A few months ago I decided it was time to sit down and really look at who I am and who I want to be. This led to a whole lot of thought and prayer and some tough decisions, but at this point I know it was all for the better. The changes range from being a little more honest with people (I tended to be honest when I was annoyed, or when it would make someone happy.. never when it would hurt someone but was necessary) to being a little more patient.
It was hard to start this process because it meant coming clean with a few people about different things. I never like hurting people, even in very small ways. For me, the perfect world is where everyone gets along and sings Disney songs all day (huh... kinda like we do here!). I would do anything and everything in my power to make sure that this would happen, unless of course you just annoyed me and then it was on. Not something I am necessarily proud of. So now, I am getting a lot better at just being upfront. Something that is very key in ministry is being able to be honest even when it is hard because you can't really help someone if you lie to them... even if it does make them happier to hear that lie. I still struggle at times, but I also am not put in many situations right now where I need to worry about it. I think it helps that I am now in a community of very open and honest people!
I have also had to really work on patience. Going back to the whole honest when annoyed, I get annoyed purely because I'm not a terribly patient person. Going off of that, I think I am mostly impatient when it comes to things that I think are stupid. Knowing that, I have tried to change my perception of things like that. A few weeks ago, I participated in a workshop through Communities of Learning, in which we did an exercise where we went in a circle and said "Namaste" to each person. This basically means "I see the Christ in you" and other than being terribly awkward at first, really got me thinking. If I were to go back to the student lounge in the music building and take the viewpoint of trying to find Christ in each person, would I have been a bit more patient with the "stupidity"? Probably. I might have seen that these people weren't really being "stupid", but I would have seen it as a quirk and learned to appreciate it. There were some that I did appreciate these quirks, but the exact same quirks really grated on my nerves with others. That being said, I have really tried to look at the things that used to bug me about people and situations and find Christ in them, or see how they can help me grow and aid in my ministry. After waiting for megabus for an hour without any notification of it being late, and then having people push in front of me to get on the bus or load up their luggage, I joked to my Dad that this was just a test and was preparing my patience level for when I am in a church. Thinking back now, I don't think that was so much a joke as it was just an observation!
All of this being said, I can't help but quote a Max Lucado book (he is my all time favorite author), When God Whispers Your Name. In chapter 11 (yes... go look it up, NOW), Lucado discusses the choices we have make throughout the day. Since it would be way too much to try to type it all up, and I'm sure it is against the law in some way, the final paragraph of the chapter is this...
"Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, i will place my head on my pillow and rest." (When God Whispers Your Name, Max Lucado. 1994. p73)
When I was reading this book last summer during my final week of Summer in the City, I couldn't help but read it to the kids and point out that we all make choices every day and the thing that matters most is do we keep Christ in those choices. I seemed to forget that until this summer when I started re-evaluating things. The funny thing is, ever since I made a point to take this approach I am happier, less stressed, and haven't come across a single person I really didn't like.
Now, my challenge to you is this- make your choices, and keep Christ in them. Maybe that guy in the break room isn't really as bad as you think. Why don't you really look into his eyes and find Christ in him, and be a little more patient and kind... you might just have a new best friend! But if you can't do it right away, know that God loves you no matter what. That aint an excuse not to try though!
So, as my friend Ben likes to say, "Make good choices!"
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