In New Testament this week, we have been talking about Matthew 14: 22-33. This is the part of scripture that talks about the disciples being sent out to sea by Jesus, having a really rough night due to the storm, and then Jesus coming and by Peter’s request, commanding Peter to walk on water. Peter begins to walk on water, but sinks when he looks around and notices the strong winds. Jesus immediately reaches out to him, grabs him, and takes him back to the boat asking why he doubted. At this point, all the people on the boat take notice and recognize Jesus as the Son of God.
Today in section, we began talking about exegesis which is basically when you really break it all down at different levels and see what is really being said. One of the things you are supposed to look at when you initially read the scripture is who do you identify with? Well, I am now about to close out my first week of actual classes of seminary, I have previously mentioned that I feel that my call has changed (or rather my understanding of my call has changed), and the whole personal life is just a bit insane with all of the changes of adding in new people and new dynamics with both new and old. I look at everything that has gone on the last few weeks and today and I feel like I identify with different characters in the story, at different levels.
First, Jesus dismisses the disciples in a kind of no questions asked way. He has just fed thousands of people and is tired. What seminarian ISN’T tired at the end of the day??? We exegete, read, write, study, pray, and at UPSEM, we play Frisbee or football all day. I completely understand the whole wanting peace and quiet so that he can gather his thoughts and get ready for the next day. Actually, that is what I am doing right now… Everyone is upstairs and I realized it was time that I pull away and have some much needed me time… at least for a few minutes (so of course the first thing I did was sit down and pull of Word so that I could write a blog….).
Then there is Peter, the one is probably really ticked off with Jesus and doesn’t have much patience for him (just my guess). I mean, here Jesus has sent them away for one of, if not the first time that he is seperate from the disciples, and he doesn’t just send them away… he sends them into a ridiculous storm in the middle of the night. Then, once fourth watch (or morning) comes around, here he comes walking across the water (he couldn’t be human and swim? Really???) and Peter thinks “hey, you really did us in last night, let’s see that you are who you say you are”. The interesting thing here isn’t that Peter is “testing” Jesus by saying “IF you are JC”, but in the proper Greek translation, he says “SINCE you are JC”. So really, Peter knows exactly who he is, but really he is just tired and annoyed after spending all night fighting a storm, so he tells Jesus to command him to walk on water. Of course, he does, but when he looks around and sees the trials, he begins to sink. Yea. I know how you feel Peter. Here I am in a whole new situation, taking on a thousand new things and none of them are anything I really know how to do. Exegete? What? The closest thing I know is just speaking my mind (which it turns out is pretty close to what I am supposed to do… who knew??). Question everything I believe in? Reach out, waaaayyyy beyond my limits, taking on new tasks, new temptations, new trials and all encompassing at that… because, NEWSFLASH, seminary aint just about reading the Bible people. We have the same mess going on here that goes on at every school, so don’t think that we are any more well behaved or separated from all of it. What do you think I am escaping from right now?? I have taken on this call… one that terrified but excited me from the beginning. I came here, leaving a life behind but starting a new one. Now, I am in class, in new social situations, new jobs, new expectations and I won’t lie… I sink. I have tonight. I probably will in the next 24 hours. But here is the thing, the scripture says Jesus IMMEDIATELY reached his hand and grabbed Peter. Yes, Peter was terrified and thought that was probably the end, but Jesus still reached out and saved him. The funny thing about this is that I hadn’t even been down in my room for five minutes before I felt that hand reach out to me and pull me back above water, through a friend that honestly I didn’t expect, even as much as I love her.
Then there are the disciples, staying on the boat and watching. Honestly, I think they are probably waiting for it to get good so they can jump in. They recognize that they are scared and stay back for that reason. Is that bad? I don’t think so. I kinda think it is smart in a way. Who would want to take on something like walking on water… really?? Peter has lost his mind. I identify there as well, and it’s funny because I didn’t earlier. The whole wait it out, join in when it is safe… we all do it, and I really don’t think Jesus is hurt by it. Yes, he asks Peter (and I’m sure it was rhetorical for all disciples) why he doubted him. However, as we talked about today, we don’t know if he was angry, sympathetic, non-chalant… I tend to think that he was almost sympathetic and the “mother” type in this situation. Why did you doubt that he would take care of you? He loves you!! UNCONDITIONALLY!!!
So, here I sit, at my desk very tired, both emotionally and physically for a thousand different reasons. I have had my moments this week where I was ready to jump out and walk on water, I have also sunk, and I have also left everyone in need of a break for me. Is it bad? Absolutely not! I may even think that some of my reasoning is flawed and I shouldn’t feel the way I do about some things, but as my friend so kindly reminded me a few minutes ago, IT IS OK. When Jesus said, “Oh you of little faith, why do you doubt me?” I don’t think he was judging. I think he was reaching out a hand and reassuring Peter that even though he did doubt the one time, JC is still and will always be there. I can sit here upset and/ or excited about a thousand things right now, and I can’t help but look down at the ring I have mentioned before. “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.” This goes so well with this scripture. Jesus wouldn’t have commanded Peter to walk on water if he didn’t KNOW that Peter could do it, and that if he failed, he himself (JC) could catch him. I wouldn’t have been sent here, to these thousand challenges, if I couldn’t lean on God when I needed to. I will come through this, and every other challenge. I will always recognize at the end that Jesus is the Son of God, even if I might have a few not-so-nice words to say to him along the way. I’m sure Peter didn’t just think “oh well” when he started to sink…
So, coming from someone who should 1) be studying or 2) be taking a break and enjoying time with friends rather than writing a blog, it is ok to take time away for yourself when you feel overwhelmed, it is ok to sink, and it is also ok to stay on the boat and wait it out. I have spent so much time doing all three lately, and no matter how things end, Jesus is always there to grab you IMMEDIATELY… and who knows, that might be when you realize you really do have a friend in someone you hoped for but didn’t expect.
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