I am worried about my friend. What I really hate is that all I want is for him to be happy right now, but I cannot come up with a solution. Go figure I am the one who would give up absolutely anything for the ones that I love to be happy, so this is taking over my mind right now. Doesn't matter that I am finally pretty ridiculously happy. That just makes me hate the situation even more.

It is hard to be in a place where you aren't getting much from your job and you don't have anyone to go home to. I have to do it every day and I am miserable. The thing is, I am 21 and have huge plans for the future. I am not necessarily ready to have someone waiting for me when I get home (as much as I do love the idea). But they are more than at the point when they should be able to have that. I can't lie on this one, part of me hurts because at one point I wanted to be that for him. Then I realized I am not anywhere close to what he needs, as much as I wish I were. Really, I don't know that a girl exists that deserves to be with him... every girl would have at least one or two things wrong with them. He deserves the most perfect girl in the world. I hate that, because I can't do anything to help with it.

I spend a lot of my time thinking about it. Trying to find some solution. Maybe it is because I am still young and don't have much experience. Maybe it is because I have the whole "past interest" thing blocking me. I just wish I could do something to help him. He does a great job at laughing it all off and putting on a show, but I know that he is hurting and I know there is nothing that I can do. All I can do is try to be there as the "little sister" when/ if he wants to talk about it. I just feel like that isn't enough.

You can only throw yourself into your hobbies for so long before they no longer provide the escape that they once did... I know this. We need that personal relationship with another person.

*sigh*

A few thoughts

So I think once I am through this recital I will be able to get back on track with my thoughtful line of blogs.

For now, these random thoughts about my personal life will have to do.

My sister is spending the weekend with me. It is definitely nice to have someone to cook for and do things with! Last night we went downtown to Natty's to celebrate Andrew's 30th birthday. We left early (since she is 18) and went to see Alice in Wonderland. Decent movie, not anything I will rush out to see again. Today we will probably just hang out around here... maybe go to the mall.

The recital is tomorrow. I am now in that "eh" mood. Not nervous, not excited. I think the whole thing with some important people starting to bail is really getting to me. There is a chance that Andrew won't be there (no clue why but this is what he told Noel last night), Lars is probably working, and Marc had to bail so he can work. I guess the silver lining to the cloud is that there is still a slight chance that John and Ben will be there. Felicity and Eric can't be there, but I am skyping them. I guess I just really wanted the people that have really pushed me to be there to see where I have come. Oh well. Either way, it is going to be kick ass and worth every penny I have dropped on it (way too much...).

Other than that, there isn't much on my mind.

Pittsburgh Theological Seminary

Back in November I had the pleasure of meeting a lady from Pittsburgh Theological Seminary (Pittsburgh, PA) and talking to her about seminary. I found out that the application deadline for Term III of 2010-2011 (February start) was looming and I better get my application in. The only problem was that if I was accepted, I only had 30 days to confirm. This meant I had to do ALL of my applications at once (even if I didn't plan to start until the Fall).

Well, I sent in the application and met with the same lady for an interview while I was at the college conference at Montreat. The interview went well but I felt that it was very stuffy and not nearly as personal and relaxed as my meeting with the Union representative. I found out that Pitts had a lot to offer outside of the Seminary, but they were lacking the local mission that I was looking for. Needless to say they went from being number one to needing a lot of thought.

Well, after two months of waiting, I heard back from PTS yesterday and I was accepted! Part of me is still very interested (I mean Mr. Rogers went there... who wouldn't want to go? lol) and I am doing some more research and will probably make a few phone calls. Unfortunately it is way too expensive for me to go visit, not to mention I have no time before the deadline to confirm.

Hm...

Now is the time to start weighing my options! I love that I have them though... accepted to both grad schools is a GREAT feeling! :)

When was the last time?

When was the last time that you picked up your Bible?



Was it on your own?



Was it for a reference or just to read?



Why is it so hard for us to pick up the Bible, find a comfy spot, and just read?


There is so much pressure on us between school, work, friends, family... even church. By the time we get home the only thing that we really want to do is sit down with a cold beverage in front of the TV and watch American Idol or How I Met Your Mother. The last thing we want to do is more reading and even more thinking.

What a disturbing thought. We go to church every Sunday, wear our cross necklaces, maybe quote something we think is in the bible, and maybe even go to a Bible study or two... but we won't take time on our own to sit down and read (but we will take time for Twilight and those cheap romance novels from the grocery store).

So... rather than thinking about everything else we can do, lets think about why we are so scared of this big book? A question that was posed at one of my Bible studies a few weeks ago was "What is your first memory of the Bible?". We went around the group and most of us remembered reading our picture Bibles with our family, or hearing a story from it as a bedtime story. That is what we remembered, and that is what we loved.

Who is to say you can only enjoy the Bible as a child? Shoot... we are all children in some way. Want pictures? There are tons of Bibles out there with pictures. Want a good story? Open up to any book and just start reading. There are TONS of stories throughout the Bible.

So rather than sitting here reading my rants (and rather than me writing them), find your Bible, dust it off, and just open it! Chances are you will open to something pretty incredible and maybe even get hooked. Read it like a story book if that is what helps. As long as you allow God to stay present and speak to and through you as you read, it is bound to be a pretty incredible experience!

SB 2010

So this was my first full spring break since I started college. I have always had NTC or something else that ended it early/ started it late. SO... it was a decent one :) Here are the highlights...

-SoCon 2010... both teams played some great games (men did better than expected). Lots of fun was had by all, but I am glad to say it was my last one after 4 years. There comes a point in time when you just kinda out grow that kind of stuff...

-Sick... every day but Tuesday (miracles happen!). At first I thought it was strep, then it just turned into a really nasty cold that is still hanging around :(

-Union campus visit/ interview... read the last blog. It was incredible and I was accepted. I have gotten emails from the professors that I met and it has me even more excited. Now I just wait to see if I get accepted to Pittsburgh and then I weigh my options.

-Felicity was in the hospital with what she calls "pregnant sick". She got hit with a virus that had her dehydrated, crazy blood pressure, and losing way too much weight way too fast. Not good for the baby. She is home now and trying to stay there.

-Got some fun sister time with Noel. I hated that I couldn't go back to Greensboro early like I originally planned but I didn't want to leave her here alone for the start of her SB. Lots of bonding and falling asleep in front of the TV lol.

-Triangle Brass Band w/ Allen Vizzuti. was. AMAZING. Not gonna lie... the trumpet section didn't impress me all that much, but it was great to see/ hear Andy do what he does best (since he doesn't get to enough when we are at school) and hear Allen Vizzuti blow my mind on trumpet. After the concert, Andy got us backstage and introduced me to Vizzuti. I kinda word vomited all over the place but I was just a little excited. And he was so nice!


So now, I finish laundry and pack and then hit the road back to Gboro. I haven't gotten any work done while I was home so I will be slammed once I get there. Oh well. It was worth it. Next year I won't even have a spring break!

Communion on the moon

Between the seminary visit and being sick all week, I am lacking the energy to write something worthwhile (including required papers). I hope this will suffice, even if it is a few days late.

This is something my former boss sent me the other day that I thought was incredibly interesting and meaningful... enjoy.

> 40 years ago ...guess what happened...
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
>
> I had not heard of this before . . .
>
>
>
> Communion on the Moon
>
> I love this. How many of you knew? Too bad this type
> news doesn't travel as fast as bad.
>
> Communion on the Moon: July 20th, 1969
>
> (This is an article by Eric Metaxas)
>
> Forty years ago two human beings changed history by
> walking on the surface of the moon. But what happened before Buzz Aldrin
> and Neil Armstrong exited the Lunar Module is perhaps even more amazing,
> if only because so few people know about it. "I'm talking about the fact
> that Buzz Aldrin took communion on the surface of the moon. Some months
> after his return, he wrote about it in Guideposts magazine.
>
> And a few years ago I had the privilege of meeting him
> myself. I asked him about it and he confirmed the story to me, and I
> wrote about in my book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About God
> (But Were Afraid to Ask).
>
> The background to the story is that Aldrin was an elder
> at his Presbyterian Church in Texas during this period in his life, and
> knowing that he would soon be doing something unprecedented in human
> history, he felt he should mark the occasion somehow, and he asked his
> minister to help him. And so the minister consecrated a communion wafer
> and a small vial of communion wine. And Buzz Aldrin took them with him
> out of the Earth's orbit and on to the surface of the moon.
>
> He and Armstrong had only been on the lunar surface for a
> few minutes when Aldrin made the following public statement:
> "This is the LM pilot. I'd like to take this opportunity
> to ask every person listening in, whoever and wherever they may be, to
> pause for a moment and contemplate the events of the past few hours and
> to give thanks in his or her own way." He then ended radio communication
> and there, on the silent surface of the moon, 250,000 miles from home, he
> read a verse from the Gospel of John, and he took communion. Here is his
> own account of what happened:
>
> "In the radio blackout, I opened the little plastic
> packages which contained the bread and the wine. I poured the wine into
> the chalice our church had given me. In the one-sixth gravity of the
> moon, the wine slowly curled and gracefully came up the side of the cup.
>
> Then I read the Scripture, 'I am the vine, you are the
> branches. Whosoever abides in me will bring forth much fruit.. Apart from
> me you can do nothing.
>
> I had intended to read my communion passage back to
> earth, but at the last minute [they] had requested that I not do this.
> NASA was already embroiled in a legal battle with Madelyn Murray O'Hare,
> the celebrated
> opponent of religion, over the Apollo 8 crew reading from
> Genesis while orbiting the
> moon at Christmas. I agreed reluctantly.
>
> I ate the tiny Host and swallowed the wine. I gave thanks
> for the intelligence and spirit that had brought two young pilots to the
> Sea of Tranquility . It was interesting for me to think: the very first
> liquid ever poured on the moon, and the very first food eaten there, were
> the communion elements.
>
> And of course, it's interesting to think that some of the
> first words spoken on the moon were the words of Jesus Christ, who made
> the Earth and the moon - and Who, in the immortal words of Dante, is
> Himself the
> "Love that moves the Sun and other stars."
>
> WOW!!!!
>

Union Presbyterian Seminary

Well, I did it. A year ago I never would have thought I would make a trip to Richmond to visit a Seminary, much less do an official interview, but that is what today was for.

Mom went with me (a huge relief on the driving part) and it definitely made things a lot less stressful. We got there around 10 am and met Brint Keyes (Director of Admissions). This was more of a catch up time since I have met him a few times previously, but it was a great way for mom to get to know him since I have mentioned him a few times in passing.

After talking to Brint, we went to "community break" which really reminded me a lot of the student lounge in the school of music. Basically, every Tuesday, the main dining/meeting room is opened up for about 30 minutes for the students to just hang out and talk between class. I met a lot of really cool people, including my former youth adviser for PYC and a friend of Andrew's. It definitely made it feel more like home!

After community break, we went to "The Fourth Gospel". This is a lecture class on John. It was really cool to see how seminary classes really are and I am definitely more excited about it! There was a wide variety of students (Jamaican, Asian, White, Black, young, old...) and lots of different ideas.

I also interviewed with Dr. Sam Adams (Old Testament), had lunch with a current student, and had a campus tour. The campus is incredible and very small (quite literally one city block). The library was absolutely incredible (ranked higher than Princeton), dorm rooms are more like apartments (no pets though), and two gorgeous chapels (great acoustics).

The people were absolutely incredible. Very welcoming and willing to answer any questions. I already feel like part of the family :)

Which is good... cause I was accepted :D

It is all to easy to lose your footing...

As many of you know, I have struggled a lot over the past year because of the loss of my best friend (he didn't die or anything, but the way things ended it felt like he had). In the last few months I finally got myself pulled together and moved on.

Last night I decided to say hey to him when I saw that he was online. We talked for a few minutes, mainly him talking about his band program. But I had to shut it down cause I could feel myself slipping and quickly realized the rope I was holding onto so tight wasn't quite as strong as I had originally thought.

Funny how that is. We always think we know what is best for us. We make these plans and do everything in the world to stick by them. So what, there was a huge fight and you haven't talked in year.. it has been long enough and you will be friends now. Wrong. We really just can't take things for what they are.

As humans, we work so hard to make sure everything is comfortable for us. You know what? It aint gonna happen. We are so focused on what WE want to happen that we miss what GOD has in store for us.

I was so focused on this lost friendship for a while, I didn't see an even better friendship taking form. We are so focused on that missed opportunity, we don't see the thousands of new opportunities passing us by.

I was watching a movie last night with my parents called "uncorked". There was a great quote (this isn't exact) "We can make all the plans we want, but so can God, and he doesn't check in". So true.

So how bout we all let go, and let God!