asked him about it and he confirmed the story to me, and I
> wrote about in my book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About God
> (But Were Afraid to Ask).
>
> The background to the story is that Aldrin was an elder
> at his Presbyterian Church in Texas during this period in his life, and
> knowing that he would soon be doing something unprecedented in human
> history, he felt he should mark the occasion somehow, and he asked his
> minister to help him. And so the minister consecrated a communion wafer
> and a small vial of communion wine. And Buzz Aldrin took them with him
> out of the Earth's orbit and on to the surface of the moon.
>
> He and Armstrong had only been on the lunar surface for a
> few minutes when Aldrin made the following public statement:
> "This is the LM pilot. I'd like to take this opportunity
> to ask every person listening in, whoever and wherever they may be, to
> pause for a moment and contemplate the events of the past few hours and
> to give thanks in his or her own way." He then ended radio communication
> and there, on the silent surface of the moon, 250,000 miles from home, he
> read a verse from the Gospel of John, and he took communion. Here is his
> own account of what happened:
>
> "In the radio blackout, I opened the little plastic
> packages which contained the bread and the wine. I poured the wine into
> the chalice our church had given me. In the one-sixth gravity of the
> moon, the wine slowly curled and gracefully came up the side of the cup.
>
> Then I read the Scripture, 'I am the vine, you are the
> branches. Whosoever abides in me will bring forth much fruit.. Apart from
> me you can do nothing.
>
> I had intended to read my communion passage back to
> earth, but at the last minute [they] had requested that I not do this.
> NASA was already embroiled in a legal battle with Madelyn Murray O'Hare,
> the celebrated
> opponent of religion, over the Apollo 8 crew reading from
> Genesis while orbiting the
> moon at Christmas. I agreed reluctantly.
>
> I ate the tiny Host and swallowed the wine. I gave thanks
> for the intelligence and spirit that had brought two young pilots to the
> Sea of Tranquility . It was interesting for me to think: the very first
> liquid ever poured on the moon, and the very first food eaten there, were
> the communion elements.
>
> And of course, it's interesting to think that some of the
> first words spoken on the moon were the words of Jesus Christ, who made
> the Earth and the moon - and Who, in the immortal words of Dante, is
> Himself the
> "Love that moves the Sun and other stars."
>
> WOW!!!!
>
This is something my former boss sent me the other day that I thought was incredibly interesting and meaningful... enjoy.
> 40 years ago ...guess what happened...
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
>
> I had not heard of this before . . .
>
>
>
> Communion on the Moon
>
> I love this. How many of you knew? Too bad this type
> news doesn't travel as fast as bad.
>
> Communion on the Moon: July 20th, 1969
>
> (This is an article by Eric Metaxas)
>
> Forty years ago two human beings changed history by
> walking on the surface of the moon. But what happened before Buzz Aldrin
> and Neil Armstrong exited the Lunar Module is perhaps even more amazing,
> if only because so few people know about it. "I'm talking about the fact
> that Buzz Aldrin took communion on the surface of the moon. Some months
> after his return, he wrote about it in Guideposts magazine.
>
> And a few years ago I had the privilege of meeting him
> myself. I asked him about it and he confirmed the story to me, and I
> wrote about in my book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About God
> (But Were Afraid to Ask).
>
> The background to the story is that Aldrin was an elder
> at his Presbyterian Church in Texas during this period in his life, and
> knowing that he would soon be doing something unprecedented in human
> history, he felt he should mark the occasion somehow, and he asked his
> minister to help him. And so the minister consecrated a communion wafer
> and a small vial of communion wine. And Buzz Aldrin took them with him
> out of the Earth's orbit and on to the surface of the moon.
>
> He and Armstrong had only been on the lunar surface for a
> few minutes when Aldrin made the following public statement:
> "This is the LM pilot. I'd like to take this opportunity
> to ask every person listening in, whoever and wherever they may be, to
> pause for a moment and contemplate the events of the past few hours and
> to give thanks in his or her own way." He then ended radio communication
> and there, on the silent surface of the moon, 250,000 miles from home, he
> read a verse from the Gospel of John, and he took communion. Here is his
> own account of what happened:
>
> "In the radio blackout, I opened the little plastic
> packages which contained the bread and the wine. I poured the wine into
> the chalice our church had given me. In the one-sixth gravity of the
> moon, the wine slowly curled and gracefully came up the side of the cup.
>
> Then I read the Scripture, 'I am the vine, you are the
> branches. Whosoever abides in me will bring forth much fruit.. Apart from
> me you can do nothing.
>
> I had intended to read my communion passage back to
> earth, but at the last minute [they] had requested that I not do this.
> NASA was already embroiled in a legal battle with Madelyn Murray O'Hare,
> the celebrated
> opponent of religion, over the Apollo 8 crew reading from
> Genesis while orbiting the
> moon at Christmas. I agreed reluctantly.
>
> I ate the tiny Host and swallowed the wine. I gave thanks
> for the intelligence and spirit that had brought two young pilots to the
> Sea of Tranquility . It was interesting for me to think: the very first
> liquid ever poured on the moon, and the very first food eaten there, were
> the communion elements.
>
> And of course, it's interesting to think that some of the
> first words spoken on the moon were the words of Jesus Christ, who made
> the Earth and the moon - and Who, in the immortal words of Dante, is
> Himself the
> "Love that moves the Sun and other stars."
>
> WOW!!!!
>
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Union Presbyterian Seminary
Well, I did it. A year ago I never would have thought I would make a trip to Richmond to visit a Seminary, much less do an official interview, but that is what today was for.
Mom went with me (a huge relief on the driving part) and it definitely made things a lot less stressful. We got there around 10 am and met Brint Keyes (Director of Admissions). This was more of a catch up time since I have met him a few times previously, but it was a great way for mom to get to know him since I have mentioned him a few times in passing.
After talking to Brint, we went to "community break" which really reminded me a lot of the student lounge in the school of music. Basically, every Tuesday, the main dining/meeting room is opened up for about 30 minutes for the students to just hang out and talk between class. I met a lot of really cool people, including my former youth adviser for PYC and a friend of Andrew's. It definitely made it feel more like home!
After community break, we went to "The Fourth Gospel". This is a lecture class on John. It was really cool to see how seminary classes really are and I am definitely more excited about it! There was a wide variety of students (Jamaican, Asian, White, Black, young, old...) and lots of different ideas.
I also interviewed with Dr. Sam Adams (Old Testament), had lunch with a current student, and had a campus tour. The campus is incredible and very small (quite literally one city block). The library was absolutely incredible (ranked higher than Princeton), dorm rooms are more like apartments (no pets though), and two gorgeous chapels (great acoustics).
The people were absolutely incredible. Very welcoming and willing to answer any questions. I already feel like part of the family :)
Which is good... cause I was accepted :D
Mom went with me (a huge relief on the driving part) and it definitely made things a lot less stressful. We got there around 10 am and met Brint Keyes (Director of Admissions). This was more of a catch up time since I have met him a few times previously, but it was a great way for mom to get to know him since I have mentioned him a few times in passing.
After talking to Brint, we went to "community break" which really reminded me a lot of the student lounge in the school of music. Basically, every Tuesday, the main dining/meeting room is opened up for about 30 minutes for the students to just hang out and talk between class. I met a lot of really cool people, including my former youth adviser for PYC and a friend of Andrew's. It definitely made it feel more like home!
After community break, we went to "The Fourth Gospel". This is a lecture class on John. It was really cool to see how seminary classes really are and I am definitely more excited about it! There was a wide variety of students (Jamaican, Asian, White, Black, young, old...) and lots of different ideas.
I also interviewed with Dr. Sam Adams (Old Testament), had lunch with a current student, and had a campus tour. The campus is incredible and very small (quite literally one city block). The library was absolutely incredible (ranked higher than Princeton), dorm rooms are more like apartments (no pets though), and two gorgeous chapels (great acoustics).
The people were absolutely incredible. Very welcoming and willing to answer any questions. I already feel like part of the family :)
Which is good... cause I was accepted :D
Monday, March 8, 2010
It is all to easy to lose your footing...
As many of you know, I have struggled a lot over the past year because of the loss of my best friend (he didn't die or anything, but the way things ended it felt like he had). In the last few months I finally got myself pulled together and moved on.
Last night I decided to say hey to him when I saw that he was online. We talked for a few minutes, mainly him talking about his band program. But I had to shut it down cause I could feel myself slipping and quickly realized the rope I was holding onto so tight wasn't quite as strong as I had originally thought.
Funny how that is. We always think we know what is best for us. We make these plans and do everything in the world to stick by them. So what, there was a huge fight and you haven't talked in year.. it has been long enough and you will be friends now. Wrong. We really just can't take things for what they are.
As humans, we work so hard to make sure everything is comfortable for us. You know what? It aint gonna happen. We are so focused on what WE want to happen that we miss what GOD has in store for us.
I was so focused on this lost friendship for a while, I didn't see an even better friendship taking form. We are so focused on that missed opportunity, we don't see the thousands of new opportunities passing us by.
I was watching a movie last night with my parents called "uncorked". There was a great quote (this isn't exact) "We can make all the plans we want, but so can God, and he doesn't check in". So true.
So how bout we all let go, and let God!
Last night I decided to say hey to him when I saw that he was online. We talked for a few minutes, mainly him talking about his band program. But I had to shut it down cause I could feel myself slipping and quickly realized the rope I was holding onto so tight wasn't quite as strong as I had originally thought.
Funny how that is. We always think we know what is best for us. We make these plans and do everything in the world to stick by them. So what, there was a huge fight and you haven't talked in year.. it has been long enough and you will be friends now. Wrong. We really just can't take things for what they are.
As humans, we work so hard to make sure everything is comfortable for us. You know what? It aint gonna happen. We are so focused on what WE want to happen that we miss what GOD has in store for us.
I was so focused on this lost friendship for a while, I didn't see an even better friendship taking form. We are so focused on that missed opportunity, we don't see the thousands of new opportunities passing us by.
I was watching a movie last night with my parents called "uncorked". There was a great quote (this isn't exact) "We can make all the plans we want, but so can God, and he doesn't check in". So true.
So how bout we all let go, and let God!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Quit studying and start living!
I think I am going to have to spend half of my spring break expanding on these thoughts! I love that I am having them though :)
Today's list and then expanding on some:
-Faith is personal, but never private.
-Where have you seen God today?
-Being 100$ sure in your faith.
Tonight in bible study, we looked at Colossians 2:6-10. One of the things we talked about was "School's out! Quit studying the subject and start living it!" (Col. 2:7, The Message). So what does it mean to START LIVING it?
The way I see it, faith is a two way street. You can go to Church every Sunday or pull the Bible out every night and get nothing from it if you do not PREPARE yourself. This is not preparing in the sense that you make sure your cell phone is off or you have that glass of water by the bed before you start reading... this is prepare in the sense that you pray that God enters your life and speaks to you, with you, and through you.
I have sat in many worship services in the past and "got nothing" out of it. A lot of these services I went into expecting everything, but I never said "Here I am God and I am ready for you." Other services I went into with the idea that I already didn't agree and wouldn't enjoy it. Surprise, surprise... I got nothing.
As my Pastor said tonight- it isn't the Pastor's fault, or the choir's, or the liturgist's, or even God's fault that you get nothing out of a service. It your fault alone. If you do not open yourself up to the experience there is no way to receive anything. It is also important to realize that you won't necessarily find it in the sermon. It may be in the anthem, or the scripture, or even in the person sitting next to you (this is probably the most powerful and most common for me).
So what do you do when you have witnessed and received God's love in this way? YOU SHARE IT! That is what faith is about for me. FEELING, RECEIVING, and SHARING. This what I think is meant when Peterson translated Col. 2:7 as "School is out! Quit studying the subject and live it!". We have gone to church, we have studied the Bible, now it is time to go out into the world and LIVE, RECOGNIZE, and SHARE it.
Faith is a two way street. Once we RECEIVE it, we should SHARE it. Our faith is incomplete until we do this. I see it like I do with teaching trumpet lessons. Tonight I was teaching lip slurs to one of my students. A very basic technique that has always been present in my playing and was something I never thought too much about. Tonight my student asked me what the purpose of lips slurs was and why she should do them every day. I never completely KNEW lip slurs until that moment when I had to SHARE what I knew with someone else. This "completed" the process- years ago, I learned how to do a lip slur. I did them on my own, not really understanding why except that I was told to. Tonight, I shared what I knew- I quit STUDYING the subject and instead LIVED the subject.
That is what we should do with our faith. As my Pastor said tonight, "Faith is personal, but faith is NOT private." So go out there and open up your entire self to faith, and then go live it and share it in any way you can!
Today's list and then expanding on some:
-Faith is personal, but never private.
-Where have you seen God today?
-Being 100$ sure in your faith.
Tonight in bible study, we looked at Colossians 2:6-10. One of the things we talked about was "School's out! Quit studying the subject and start living it!" (Col. 2:7, The Message). So what does it mean to START LIVING it?
The way I see it, faith is a two way street. You can go to Church every Sunday or pull the Bible out every night and get nothing from it if you do not PREPARE yourself. This is not preparing in the sense that you make sure your cell phone is off or you have that glass of water by the bed before you start reading... this is prepare in the sense that you pray that God enters your life and speaks to you, with you, and through you.
I have sat in many worship services in the past and "got nothing" out of it. A lot of these services I went into expecting everything, but I never said "Here I am God and I am ready for you." Other services I went into with the idea that I already didn't agree and wouldn't enjoy it. Surprise, surprise... I got nothing.
As my Pastor said tonight- it isn't the Pastor's fault, or the choir's, or the liturgist's, or even God's fault that you get nothing out of a service. It your fault alone. If you do not open yourself up to the experience there is no way to receive anything. It is also important to realize that you won't necessarily find it in the sermon. It may be in the anthem, or the scripture, or even in the person sitting next to you (this is probably the most powerful and most common for me).
So what do you do when you have witnessed and received God's love in this way? YOU SHARE IT! That is what faith is about for me. FEELING, RECEIVING, and SHARING. This what I think is meant when Peterson translated Col. 2:7 as "School is out! Quit studying the subject and live it!". We have gone to church, we have studied the Bible, now it is time to go out into the world and LIVE, RECOGNIZE, and SHARE it.
Faith is a two way street. Once we RECEIVE it, we should SHARE it. Our faith is incomplete until we do this. I see it like I do with teaching trumpet lessons. Tonight I was teaching lip slurs to one of my students. A very basic technique that has always been present in my playing and was something I never thought too much about. Tonight my student asked me what the purpose of lips slurs was and why she should do them every day. I never completely KNEW lip slurs until that moment when I had to SHARE what I knew with someone else. This "completed" the process- years ago, I learned how to do a lip slur. I did them on my own, not really understanding why except that I was told to. Tonight, I shared what I knew- I quit STUDYING the subject and instead LIVED the subject.
That is what we should do with our faith. As my Pastor said tonight, "Faith is personal, but faith is NOT private." So go out there and open up your entire self to faith, and then go live it and share it in any way you can!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Do this in rememberance of me...
This morning I got involved in a fairly common discussion (for me). Communion.
I never really put any thought into the subject when I was younger. I grew up in the Disciples of Christ church where communion is taken every Sunday. Yes, it does get slightly redundant, but it is also an important centering point of the service each week. When I joined the Presbyterian church, I only had communion once a quarter or month. This made me really start thinking about it in a new way.
When I was younger and going to church camp every summer, we closed out every week with a special service by the water and took communion. Usually, we used the common elements- bread and wine (juice). However there were times that we used cheese puffs and hot cocoa or diet coke, doritos, grahm crackers... whatever we had. Thinking back on it, these were the more meaningful services for me.
The discussion this morning was about what elements are used and where communion can take place. This may be part of my Disciples upbringing (I have already heard from many in the Presbyterian church that don't agree), but I look at this as a way to come together in Christ's name anytime, anywhere, with anything. It does not have to take place during a worship service, and while I do understand the reasoning behind the Presbyterian way of only having Elders oversee communion, I think this does slightly defeat the purpose.
"Whenever two or more are gathered in my name." It does not say whenever an elder and two others are gathered in my name. Simply, and quite plainly, two or more. I think it is important that EVERYONE feel that they can take part in communion at anytime, even if an elder is not present. I have done a "Love Feast" before (communion minus the elder) and it was incredibly meaningful, but there is something about the actuality of Communion that puts me at ease.
We are also not instructed that we MUST use bread and wine. If so we would use wine in church rather than grape juice. Even further beyond that, bread and wine was used at the last supper simply because that was what was available at the time. Some say that they use them because they symbolize the body and blood of Christ, which is true, but anything can symbolize that. As I asked my friend this morning, why does it have to be grape juice/ wine? They answered because it looks like blood and it is what was used. SO... what if it was WHITE grape juice or wine? It no longer looks like blood. Does that change it?
Communion is not about making sure all of the right people are there and that you have the right elements. It is about being with our brothers and sisters in Christ and using what is available to "do in rememberance" of Christ. This means it can happen in church, around the dinner table, or even around a camp fire by the water with a bunch of middle school youth and no Elders.
Like I said... blame my Disciples of Christ upbringing :) (The Presbyterian Church will love having me around... lol)
I never really put any thought into the subject when I was younger. I grew up in the Disciples of Christ church where communion is taken every Sunday. Yes, it does get slightly redundant, but it is also an important centering point of the service each week. When I joined the Presbyterian church, I only had communion once a quarter or month. This made me really start thinking about it in a new way.
When I was younger and going to church camp every summer, we closed out every week with a special service by the water and took communion. Usually, we used the common elements- bread and wine (juice). However there were times that we used cheese puffs and hot cocoa or diet coke, doritos, grahm crackers... whatever we had. Thinking back on it, these were the more meaningful services for me.
The discussion this morning was about what elements are used and where communion can take place. This may be part of my Disciples upbringing (I have already heard from many in the Presbyterian church that don't agree), but I look at this as a way to come together in Christ's name anytime, anywhere, with anything. It does not have to take place during a worship service, and while I do understand the reasoning behind the Presbyterian way of only having Elders oversee communion, I think this does slightly defeat the purpose.
"Whenever two or more are gathered in my name." It does not say whenever an elder and two others are gathered in my name. Simply, and quite plainly, two or more. I think it is important that EVERYONE feel that they can take part in communion at anytime, even if an elder is not present. I have done a "Love Feast" before (communion minus the elder) and it was incredibly meaningful, but there is something about the actuality of Communion that puts me at ease.
We are also not instructed that we MUST use bread and wine. If so we would use wine in church rather than grape juice. Even further beyond that, bread and wine was used at the last supper simply because that was what was available at the time. Some say that they use them because they symbolize the body and blood of Christ, which is true, but anything can symbolize that. As I asked my friend this morning, why does it have to be grape juice/ wine? They answered because it looks like blood and it is what was used. SO... what if it was WHITE grape juice or wine? It no longer looks like blood. Does that change it?
Communion is not about making sure all of the right people are there and that you have the right elements. It is about being with our brothers and sisters in Christ and using what is available to "do in rememberance" of Christ. This means it can happen in church, around the dinner table, or even around a camp fire by the water with a bunch of middle school youth and no Elders.
Like I said... blame my Disciples of Christ upbringing :) (The Presbyterian Church will love having me around... lol)
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Why not simply GIVE?
Every year, 40 days before Easter, people give up something that is important to them. For 40 days, we go without this to recognize the suffering that Jesus Christ went through in the last days leading to his crucifixion. The idea is that our suffering will ground us during the Lenten period.
Growing up, I always saw this as a game. How long could I go without chocolate or soda? Could I go longer than my sisters or friends? I feel like that is what the idea has become for so many people- that and a great way to lose weight (how much weight can you lose by taking chocolate or fried foods out of your diet for 40 days?).
So here is my question- why must we always GIVE UP something? Why not simply GIVE? Imagine the good that would come if we all gave part of ourselves, in the name of Jesus Christ? What a concept- Jesus' suffering providing a source of hope for the world!
What if we started simple and gave a gift to the church program of our choice each week rather than spending that money at the movies or bar on Saturday night? Five weeks of $10 gifts to the outreach committee would work wonders in someone's life who really needs it. Let's take it a step further. For five weeks, we wake up an hour or so earlier on Saturday and volunteer at a local food pantry or with Habitat for Humanity. Maybe you can take some time out of your busy week to visit some of the church shut-ins or the older lady down the street.
There are so many opportunities available to us the second we walk out the door. Why not take this opportunity to give OURSELVES rather than GIVE UP something. Why not put others first, just as Jesus did when he died on the cross, rather than looking for a new diet? Even better, what if we did it TOGETHER as part of the BODY OF CHRIST?
Yes, Jesus suffered on the cross and it is important to recognize that, but why not help those around us that are suffering (and in turn help Jesus who suffered for US), rather than helping ourselves?
Growing up, I always saw this as a game. How long could I go without chocolate or soda? Could I go longer than my sisters or friends? I feel like that is what the idea has become for so many people- that and a great way to lose weight (how much weight can you lose by taking chocolate or fried foods out of your diet for 40 days?).
So here is my question- why must we always GIVE UP something? Why not simply GIVE? Imagine the good that would come if we all gave part of ourselves, in the name of Jesus Christ? What a concept- Jesus' suffering providing a source of hope for the world!
What if we started simple and gave a gift to the church program of our choice each week rather than spending that money at the movies or bar on Saturday night? Five weeks of $10 gifts to the outreach committee would work wonders in someone's life who really needs it. Let's take it a step further. For five weeks, we wake up an hour or so earlier on Saturday and volunteer at a local food pantry or with Habitat for Humanity. Maybe you can take some time out of your busy week to visit some of the church shut-ins or the older lady down the street.
There are so many opportunities available to us the second we walk out the door. Why not take this opportunity to give OURSELVES rather than GIVE UP something. Why not put others first, just as Jesus did when he died on the cross, rather than looking for a new diet? Even better, what if we did it TOGETHER as part of the BODY OF CHRIST?
Yes, Jesus suffered on the cross and it is important to recognize that, but why not help those around us that are suffering (and in turn help Jesus who suffered for US), rather than helping ourselves?
Monday, February 8, 2010
First thought of the night... I would love for Mozart to come back to life just so I can make sure he really dies. I am so tired of his music! I am sure he was great... but when I am studying 10 different Mozart symphonies at once (in 3 classes and doing full analyses of each), he isn't so great.
It has been a crazy long week. Great and terrible.
So last week I was running on this high of having basically no school because of the snow, having the chance to be snowed in with my friend and finally get some time with them, and a few discussions with big people at some potential schools for seminary.
I think the downfall started to happen when we started talking about friends at bible study last week. Granted, it was my idea, but I really didn't expect it to take the turn it did. I thought we would talk about our best friends and why we love them, not why we hate our ex-friends. That just brought up a lot of feelings I had pretty much let go about Ben. As much as I like to think it isn't true, I still hurt a lot in regards to that whole situation and that discussion just kinda threw it in my face.
I will say that as far as trumpet goes, it kinda made up for the friend discussion. I had a great run with Nancy, and an even better lesson with Dr. Bach on Friday. To top it all off, I got the extra burst of energy for trumpet when I got to see Mike again. The sad thing is I won't get to see him again until this summer... maybe.
The weekend was ok... thought too much. Came to some realizations that I had ignored for a while.
And then spent today on the phone trying to save myself from past mistakes.
Great day.
I guess it all just goes to show that we have no idea what is coming next. I have been thrown a lot of curve balls lately that I never expected. It also definitely proves that we have NO control over our lives... all of the control is in the hands of the guy upstairs. We just need to let go and enjoy the ride...
It has been a crazy long week. Great and terrible.
So last week I was running on this high of having basically no school because of the snow, having the chance to be snowed in with my friend and finally get some time with them, and a few discussions with big people at some potential schools for seminary.
I think the downfall started to happen when we started talking about friends at bible study last week. Granted, it was my idea, but I really didn't expect it to take the turn it did. I thought we would talk about our best friends and why we love them, not why we hate our ex-friends. That just brought up a lot of feelings I had pretty much let go about Ben. As much as I like to think it isn't true, I still hurt a lot in regards to that whole situation and that discussion just kinda threw it in my face.
I will say that as far as trumpet goes, it kinda made up for the friend discussion. I had a great run with Nancy, and an even better lesson with Dr. Bach on Friday. To top it all off, I got the extra burst of energy for trumpet when I got to see Mike again. The sad thing is I won't get to see him again until this summer... maybe.
The weekend was ok... thought too much. Came to some realizations that I had ignored for a while.
And then spent today on the phone trying to save myself from past mistakes.
Great day.
I guess it all just goes to show that we have no idea what is coming next. I have been thrown a lot of curve balls lately that I never expected. It also definitely proves that we have NO control over our lives... all of the control is in the hands of the guy upstairs. We just need to let go and enjoy the ride...
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