I am worried about my friend. What I really hate is that all I want is for him to be happy right now, but I cannot come up with a solution. Go figure I am the one who would give up absolutely anything for the ones that I love to be happy, so this is taking over my mind right now. Doesn't matter that I am finally pretty ridiculously happy. That just makes me hate the situation even more.

It is hard to be in a place where you aren't getting much from your job and you don't have anyone to go home to. I have to do it every day and I am miserable. The thing is, I am 21 and have huge plans for the future. I am not necessarily ready to have someone waiting for me when I get home (as much as I do love the idea). But they are more than at the point when they should be able to have that. I can't lie on this one, part of me hurts because at one point I wanted to be that for him. Then I realized I am not anywhere close to what he needs, as much as I wish I were. Really, I don't know that a girl exists that deserves to be with him... every girl would have at least one or two things wrong with them. He deserves the most perfect girl in the world. I hate that, because I can't do anything to help with it.

I spend a lot of my time thinking about it. Trying to find some solution. Maybe it is because I am still young and don't have much experience. Maybe it is because I have the whole "past interest" thing blocking me. I just wish I could do something to help him. He does a great job at laughing it all off and putting on a show, but I know that he is hurting and I know there is nothing that I can do. All I can do is try to be there as the "little sister" when/ if he wants to talk about it. I just feel like that isn't enough.

You can only throw yourself into your hobbies for so long before they no longer provide the escape that they once did... I know this. We need that personal relationship with another person.

*sigh*