I have been trying to come up with something to write about for over a week now. I figure it gets boring always hearing “life is great”, “Greek is Greek”… because really, as much as I would like to think that these next three years are going to be perfect and without their challenges (after all, I am at Seminary… God’s school… that would the be ideal right??), that aint the case.
Today, my Greek professor preached in chapel and as always I got thinking about what brought me here. However instead of telling us what we have coming down the road and how great it is that we are answering God’s call, and really just making us feel all warm and fuzzy inside, he took a note from Croy (the author of our textbook) and threw all those happy feelings into the sea. Michael challenged us to think about the cost of what we are doing, and not just the financial cost. Now, when I am already at breaking point with this studying thing and longing for a real day off when I am not even thinking about what I should be doing for class, this was not a welcome challenge since I knew it would probably push me over the edge (at least for the night… cause life really is too good here to truly be anything but happy).
So, what was my cost? Well, looking at the obvious, I spent multiple hours (I don’t even want to know how many) writing essays and filling out scholarship applications knowing that I would not be able to get here without them. I had to take out yet another student loan in addition to all that I have out from undergrad. I put my two music degrees that I worked so hard for, on the back burner. I haven’t really played trumpet since I got here with the exception of a weekly rehearsal and one chapel service. I passed on the possibilities of multiple teaching jobs that I think I could have interviewed for at the very least. I ended a year long relationship with a great person. I left my kitten, and basically my child, back with my parents. I left my two beautiful nieces in Wilson, and missed Emmalyn’s first birthday. I am now 3 hours away from my big sister if something were to happen to her again. No need to keep going…
Obviously, I have left a lot behind. It terrified me to do, and still gets to me on the nights when I really just don’t want to study anymore and would prefer to curl up in bed with Cali Lynn and she isn’t there. But here is the thing- I have come into so much! I have made such incredible friends here and begun an even more incredible journey. I am learning an ancient language that isn’t even available on google translator so that I can really dig down deep and begin to understand the Bible. Over the next three years I will put more time into studying than I ever did in undergrad, and I will learn more about my own history than I ever thought about before. I will work in hospitals, work with youth groups, teach Sunday school classes, and preach sermons. I will travel to places like Ghana or the Holy Lands. I will discern my call further and be tested to lengths that I never thought possible. And hopefully, God willing, I will be ordained at the end of it all and answer a call at a church and change a life maybe. That might be in Oban or it could be in the middle of Kansas. What it all boils down to is this- I will be answering God’s call.
We all have to do it at some point and it will definitely come with its challenges. Even though I finally made it here after what seemed like the longest wait in the world. I am still worrying about money as I stretch every last dollar I made selling luggage the last few months while I wait for scholarships to come at the end of the month. I am losing sleep while I stay up studying for tomorrow’s quiz. I am questioning things and struggling with the answers. I am learning my way around a new, and huge, city. I am finding out who I am now as I enter a whole new environment with completely different people. There have been tears on occasion, and I fully expect there to be more.
This is a very welcome challenge though, no matter what the cost. Because if I only know one thing after 23 years, it is this- God loves us and will never put us in a situation that we cannot handle, because no matter what he will be with us and he can handle anything. I can sit here and look back at what I left or I can look at what I have now and ahead of me. I think I like that option a whole lot more. I mean really, it all boils down to this…
Seminary is really expensive, but life is great and Greek is Greek… and that is alright with me :)
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