I know this is way overdue, but I think I am finally recovered enough that I maybe won’t get emotional writing it (not to mention if I don’t start now, it won’t happen since spring semester starts in 2 hours for me!).
Ghana was such an incredible experience- by far the most influential trip I have ever been on. Our group was made up of 7 current students, 1 alum, and two professors. We met a few times before leaving to discuss some readings about the culture and history of Ghana and the Presbyterian churches there, and then left for Ghana on January 8. I barely know where to start or how to get it all on here, so I will hopefully be able to do this in a series of blogs focusing on different aspects of the trip ranging from what we did, the lectures we attended, and finally how it impacted my understanding of my call.
So, the easy post! We arrived in Accra (the business capital and capital city) and stayed there for about five days. We were hosted by Trinity Theological Seminary, an interdenominational seminary with about 600 students. This is where we attended most of lectures, either on campus or going to other locations. We also got to do a few touristy things as well like visiting a wildlife preserve where we saw ostriches, baboons, and antelope and got to go on a wonderful hike to the top of the Shai hills (not too high, but incredibly beautiful!). A few days later we visited the rain forest and walked across seven rope bridges that hung over the canopy. Unfortunately we didn’t get to see any animals but the view was absolutely incredible. Later that day we visited the Elmina Slave Castle which was run by the Dutch and served as the main holding place for Ghanaians being sold into slavery. This was an incredibly moving experience as we walked through the cells where slaves were held and then stood in the final room, looking out at the coast where the ships would have been stationed, singing “Amazing Grace”. As I said in our debriefing that night, it was everything we have studied in school and so much more- something I have never wanted to see, but always wanted to see.
After our time in Accra, we drove a few hours north to Kumasi where we stayed at a Presbyterian Church of Ghana (PCG) hostel. Kumasi is the cultural capital of Ghana so we took advantage of that and visited the chief’s palace, kente cloth village, wood carving village, and lake. I think the lake was probably the highlight of the tourist visits in Kumasi (at least for me) because while we were there, there was a group of dancers performing traditional dance with traditional drumming- the best of both worlds for me after having studied both African dance and music. After they finished, the kids bombarded us and pulled us out into the circle and we danced with them for a while, drawing a very large and very loud crowd. While in Kumasi, we also split up to go to church, covering 5 churches total. This was definitely an interesting as experience as I saw most of my preconceived ideas wiped away- I don’t care what country you are in, Presbyterians are Presbyterians and we are all “the frozen chosen”. Yes, there was dancing and praise music as the beginning of service and maybe 2 more times after the sermon, but it definitely wasn’t what I expected. Ben and I walked in during the praise music and were seated at the very front next to the minister (I guess we have to get used to being there so why not?). The congregation then split up for bible study for about 45 minutes (very much like Sunday school but all took place in the sanctuary during the worship hour). After bible study they returned for scripture reading, a 20 minute sermon (much shorter than I expected), and about 40 minutes of announcements. Ben and I were introduced following the announcements and then a praise/ welcome song while we danced down at the front with the elders (I think that’s who they were).
After Kumasi, we went east to Ho where we were hosted by the Evangelical Presbyterian Church at their headquarters. Most of our time here was spent visiting missions that the church sponsors throughout the community- a school for teenage/ unwed mothers, health clinics, aging clinics, schools, and programs for homeless “street children”. This is where everything I kept pushing with Summer In The City really came into light as we saw them focusing on things at home, something that I see as key no matter where you live. After a couple days of visiting missions, we took one day to be tourist and visited a monkey sanctuary where we got to feed the monkeys as they climbed all over us- a very unreal experience. After the monkeys, we visited Wli Waterfalls. After a 45 min hike to the falls Ben, Ginna, and I were in the water about two minutes after seeing them. We had a picnic lunch by the water and just enjoyed each others company and talking to our Ghanaian host (this is when I learned that I will never be a proper wife unless I can learn how to make rice successfully… they were very disappointed when I told them that rice is the single thing I really cannot make).
Finally, we went back south to Accra for a few more lectures and meetings with church leaders, a visit to the church on the seminary campus as well as a Pentecostal church (that experience will come later…), and a drive around the city.
Leaving Ghana was not as hard as I expected it to be, and I attribute that to the fact that I am getting used to falling in love with places and then having to leave, but I always have plans to return. The people we met were absolutely incredible and I miss them dearly but and looking forward to hosting one of them here in Richmond this summer. Really, the only complaint I had about the trip was that I had trouble eating the fish (very boney and it looked at you while you ate it) and just got really tired of red sauce. I think after being there for two weeks and never having personal time (our bathroom doors didn’t even shut right so I don’t know that I can even count that as personal time), I’ll take a few complaints about food! And hey, I lost 8 pounds (I wont tell you how many I gained back already…).
Monday, January 30, 2012
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
What have I learned?
For my 100th post, I decided to sit down and think about what I have learned since I started this blog two years ago. And this is what it boils down to: Life goes on one way or another. There will always be good and there will always be bad. Jumping to conclusions won't make it any better. Rushing things will only frustrate you more. You don't have to have the answer right now so just take a deep breath, look around and take in everything around you, and thank God that you have that.
I say this from experience and with all the love in the world. We are all trying to figure things out. Maybe it is the answer to an exam question. Or what to do over break. Maybe we are trying to figure out how to make the next mortgage payment or keep the electricity on. Some of us might have feelings for someone and not know how to say it. Others might be trying to tell someone that they don’t have feelings anymore. Some are asking how to pack for a two week trip in carry on luggage. Some are wondering how they are going to get through Ords.
We are all in discernment of some kind. Personally? I am trying to discern my call to ministry. I am trying to figure out how best to approach certain people about a variety of things, both good and bad, and all can lead to excitement and relief or a night of tears. I am trying to figure out scholarships. There is too much to keep listing here. However, I have learned that nothing is made better when I assume I know what was meant by the lack of text messages or the wording of the last one, stressing about a paper already turned in, thinking that I can’t do something because someone doesn’t approve… all of that only brings me down. The responses that I have when I jump to all of the assumptions and conclusions might not be best for me. I may end up hurting someone. I need to just wait for the appropriate time, even if that time is months from now. Not necessarily a fun thing when I have already been holding it in for five months.
But you know what? When I look around I see how far I have come. Three years ago, I was completely focused on music and teaching. Two years ago, I had a stack of seminary applications on my coffee table as I debated throwing them in the trash every night and asked Santa if he could help me out with that for Christmas. One year ago, it was scholarship applications and I asked Santa for some money for school. Now, I am here and Santa asked me if I was enjoying it. It has been a long road. There has been a lot of waiting. There were times that I wasn’t sure if I could do it, but the waiting paid off. Now, I look around me and see all of the incredible ways the work paid off- the sunsets I mentioned a few posts ago, the studies, the experiences, and the most incredible friends in the world. So I told Santa that I was loving every second of it.
So yes, I may not know the words to tell my best friend. I may not know exactly what to write on this new stack of papers about my call. I don’t know how those exams are going to turn out. I only pretend to know how to pack for two weeks in Ghana in my carry on luggage. But I do know that this Christmas I have so much more than I could ever ask Santa for.
Santa didn’t just make things happen for me. He asked me what I needed to do to achieve it and if I was doing that (I miss the days as a kid when he didn’t ask such weighty questions!), just like God doesn’t hand things to you but instead gives you the tools you need and promises to stand by you. So as we finally relax and begin to enjoy Christmas and begin to think about the new year, remember to look around and be thankful for all you have been given already and don’t worry so much about the rest. It will all come in time in the way that GOD intends.
I want to leave y’all with two quotes tonight. The first is on a poster hanging in our basement at home… “Lord, grant me patience… but please hurry!”. And from my Grandmother… “God answers all prayers. Sometimes he says yes. Sometimes he says no. And sometimes he says you’ve got to be kidding!”
Merry Christmas, y’all!!
(And yes… I really did have those conversations with Santa. Funny how serious he gets with you when he knows you and your parents!)
I say this from experience and with all the love in the world. We are all trying to figure things out. Maybe it is the answer to an exam question. Or what to do over break. Maybe we are trying to figure out how to make the next mortgage payment or keep the electricity on. Some of us might have feelings for someone and not know how to say it. Others might be trying to tell someone that they don’t have feelings anymore. Some are asking how to pack for a two week trip in carry on luggage. Some are wondering how they are going to get through Ords.
We are all in discernment of some kind. Personally? I am trying to discern my call to ministry. I am trying to figure out how best to approach certain people about a variety of things, both good and bad, and all can lead to excitement and relief or a night of tears. I am trying to figure out scholarships. There is too much to keep listing here. However, I have learned that nothing is made better when I assume I know what was meant by the lack of text messages or the wording of the last one, stressing about a paper already turned in, thinking that I can’t do something because someone doesn’t approve… all of that only brings me down. The responses that I have when I jump to all of the assumptions and conclusions might not be best for me. I may end up hurting someone. I need to just wait for the appropriate time, even if that time is months from now. Not necessarily a fun thing when I have already been holding it in for five months.
But you know what? When I look around I see how far I have come. Three years ago, I was completely focused on music and teaching. Two years ago, I had a stack of seminary applications on my coffee table as I debated throwing them in the trash every night and asked Santa if he could help me out with that for Christmas. One year ago, it was scholarship applications and I asked Santa for some money for school. Now, I am here and Santa asked me if I was enjoying it. It has been a long road. There has been a lot of waiting. There were times that I wasn’t sure if I could do it, but the waiting paid off. Now, I look around me and see all of the incredible ways the work paid off- the sunsets I mentioned a few posts ago, the studies, the experiences, and the most incredible friends in the world. So I told Santa that I was loving every second of it.
So yes, I may not know the words to tell my best friend. I may not know exactly what to write on this new stack of papers about my call. I don’t know how those exams are going to turn out. I only pretend to know how to pack for two weeks in Ghana in my carry on luggage. But I do know that this Christmas I have so much more than I could ever ask Santa for.
Santa didn’t just make things happen for me. He asked me what I needed to do to achieve it and if I was doing that (I miss the days as a kid when he didn’t ask such weighty questions!), just like God doesn’t hand things to you but instead gives you the tools you need and promises to stand by you. So as we finally relax and begin to enjoy Christmas and begin to think about the new year, remember to look around and be thankful for all you have been given already and don’t worry so much about the rest. It will all come in time in the way that GOD intends.
I want to leave y’all with two quotes tonight. The first is on a poster hanging in our basement at home… “Lord, grant me patience… but please hurry!”. And from my Grandmother… “God answers all prayers. Sometimes he says yes. Sometimes he says no. And sometimes he says you’ve got to be kidding!”
Merry Christmas, y’all!!
(And yes… I really did have those conversations with Santa. Funny how serious he gets with you when he knows you and your parents!)
Worship
Every few weeks I write an update for my church's newsletter. Rather than pushing myself to write something else right now I figured I'd share last month's update... enjoy.
So, rather than giving you a play by play of the semester, I wanted to tell y’all about one of the most influential parts of my experience here at UPSem- worship.
This may sound slightly cliché as this is a Seminary, so worship is to be expected. However, I never expected and have never experienced worship like what occurs here on a daily basis. Every class is opened in prayer, most close with a benediction, and the discussions and lectures that happen between are a whole new kind of worship that I would never expect in a classroom. Beyond that, we are blessed enough to have two additional worship services each week.
Every Wednesday, the UPSem community gathers together in one of our two chapels (the more traditional Watts Chapel, and the more contemporary Lake Chapel) for the main worship service of the week. This service follows the same form as what you might experience each Sunday with hymns, choir anthems, liturgy, a sermon, communion… straight out of the Book of Common Worship. The incredible thing about this is the student participation in all aspects, as well as the changing “theme” as we reach out to all in the community. Just last week we had a Korean service in honor of the Korean elders that were meeting on campus, and the week before we had a technology based service where we tweeted our confessions. It truly is an incredible experience.
On Thursday, we gather together in one of the two chapels for a brief service of music and prayer. These are led by students in the community each week and serve as a nice “re-focusing” point as we get closer to the weekend. I was lucky enough to be able to lead an Iona service a few weeks ago, the first worship service that I have ever led. It was a wonderful gift to be able to look back on my trip to Iona in 2010 and use it in my ministry now.
All of this being said, I have realize now more than ever just how important worship is to our life. In college, I attended church every Sunday and occasionally a bible study during the week. During the rest of the week, it was all too easy to push continuous worship to the back of my mind. Now, everything I do is centered around worshiping God and it has changed my tremendously. I can only pray that each and every one of you will one day experience the power of continuous worship. There are times that I do get distracted, but I am blessed to be in a community that won’t let you stay distracted for long. Even sitting here at my desk, I can’t help but worship God as I look out the window at the rest of campus.
So, rather than giving you a play by play of the semester, I wanted to tell y’all about one of the most influential parts of my experience here at UPSem- worship.
This may sound slightly cliché as this is a Seminary, so worship is to be expected. However, I never expected and have never experienced worship like what occurs here on a daily basis. Every class is opened in prayer, most close with a benediction, and the discussions and lectures that happen between are a whole new kind of worship that I would never expect in a classroom. Beyond that, we are blessed enough to have two additional worship services each week.
Every Wednesday, the UPSem community gathers together in one of our two chapels (the more traditional Watts Chapel, and the more contemporary Lake Chapel) for the main worship service of the week. This service follows the same form as what you might experience each Sunday with hymns, choir anthems, liturgy, a sermon, communion… straight out of the Book of Common Worship. The incredible thing about this is the student participation in all aspects, as well as the changing “theme” as we reach out to all in the community. Just last week we had a Korean service in honor of the Korean elders that were meeting on campus, and the week before we had a technology based service where we tweeted our confessions. It truly is an incredible experience.
On Thursday, we gather together in one of the two chapels for a brief service of music and prayer. These are led by students in the community each week and serve as a nice “re-focusing” point as we get closer to the weekend. I was lucky enough to be able to lead an Iona service a few weeks ago, the first worship service that I have ever led. It was a wonderful gift to be able to look back on my trip to Iona in 2010 and use it in my ministry now.
All of this being said, I have realize now more than ever just how important worship is to our life. In college, I attended church every Sunday and occasionally a bible study during the week. During the rest of the week, it was all too easy to push continuous worship to the back of my mind. Now, everything I do is centered around worshiping God and it has changed my tremendously. I can only pray that each and every one of you will one day experience the power of continuous worship. There are times that I do get distracted, but I am blessed to be in a community that won’t let you stay distracted for long. Even sitting here at my desk, I can’t help but worship God as I look out the window at the rest of campus.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Chasing Sunsets
All my life, I have always been looking for the perfect sunrise/ sunset. There is something absolutely incredible about seeing all those colors in the sky at once. No matter what has been going on that day, what is stressing you out at the moment, or what you really should be doing instead… it can all be wiped away for just a few minutes. I don’t know when my obsession started, but I do remember being upset when I missed a good one or if I did see a good sunset, I would call anyone I could and tell them to go look. The only sad thing was that I saw them maybe once a month if I was really lucky.
Ever since I got to Union, the only reason I have missed a sunset was if I was in a meeting when it happened. Every night, I can turn my chair around to glance at the tv and always end up staring out my window watching the colors appear and then slowly disappear right behind the tower on Early Center. This scene is especially beautiful now that the leaves are off the trees and I have a better view. A lot of times, I will grab my camera and run downstairs to “chase the sunset” and get pictures. The mix of the trees, gorgeous buildings, and gorgeous sunset makes for an incredible picture.
To top off my daily sunsets, now that the leaves are gone, the sun comes into my window a little more than usual every morning. Most of the time I let a few curse words slip and groan and pull the shades just before rolling over with a pillow over my head until my alarm will no longer snooze because I hit it too many times. However, the other day, I was reaching for the blinds when I actually looked out the window instead of complaining. Just behind the trees and library, I saw the most incredible sunrise. Usually I only see the sun rise when I am up way too early and driving to Wilson to be with my sister, so this was a special treat. I wanted to grab my camera but it looked too cold to run outside in my pj’s, so I just laid there and enjoyed it for a few minutes before hopping out of bed 20 minutes before my alarm went off for the first time.
Right now, I am finishing up 12 long weeks of classes. I have over 100 pages to read by Friday, another 100 by next Tuesday, an exam due next Tuesday, and another due next Friday. I have to get new presents to replace some that were messed up. There is packing, cleaning, babysitting, teaching… basically too much for two weeks. Tomorrow I will be a reader in chapel for the first time here, and I am only mildly freaking out about helping with the service at St. Paul’s (the church where I grew up) over break. But even with all of this going on, those few minutes each evening when I can sit and stare out my window, thanking God for such an incredible gift, serve as a reminder of why I am here.
Yes, I am incredibly busy. If you ask anyone on campus if they have a free minute they might break down in tears. But we are all here for a reason. I am called to do something kinda insane with my life, but incredible. I am blessed beyond belief to have the opportunity to follow through with it in such an incredible place, where I get those sunsets I have been chasing all my life, every night.
I find it funny that when I was home everyone’s comment was about how good I looked. I will be the first to say that I am looking the way that I did when I started here. I gained back some of the weight that I lost. I have a few more gray hairs (really). I am constantly tired. But my mom reminded me of the more important thing… I am truly happy.
I blame the sunsets.
Ever since I got to Union, the only reason I have missed a sunset was if I was in a meeting when it happened. Every night, I can turn my chair around to glance at the tv and always end up staring out my window watching the colors appear and then slowly disappear right behind the tower on Early Center. This scene is especially beautiful now that the leaves are off the trees and I have a better view. A lot of times, I will grab my camera and run downstairs to “chase the sunset” and get pictures. The mix of the trees, gorgeous buildings, and gorgeous sunset makes for an incredible picture.
To top off my daily sunsets, now that the leaves are gone, the sun comes into my window a little more than usual every morning. Most of the time I let a few curse words slip and groan and pull the shades just before rolling over with a pillow over my head until my alarm will no longer snooze because I hit it too many times. However, the other day, I was reaching for the blinds when I actually looked out the window instead of complaining. Just behind the trees and library, I saw the most incredible sunrise. Usually I only see the sun rise when I am up way too early and driving to Wilson to be with my sister, so this was a special treat. I wanted to grab my camera but it looked too cold to run outside in my pj’s, so I just laid there and enjoyed it for a few minutes before hopping out of bed 20 minutes before my alarm went off for the first time.
Right now, I am finishing up 12 long weeks of classes. I have over 100 pages to read by Friday, another 100 by next Tuesday, an exam due next Tuesday, and another due next Friday. I have to get new presents to replace some that were messed up. There is packing, cleaning, babysitting, teaching… basically too much for two weeks. Tomorrow I will be a reader in chapel for the first time here, and I am only mildly freaking out about helping with the service at St. Paul’s (the church where I grew up) over break. But even with all of this going on, those few minutes each evening when I can sit and stare out my window, thanking God for such an incredible gift, serve as a reminder of why I am here.
Yes, I am incredibly busy. If you ask anyone on campus if they have a free minute they might break down in tears. But we are all here for a reason. I am called to do something kinda insane with my life, but incredible. I am blessed beyond belief to have the opportunity to follow through with it in such an incredible place, where I get those sunsets I have been chasing all my life, every night.
I find it funny that when I was home everyone’s comment was about how good I looked. I will be the first to say that I am looking the way that I did when I started here. I gained back some of the weight that I lost. I have a few more gray hairs (really). I am constantly tired. But my mom reminded me of the more important thing… I am truly happy.
I blame the sunsets.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I think I got it...
Something I have really been wrestling with and discerning is my call to ministry, especially since it changed. I don't know what it was that hit me over the head tonight, but I think I might need some ice to make the swelling go away. I am so incredibly tired of planning everything out based off of what I think each person needs. I am tired of trying to make sure that everyone is happy and comfy, because quite frankly, religion and faith aint so comfy. I am not called to build up a huge congregation with 50 programs a week and a butt in every empty spot on Sunday morning. I am called to reach out and work beside other Christians in the development of their faith and love of God. I think the biggest problem facing today's church is that we are all so focused and bringing more people in and keeping the church from dieing, that we ignore the people that are already there. We create new programs to get the college students, but deny our older generations. We bring in Alpha and Disciple studies to reach out to the adults in the surrounding community, and forget that we have young children. What looks more appealing to a visitor anyway? A long list of programs led by half-hearted leaders who aren't sure they even believe what they are teaching or a group of strong, faithful people that know, live, and share Christ's love?
Something stands out to me about a conversation I had with an older lady as I filled out her monogramming order one day at work. We were talking about church (exactly what always happened when my customers found out I was going seminary- long lists of involvement, or why they weren't involved, and stories, and complaints...) and what I felt called to (at the time, family and youth). She said that she loved that I had such a passion for ministry and youth, but to please not forget the old ladies of the church. Her concern was genuine, and came from the fact that everyone was always so worried about their (already enormous) youth and young adult program, that the old ladies had been pushed to the side and were fending for themselves. The minister had assumed that they knew everything they needed to know and didn't need formal study and had moved all time and budget down a few generations. I hate that I passed this off when she said it, taking it as just another complaint about church and "they just don't understand", but it keeps coming back and hitting me between the eyes.
So, yes, I am still called to family ministry as I continue to think about it. I am called to minister to the family that is the body of Christ. Old, new, fat, skinny, rich, poor, retired, students, black, white, homosexual, heterosexual, Presbyterian, Baptist, Agnostic, Atheist. I am called to help light the fire in each person, because the surveys and plans and cheap come-ons mean nothing if there is no heart or faith behind it.
This weekend I helped a friend with a lock-in at a very small country church. Rather than leaving as soon as Sunday School started, we stayed for worship... something I dreaded beforehand knowing how tired I was, but really appreciated after. There is something I have noticed about these small churches out in the middle of nowhere (I have been to a few since I got here)... they are the ones that those of us in big cities with big churches would say were dieing. One building, tiny sanctuary that isn't filled, and you can count the youth on two hands most of the time. But they are also the most alive out of any church I have been to in the last few months. I have visited huge churches downtown, medium size neighborhood churches, dieing churches in the historic areas, and these tiny country churches. I have seen long lists of things they do throughout the week, I have watched two and three preachers rotate through the pulpit in one service. I have heard incredible organs and huge choirs, and I have heard out of tune pianos with even worse choirs. Where did I feel the most love, community, and most importantly, faith? The tiny, one pulpit, one preacher, out of tune piano and choir churches.
I had to laugh at myself this summer when I got of the car in a gravel parking lot and walked into a sanctuary where the most dressed up someone was, was a polo and jeans. What was I wearing? My black heels, black pencil skirt, purple knit top, hair neatly pulled back, and perfect makeup. The people in these churches know what is important- community and faith. I went to impress, thinking that my skirt and heels would win them over and they would be begging me to come back and eventually intern... they never once looked at that though. They looked me in the eye and heart, and welcomed me with more love than I have yet to receive at all of the other churches combined.
Now, this isn't me bashing big city churches because that is really where I have ended up. I just think that we can all learn something from these tiny churches who have put the focus on growing in faith and love and then building out through that faith and love, rather than building out so they can build in. I want to focus on the building in.
It has become all to apparent to me lately that I don't know my Bible content. I don't know polity. I really don't know much at all about this whole church thing. As embarrassed as I am about this, I have to say it to make a point- on Sunday, we were studying James in Sunday School. When I couldn't find it, I handed it to my friend saying I hadn't taken Old Testament yet so he could find it (jokingly)... he then turned to the back of the New Testament. I am in seminary and didn't know where James was. James... the brother of Jesus. Why? Because when I was growing up and at the age when I would actually retain what we were learning, the focus seemed to be on doing all the fun stuff... games, outings, retreats, lock-ins... anything and everything but really digging down deep and studying the Bible and what it meant to our faith. When I was really getting into that, the youth group fell apart after and we left the church. At my new church, the focus was using us to get more kids there and grow... not on building our faith and knowledge. So yes, I am 23 years old, in seminary, and don't know where to find certain books in the Bible. Crazy thing? There are probably 60 year olds out there that can't do it either.
SO... yes, I am called to family ministry in the sense that I am called to and plan to serve and minister to and grow with the entire church body. I am called to help all ages and all people study and learn of God's love for each and every one of us. Why should the minister be the only one in the church who can pass a Bible Content exam? Why should a minister be the only one to recognize their call? Why should they be the only one that can tell people of the marvelous things God is doing in their life? We are all ministers and called to do God's work in a multitude of ways. It is my call to help others learn, grow, and discern that call through God's grace, will, and love. That might be with youth for a while, or as a missionary, or in the pulpit, or out on the streets, or in a hospital, or college... who knows. All I know is I am called to serve and minister to ALL people with, through, and in God's love and grace.
Something stands out to me about a conversation I had with an older lady as I filled out her monogramming order one day at work. We were talking about church (exactly what always happened when my customers found out I was going seminary- long lists of involvement, or why they weren't involved, and stories, and complaints...) and what I felt called to (at the time, family and youth). She said that she loved that I had such a passion for ministry and youth, but to please not forget the old ladies of the church. Her concern was genuine, and came from the fact that everyone was always so worried about their (already enormous) youth and young adult program, that the old ladies had been pushed to the side and were fending for themselves. The minister had assumed that they knew everything they needed to know and didn't need formal study and had moved all time and budget down a few generations. I hate that I passed this off when she said it, taking it as just another complaint about church and "they just don't understand", but it keeps coming back and hitting me between the eyes.
So, yes, I am still called to family ministry as I continue to think about it. I am called to minister to the family that is the body of Christ. Old, new, fat, skinny, rich, poor, retired, students, black, white, homosexual, heterosexual, Presbyterian, Baptist, Agnostic, Atheist. I am called to help light the fire in each person, because the surveys and plans and cheap come-ons mean nothing if there is no heart or faith behind it.
This weekend I helped a friend with a lock-in at a very small country church. Rather than leaving as soon as Sunday School started, we stayed for worship... something I dreaded beforehand knowing how tired I was, but really appreciated after. There is something I have noticed about these small churches out in the middle of nowhere (I have been to a few since I got here)... they are the ones that those of us in big cities with big churches would say were dieing. One building, tiny sanctuary that isn't filled, and you can count the youth on two hands most of the time. But they are also the most alive out of any church I have been to in the last few months. I have visited huge churches downtown, medium size neighborhood churches, dieing churches in the historic areas, and these tiny country churches. I have seen long lists of things they do throughout the week, I have watched two and three preachers rotate through the pulpit in one service. I have heard incredible organs and huge choirs, and I have heard out of tune pianos with even worse choirs. Where did I feel the most love, community, and most importantly, faith? The tiny, one pulpit, one preacher, out of tune piano and choir churches.
I had to laugh at myself this summer when I got of the car in a gravel parking lot and walked into a sanctuary where the most dressed up someone was, was a polo and jeans. What was I wearing? My black heels, black pencil skirt, purple knit top, hair neatly pulled back, and perfect makeup. The people in these churches know what is important- community and faith. I went to impress, thinking that my skirt and heels would win them over and they would be begging me to come back and eventually intern... they never once looked at that though. They looked me in the eye and heart, and welcomed me with more love than I have yet to receive at all of the other churches combined.
Now, this isn't me bashing big city churches because that is really where I have ended up. I just think that we can all learn something from these tiny churches who have put the focus on growing in faith and love and then building out through that faith and love, rather than building out so they can build in. I want to focus on the building in.
It has become all to apparent to me lately that I don't know my Bible content. I don't know polity. I really don't know much at all about this whole church thing. As embarrassed as I am about this, I have to say it to make a point- on Sunday, we were studying James in Sunday School. When I couldn't find it, I handed it to my friend saying I hadn't taken Old Testament yet so he could find it (jokingly)... he then turned to the back of the New Testament. I am in seminary and didn't know where James was. James... the brother of Jesus. Why? Because when I was growing up and at the age when I would actually retain what we were learning, the focus seemed to be on doing all the fun stuff... games, outings, retreats, lock-ins... anything and everything but really digging down deep and studying the Bible and what it meant to our faith. When I was really getting into that, the youth group fell apart after and we left the church. At my new church, the focus was using us to get more kids there and grow... not on building our faith and knowledge. So yes, I am 23 years old, in seminary, and don't know where to find certain books in the Bible. Crazy thing? There are probably 60 year olds out there that can't do it either.
SO... yes, I am called to family ministry in the sense that I am called to and plan to serve and minister to and grow with the entire church body. I am called to help all ages and all people study and learn of God's love for each and every one of us. Why should the minister be the only one in the church who can pass a Bible Content exam? Why should a minister be the only one to recognize their call? Why should they be the only one that can tell people of the marvelous things God is doing in their life? We are all ministers and called to do God's work in a multitude of ways. It is my call to help others learn, grow, and discern that call through God's grace, will, and love. That might be with youth for a while, or as a missionary, or in the pulpit, or out on the streets, or in a hospital, or college... who knows. All I know is I am called to serve and minister to ALL people with, through, and in God's love and grace.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Quick procrastination update
I am reaching the end of my procrastination time very quickly and figured I would once again try to write something about what has been going on since it has been so long. Things have really picked up here and I feel like I have been holding on for dear life, however I finally got a chance to breathe this weekend.
I have now survived my first two midterms (other than Greek), my first exegesis paper, and started my pastoral care visits. A few weeks ago I led my first worship service (Iona themed, working with two other incredible people), did my first ministry interview (for Montreat supervised ministry, unfortunately I didn’t get it but I am cool with that), and have now applied to be part of the Ghana travel seminar in January (should hear in the next day or so). I am more sure about this call than I have ever been, and am very sure that I am called to Parish Ministry rather than Family like I had previously written about.
With everything going on with school and discernment, I also find it interesting how my view is slowly changing about what to do when I get out of here as far as parish ministry as I find myself finding other avenues to make Scotland happen again, but not necessarily going to live there for 3-5 years but rather studying in Edinburgh for a year. This is not at all close to being a decision, but rather a new avenue that I didn’t previously know about. However, if the opportunity were to come up and I was called to Scotland, I wouldn’t think twice about saying yes.
It’s funny how your views change once you are able to see things from a new angle. I knew this would happen, but I didn’t think it would be this quick or this extreme. This has already been such an incredible experience and I can’t wait to see what else happens. I now fully understand why I have to do a year of inquiry and why it is while I am in school. If I had my way this summer, I would have been able to say “well, I have been thinking about it for a few years and I am sure” but they were smart enough to make me do this and I couldn’t be more thankful. I have started my candidacy paperwork (in the sense that I downloaded it, looked at it, and freaked out), and see why my friends said to start now so I can get it to them by next summer. There is still a whole lot that I need to be thinking about and talking to others about. I am just glad that I seem to have a grasp on what is actually going on now (since no one really ever told me what to expect with any of this before I got here… except for Greek).
So, there is the quick update on my life here in seminary. My personal life is going well. Unfortunately I had to drop the brass group for a few months because I was over committed and quite frankly when that happens you drop the one that doesn’t pay lol. I have a great babysitting job. Teaching trumpet lessons to beginners (my all-time favorite age for lessons) at a local music store. Loving my friends more and more every day.
Yea, life is pretty good.
I have now survived my first two midterms (other than Greek), my first exegesis paper, and started my pastoral care visits. A few weeks ago I led my first worship service (Iona themed, working with two other incredible people), did my first ministry interview (for Montreat supervised ministry, unfortunately I didn’t get it but I am cool with that), and have now applied to be part of the Ghana travel seminar in January (should hear in the next day or so). I am more sure about this call than I have ever been, and am very sure that I am called to Parish Ministry rather than Family like I had previously written about.
With everything going on with school and discernment, I also find it interesting how my view is slowly changing about what to do when I get out of here as far as parish ministry as I find myself finding other avenues to make Scotland happen again, but not necessarily going to live there for 3-5 years but rather studying in Edinburgh for a year. This is not at all close to being a decision, but rather a new avenue that I didn’t previously know about. However, if the opportunity were to come up and I was called to Scotland, I wouldn’t think twice about saying yes.
It’s funny how your views change once you are able to see things from a new angle. I knew this would happen, but I didn’t think it would be this quick or this extreme. This has already been such an incredible experience and I can’t wait to see what else happens. I now fully understand why I have to do a year of inquiry and why it is while I am in school. If I had my way this summer, I would have been able to say “well, I have been thinking about it for a few years and I am sure” but they were smart enough to make me do this and I couldn’t be more thankful. I have started my candidacy paperwork (in the sense that I downloaded it, looked at it, and freaked out), and see why my friends said to start now so I can get it to them by next summer. There is still a whole lot that I need to be thinking about and talking to others about. I am just glad that I seem to have a grasp on what is actually going on now (since no one really ever told me what to expect with any of this before I got here… except for Greek).
So, there is the quick update on my life here in seminary. My personal life is going well. Unfortunately I had to drop the brass group for a few months because I was over committed and quite frankly when that happens you drop the one that doesn’t pay lol. I have a great babysitting job. Teaching trumpet lessons to beginners (my all-time favorite age for lessons) at a local music store. Loving my friends more and more every day.
Yea, life is pretty good.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Flashback
Tonight was like a flashback for me, and I loved it. I haven missed the excitement of pulling out my concert blacks, picking out just the right jewelry (nothing flashy, but it has to make the black look good... after all this is the rare occasion that the guys get to see me like this and I only get a small amount of enjoyment out of it), and just really glitzing it all up. The stress of going through music before you leave, once you get in the car, and then one more time before you leave the car and head to the hall, all just to make sure you didn’t lose something along the way. Sitting on stage and warming up while continually glancing out in the audience to see who is there, in general, but especially for you. Oh yea… and actually playing the concert! It’s been a year and half since I did that and I was sure that the last time I did, was really the last time. I am so glad it wasn’t.
Playing with RBC has been such a great thing for me since it is really the only playing I do now. It isn’t quite the level that I am used to after playing with the UNCG Wind Ensemble, but for what I am doing now, I’ll take it. Plus, very few things are as much fun as hanging out with a bunch of band directors and hearing their stories… the things that I used to dream about and kinda miss, but am glad I have left behind.
Even better is that my friends here seem to appreciate it and some even came out for the concert tonight. In undergrad, you expected your friends to be there. It was required more or less. Here, it isn’t required. Very few people seem to really pay attention to things like that. Not to mention this has been an insane week for all of us with exams and exegesis. But, nevertheless, a handful of them still came out into downtown Richmond where there is no parking, and sat through the entire thing for me. It feels really good knowing that they don’t mind taking a few hours out of their day to go support me. And really, that goes for all of us in all situations.
With all of the excitement though, I couldn’t help but note that as much as I loved being up there again, it wasn’t me anymore. That isn’t my life. I don’t sit in the hall recording for hours on end, very few rehearsals, even less practicing. Now, it is sitting in my room with commentaries, dictionaries, translations, and syllabi scattered all around me as I work on quizzes and exegetical papers. It’s no longer V6 chords, it’s Greek participles. I’m not writing about William Byrd’s anthems, I am writing about the trinitarian controversy. And it couldn’t be more right.
Tonight was only the third time in all of my playing history that my parents were not at my concert. When you total them up to more than 100, that says something. It hurt a little, but seeing my friends out there and having them serve as a reminder of my new life meant so much. I’m looking forward to the next time I can pull out the concert blacks and simple but elegant jewelry, making sure it matches the trumpet, so that I can go and not so elegantly blare on the low notes. But for now, I am going to enjoy and focus on the exegesis and trinity…
Playing with RBC has been such a great thing for me since it is really the only playing I do now. It isn’t quite the level that I am used to after playing with the UNCG Wind Ensemble, but for what I am doing now, I’ll take it. Plus, very few things are as much fun as hanging out with a bunch of band directors and hearing their stories… the things that I used to dream about and kinda miss, but am glad I have left behind.
Even better is that my friends here seem to appreciate it and some even came out for the concert tonight. In undergrad, you expected your friends to be there. It was required more or less. Here, it isn’t required. Very few people seem to really pay attention to things like that. Not to mention this has been an insane week for all of us with exams and exegesis. But, nevertheless, a handful of them still came out into downtown Richmond where there is no parking, and sat through the entire thing for me. It feels really good knowing that they don’t mind taking a few hours out of their day to go support me. And really, that goes for all of us in all situations.
With all of the excitement though, I couldn’t help but note that as much as I loved being up there again, it wasn’t me anymore. That isn’t my life. I don’t sit in the hall recording for hours on end, very few rehearsals, even less practicing. Now, it is sitting in my room with commentaries, dictionaries, translations, and syllabi scattered all around me as I work on quizzes and exegetical papers. It’s no longer V6 chords, it’s Greek participles. I’m not writing about William Byrd’s anthems, I am writing about the trinitarian controversy. And it couldn’t be more right.
Tonight was only the third time in all of my playing history that my parents were not at my concert. When you total them up to more than 100, that says something. It hurt a little, but seeing my friends out there and having them serve as a reminder of my new life meant so much. I’m looking forward to the next time I can pull out the concert blacks and simple but elegant jewelry, making sure it matches the trumpet, so that I can go and not so elegantly blare on the low notes. But for now, I am going to enjoy and focus on the exegesis and trinity…
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