"For such a time as this"

While I have time off from school, I have taken some time to read a bunch of books from the recommended reading list that Union gave to me last year. I will be the first to admit that some of these are those "forced" readings that you are doing because you know you should, but they aren't really what you would be reading if you were given an option, but the one I am reading now is actually pretty good.

"The Close" by Chloe Breyer tells of a young woman's first year in seminary. There are many differences between Chloe and myself- she is a "second career" student, married, and Episcopalian while I have not really had a real career yet, am not married, and Presbyterian. However I think that no matter the denomination, career status, and marital status, there are a few things about seminary that are pretty common throughout. As I slowly make my way through the book (for some reason I don't move as fast through books unless they are Max Lucado or Dan Brown, who unfortunately doesn't have any books to help me right now), a few things have stuck out to me, but one imparticular reference keeps hitting me in the head.

In the story of Queen Esther (yep, goin all Old Testament on ya now!), the king has taken some Jews captive and is planning on destroying them (it is important to know that Esther is a Jew but has not revealed this to the king). After hearing of what is going on, Esther decides that she must do something since she is living in the king's house, knowing that it is very possible that she and her family will be wiped out if she reveals who she is. However, Mordecai says "Who knows? Perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this (Esther 4:14)." The thought that Esther, a Jew, would be made queen so that she could free the other Jews from the hold of the king is a huge thing to comprehend. But that is how God does things... he makes them so miraculous and incredible that it is almost hard to believe and we then have to let our faith guide us.

That is kind of how I feel today. I just completed 4 1/2 years of jumping hurdles to complete two music degrees, and I am well on my way in the race and hurdles to even begin my time in seminary. I will be the first to say that this is HARD and the last thing I want to do is keep jumping hurdles and fighting for what I believe. Honestly there have been times that I thought it might just be better if I let it all go and go find a middle school band to teach, but there is no possible way that I could do that. Did Esther let the fact that she was a Jew stop her from going to save the rest of the Jews? Nope. So why would I let the fact that one person may not like what I am doing stop me from doing it?

I have big aspirations for the future. I have dreams to help the youth of the church in ways that my unique combination of gifts will bring alive. Was life made easy for Esther? Nope. But she was made queen "for such a time as this" and I feel that I am called to ministry "for such a time as this". Yes, I am still discerning what that call really is, and I don't think that I will ever have the full answer, and especially won't come close sitting at home reading books. I need some time in full and dedicated study, in discussion with others that are going through the same process, and those that have and know how to guide me.

We are all called to do something "for such a time as this". The question is what is your something?

NOW is the perfect time to do it... just don't the hurdles and non-believers get in your way!!

That Gray Area in Between

... That is pretty much how I feel about where I am in life right now- a gray area. I graduated from college two months ago, but don't start seminary until July (only 4 months and 20 days until class starts!). I am back in my parent's house in Raleigh, but spending my weekends in Greensboro. I have a temporary job at my old church, and occasionally sub at my old daycare job. There are very few constants in my life right now and quite frankly, it is stressful and scary. Who would have thought that being able to sleep in and do nothing everyday would be stressful and scary??

My temporary job at the church is doing inventory of the books in the library and trying to sort them out and make the library accessible again. This is not the easiest of jobs since it hasn't been done in 10 years and was never maintained, but it very interesting. I have a bad habit of scanning the books as I do inventory and I have seen a lot of interesting things that I will hopefully have time to go back and read when I am done. Aside from the runny nose reminding me of my allergies from sorting through old, dusty books I have been reminded of a very important thing- no matter where we are in life or what we are doing, God is always there.

I have decided that it is completely normal for me to be freaked out right now. I am "leaving" what I know and going to the "unknown". I am reading books about what to expect in seminary and quite frankly, there are times that I wonder why I haven't given up yet. That is where God comes in. He isn't going to throw something at us that we can't handle. Sure, the library is slightly intimidating, but with every hour that passes, I see one more shelf empty. With every page I read that tells me how hard seminary will be, there are two that encourage me and remind me of why I am taking this turn in my life.

18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
(Isaiah 43:18-19)

This verse is a reminder to me that it doesn't really matter where I am right now, gray area or otherwise, because God has so much more planned for me! He is making a way for me so that I can not only survive, but be successful in my next endeavor (seminary) even though it may not seem like it at first. With God's help, I will finish the library, and with God's help, I will find a way to push through the next few months of my life and then the 3 years in seminary.

No matter what is going on in your life, there is always at least one constant- GOD. He will always pull you out of your gray area and shed a bit of light on it, and if you think about it, a brighter gray is kind of like silver and who doesn't like that?