Recently in class, we were asked three big questions- What do you want to change about yourself, what do you want to change about the church and what do you want to change about the world? Hopefully I will grab a few minutes to address all of these, because they are things I have been thinking about a lot lately anyway. We will see. First, I want to address the church though…
On scholarship applications, I always talk about the way in which we recruit people and how we need to start with focusing on who we have for a while so that we have a strong foundation for newcomers to latch onto. Lately, I have been reflecting on what I have seen growing up in the church that might affect the lack of new people, or even the loss of people. I think about what my friends have told me about why they don’t go to church and the things that kept me from jumping in right away after we left our church when I was younger. Churches are middle school with God thrown in the middle.
I can’t help but think about how my life was in middle school, and what I saw when I taught in middle school. Every day I was trying to please certain people, trying to get into their group and be just like them. The number of cliques was unreal, and the church is the same way. I have been a member of three different churches and visited many, many others and the cliques are something I have found in all but one (where maybe I just want them to be the perfect church so I ignore it). These cliques do provide us with a close group to latch onto, but do we think about how they effect those not in them??
In talking to people about their relationship with the church, I always hear one of two things- either they are fully engrossed in a strong group which represents multiple committees or they are not involved at all (generally because they do not feel close to anyone). Thinking about my own involvement, I tend to shy away from joining anything until I feel comfortable with the people. That was even the case when I started at UPSem and it came time to join committees- which one did I join? The one chaired by the guy I met during the summer and had become friends with, not the ones chaired by people I had yet to meet. This all leads us to one key idea about the church: we go where we are comfortable.
Now, think back to when you were in 9th grade and starting at your new high school (or college, or your new job…). Do you remember the feeling of looking around and seeing that everyone knew somebody- except for you? You had no idea where to go and were probably worried that you might not even be welcomed where you finally decided to go. Now, think about the way your church looks to a newcomer. Is it clear to them that there is somewhere just for them? Is there a group that they can connect to easily? Or think about that young adult that has been moving further and further back in the sanctuary and coming less and less. There is a big possibility that they really aren’t busy like you think, but rather that they feel un-welcomed because they don’t fit in with the cliques that have been formed.
I was talking to my friend about his involvement in church a while back, and found out that his biggest problem is the country club feel in the church and that is why he doesn’t go. “That is exactly why I didn’t buy one of those combo TV/VCRs in the 90s- some things are meant to be separate. What happens if one breaks? It becomes completely useless.” That has stuck with me every time I think about what needs to be changed first in the church. Yes, I think it is very important to bring the focus inward and help the congregation strengthen before putting on a big show for visitors, but I think the biggest part of that strengthening is to mix it up and break down these cliques that make church feel like a country club. Think about it- if we keep the cliques going and drama starts in one of them (which will ALWAYS happen), what will happen to the church? It will become useless and broken, as any body is only as strong as it's weakest part.
In a Christian Education proposal that I wrote for a class last semester, I made a point to provide places for people to be with others that are like them so that they have a comfort zone. However, I made a bigger point to provide opportunities for the church to switch groups around a bit and even come together as a whole. How can we grow in faith if we never go outside of our comfort zone? Let me tell you- if I stayed in my comfort zone, I would be planning a middle school band concert right now and have a lot less excitement in my life. I would have never come to seminary, and I probably would have thought that an occasional “Bible” study (minus the Bible) was enough to get me through the week. However, I am asking the hard questions every day and fighting people who tell me that women shouldn’t be in ministry or that I am not cut out for it because I am terrified of preaching. No one here is like me- we all have very different backgrounds and do very different things in our down time. And I am all the better for it.
So, instead of thinking that people are too busy or didn’t like the sermon and that is why they aren’t coming back, let’s take a look at ourselves. Are we welcoming when we get past the meaningless and thoughtless words of welcome we use every Sunday? When people come in our doors, do they see closed off groups or open arms?
I have a friend who has no desire to go back to the church she grew up at because when she returned, there was no place for her among all of the cliques that had formed. Fifteen years of history in a church, more memories there than most people that sat in the Sanctuary had combined. She walked out after a painful service during which no one genuinely talked to her, and doesn’t plan to return. She still has family there. She still visits one or two of the members. However, the cliques that formed to keep “a certain kind of person” kept her out- and who knows how many other people.
In God’s eyes, we are all his children. We all have special gifts that we bring to the table and we are all important. Just because a person doesn’t live in the same neighborhood or wear the same clothes, or even have the same interests, doesn’t mean that they should ever be shut out. It is time that we stop blaming others for our failings, and look at ourselves- are we even giving others a chance to succeed?
Let’s go to Church on Sunday- not back to middle school.
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