I will never forget that day. I had to wear a white t-shirt and shorts so that when I got wet, they wouldn't show through my robe and then I changed into the prettiest white dress. My whole family was there, sitting in the folding metal chairs, waiting and watching in excitement as Mr. Law talked about the importance of this Holy Sacrament and the extra piece that made this particular time a bit more special- he had included water from the River of Jordan (I did enjoy that a little bit more than the others I think). As I walked down the steps into the not quite warm (more on the side of freezing) water, I freaked out just a little bit, but Mr. Law was there to hold my hand and I had a sneaky suspicion he wasn't the only one. When it came time, I pinched my nose as he held the back of my head and my hands and slowly immersed me in the water. I had been baptized.
In the scripture (Matthew 3: 13-17), Jesus goes to find John the Baptist so that he (Jesus) might be baptized. John has baptized many people in the Jordan, but he insist that he should be the one being baptized by Jesus rather than the other way around. After a bit of persuasion on Jesus' behalf, John baptizes Jesus. As he came up from the water, the scripture says that God descended from heaven in the form a dove (the symbol of peace) and a voice from the heavens called out "This is my Son whom I love; with him I am well pleased."
It is interesting to me that the book of Matthew has this event almost immediately proceeding the birth of Jesus Christ (with a few events in between). As I recall, there isn't a reference to Jesus' age (probably wrong though). The focus has been put on the act rather than the little details. Jesus isn't all high and mighty with an ego that puts him above the rest. He has gone to find the same man that everyone else is going to, so that HE (Jesus) might be baptized as well. It is my guess that he knows he is at least somewhat special by this point in his life (look at his comment in Matthew 3:15), but he still understands the importance of being baptized just like everyone else... kinda a huge part of his role as "God in the flesh" in my opinion.
As Christians, we believe that baptism is the word made visible and proof of God's grace and that we are the heirs of his grace. Through baptism we are reborn as children of God in his kingdom and are members of the Holy Catholic Church... one great big happy family with a pretty awesome dad :) Many churches celebrate the act of baptism differently. Growing up in the Disciples of Christ Church, we were baptized sometime around 3rd grade after going through a Pastor's class during which we learned all kinds of ins and outs of the Bible and Christianity. In other churches (I know Presbyterian for sure), people are baptized as infants. Then you can get into all of the different kinds (immersion, water on the forehead... sorry I drew a complete blank there, etc.). While I am a big fan of the way I did it, I don't think any one way is better than the other. The importance is not in the "how", but in the "why".
The "why" of baptism is different for everyone in my opinion. The reason that I prefer being baptized as a child rather than infant is because I was able to discover and understand my "why" better (that part comes through confirmation class for the Presbys who baptize as infants). For me, my "why" was very to the point (after all I was in elementary school and didn't think too deep on subjects that weren't friend related). I loved God and wanted to be his child through baptism (I knew I was already his child, but baptism took it to another level). What I find most interesting, is talking to people who are baptized as adults. The reasons are so vast, yet so similar, and typically they all revolve around a single answer- they want to be part of the body of Christ.
SO... rather than continuing to talk in circles about something that I am only now beginning to really study (and very informally at that), I just want y'all to think about your "why". Why were you baptized? Why weren't you baptized? Has it changed since then?
Just as Jesus did thousands of years ago, people are still being baptized every day. Jesus' "why" was more about bringing all of God's work together through this single act (Matthew 3:15 MSG). I think the overarching "why" of today's society is to be part of the body of Christ and to continue with fulfilling Jesus' "why", bringing together and acting on God's work over the centuries.
As I sit here and think about this, I think about the cross that my Grandparent's gave me for my baptism. It is a gorgeous cross that they got in Alaska, and in the very center there is a single stone. This stone is a gorgeous deep blue with some green swirling through it, almost resembling the earth. It is one of my favorite crosses because it is as if the earth is as the heart of the cross which signifies Jesus Christ. Thinking about his reason for baptism, to bring God's work together, I find it very appropriate that the "earth" (God's creation, including all of his work) is as the heart of my baptism cross, always reminding me of his love and the reason for this Holy sacrament of baptism.
Think about it :)
Friday, January 7, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The (more than) Three Wisemen...
Even though Christmas day has come and gone and we are now in 2011, we are still in Christmas... the 12 days of Christmas. No, this isn't like the song... no this is about the 12 days that followed the birth of Jesus Christ before the wise men showed up.
Just a brief background...
Jesus is born. King Herod freaks out (as do most of the people in Jerusalem) and is threatened by what is being said about this new baby boy and orders that all baby boys in Bethlehem be killed. Meanwhile, Herod meets with the wise men pretending to be as excited and devoted as they are and tells them to find the baby and let him know where he is so he might join them. So the wise men go find baby Jesus but are warned in a dream to not return to Herod so they flee to their own country. Meanwhile, after the wise men leave, an angel comes to Joseph once again and tells him to leave Bethlehem with Mary and Jesus because Herod is on a hunt to kill the baby Jesus.
NOW... the story of the fourth wise man (in a nutshell).
Arteband (the fourth one) has it in his head that he is going to travel with the others to see Jesus, so he collects three gifts to take- a ruby, a sapphire, and pearl. On his way to meet the others, he stops to care for a sick man and misses the other guys so he has to sell his ruby to pay for transportation with a caravan. The night before he is to arrive to see Jesus, Joseph and Mary flee with Jesus after what the angel told them, so Arte stays at an inn. While at the inn, the soldiers come to kill all the baby boys and Arte saves one by paying off the guards with his sapphire. At this point, he has lost Jesus' trail, but he doesn't give up. Arte takes different jobs so that he can have money to live off of, but keep the pearl for when he does find Jesus. Word starts to spread of a crucifixion and Arte rushes to see his Lord. On the way, he runs into a woman who is going to be sold as a slave so he gives up his last gift, the pearl, to save her. All of the sudden, an earthquake comes and causes a wall to fall on Arte. As he lay there, he called up to God "O Lord, how often have I failed you?" to which God replies, "You have not failed me, for you have given to the least of your brothers...".
Now, while I may not be completely accurate in all of that I have written out (give me a year and it will be better!), there is a point to all of this. No where in the Bible does it say that there were only THREE wise men. It only says that Herod went to the religion scholars of the city (i.e. the wise men). The "three" comes from the three gifts (Gold for a king, Frankincense for a priest, and myrrh as an acknowledgment that Jesus was born to die). So even though the story of our friend Arte may not be found in the Bible, it is still very important.
Just like Arte brought himself to the Lord by way of giving his most precious gifts to those he met along the way, the least of his brothers, we can bring our most precious gifts to God. Kind of like I said in my last "real" blog about the mean of Christmas, it isn't about the material gifts. While material gifts are nice and we can all enjoy them for a time, the most precious gift that we have is OURSELF. As we reach out and help others, whether that be giving food to the food bank or listening to our friends problems, we should give OURSELVES. WE can be one of the wise men.
There is no better time to give yourself than now, as you are making your New Year's resolutions. Why not set aside some time each week to reach out to those that we might otherwise ignore. It could be that you spend some time on the phone with your brother or sister that you haven't talked to in a while because you were "just too busy", or you might visit that old lady from church and let her tell you some stories from when she was younger. Maybe you can go to the food bank and help sort food or help build a house with your church at Habitat for Humanity. The monetary gifts help the organizations, but they need help working with what it is they are buying. Remember, we don't have to go abroad to help someone. Help is needed right outside our front door, and sometimes, sitting across from you at the dinner table.
There is no fixed number of how many wise men there can be, so why not make that number as high as possible?
What can I give him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;
if I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;
yet what I can I give him: give my heart.
~In the Bleak Midwinter~
Just a brief background...
Jesus is born. King Herod freaks out (as do most of the people in Jerusalem) and is threatened by what is being said about this new baby boy and orders that all baby boys in Bethlehem be killed. Meanwhile, Herod meets with the wise men pretending to be as excited and devoted as they are and tells them to find the baby and let him know where he is so he might join them. So the wise men go find baby Jesus but are warned in a dream to not return to Herod so they flee to their own country. Meanwhile, after the wise men leave, an angel comes to Joseph once again and tells him to leave Bethlehem with Mary and Jesus because Herod is on a hunt to kill the baby Jesus.
NOW... the story of the fourth wise man (in a nutshell).
Arteband (the fourth one) has it in his head that he is going to travel with the others to see Jesus, so he collects three gifts to take- a ruby, a sapphire, and pearl. On his way to meet the others, he stops to care for a sick man and misses the other guys so he has to sell his ruby to pay for transportation with a caravan. The night before he is to arrive to see Jesus, Joseph and Mary flee with Jesus after what the angel told them, so Arte stays at an inn. While at the inn, the soldiers come to kill all the baby boys and Arte saves one by paying off the guards with his sapphire. At this point, he has lost Jesus' trail, but he doesn't give up. Arte takes different jobs so that he can have money to live off of, but keep the pearl for when he does find Jesus. Word starts to spread of a crucifixion and Arte rushes to see his Lord. On the way, he runs into a woman who is going to be sold as a slave so he gives up his last gift, the pearl, to save her. All of the sudden, an earthquake comes and causes a wall to fall on Arte. As he lay there, he called up to God "O Lord, how often have I failed you?" to which God replies, "You have not failed me, for you have given to the least of your brothers...".
Now, while I may not be completely accurate in all of that I have written out (give me a year and it will be better!), there is a point to all of this. No where in the Bible does it say that there were only THREE wise men. It only says that Herod went to the religion scholars of the city (i.e. the wise men). The "three" comes from the three gifts (Gold for a king, Frankincense for a priest, and myrrh as an acknowledgment that Jesus was born to die). So even though the story of our friend Arte may not be found in the Bible, it is still very important.
Just like Arte brought himself to the Lord by way of giving his most precious gifts to those he met along the way, the least of his brothers, we can bring our most precious gifts to God. Kind of like I said in my last "real" blog about the mean of Christmas, it isn't about the material gifts. While material gifts are nice and we can all enjoy them for a time, the most precious gift that we have is OURSELF. As we reach out and help others, whether that be giving food to the food bank or listening to our friends problems, we should give OURSELVES. WE can be one of the wise men.
There is no better time to give yourself than now, as you are making your New Year's resolutions. Why not set aside some time each week to reach out to those that we might otherwise ignore. It could be that you spend some time on the phone with your brother or sister that you haven't talked to in a while because you were "just too busy", or you might visit that old lady from church and let her tell you some stories from when she was younger. Maybe you can go to the food bank and help sort food or help build a house with your church at Habitat for Humanity. The monetary gifts help the organizations, but they need help working with what it is they are buying. Remember, we don't have to go abroad to help someone. Help is needed right outside our front door, and sometimes, sitting across from you at the dinner table.
There is no fixed number of how many wise men there can be, so why not make that number as high as possible?
What can I give him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;
if I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;
yet what I can I give him: give my heart.
~In the Bleak Midwinter~
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Looking back...
Last year was definitely one to look back and smile on.
A year ago, I was sending in applications to seminary and preparing for interviews. It was all I could do to keep focus when everyone around me had other plans for me, telling me do/ do not go to seminary, go to this one and not that one, do music instead... I was beyond stressed out. Eventually, a few more months down the road though I found my home at Union Presbyterian Seminary when I visited the campus for an interview. Nothing could have felt more right. So I spent the rest of the year preparing in multiple ways for seminary and trying to make sure that everything is taken care of on my end so I can start class this summer with as little extra stress as possible.
I also "finished" off a huge part of my life this year. Only a few weeks after my interview at Union PS, I completed my senior recital and as much as I hate, basically called it quits in the trumpet realm for a while. Of course I still had my students and a few gigs here and there but I took some time off for me to refocus and figure out why I play trumpet. While at UNCG I lost that focus somewhere between all of the hurdles they had me jumping over and as many of you know, I was quite unhappy. That also essentially closed up my performance degree and I was able to put all of my time into finishing my ed degree. I loved student teaching and learned a whole lot from my OSTE and my students. It was a great few months but honestly, I am glad I am done. I finally completed the ed degree and graduated with a BM in Instrumental Music Performance and BM in Instrumental Music Education on December 16.
What I find most interesting about this year is who I spent my time with. I definitely became a lot closer to some friends than I ever expected. Hope, Malik, and Bobby are three people that I have always known in some capacity (mostly through class or the fraternity) but we were never terribly close. I think God had a plan for us when he put us all in the most dreadful class I have ever taken. Through the complaining and commiserating, we grew to be great friends and I love every single one of them. Eventually (and finally!), Bobby and I started dating and that was the best decision I have ever made. It is because of those three (especially Bobby... but I am going to try to keep the gross stuff out :D ) that my life has turned around and I am happier than ever. They made my last year at UNCG the best and really put my focus where it should be (whether or not they know it).
All of this, in addition to the other "smaller" things that happened this year, made 2010 a pretty awesome year. I may have lost some friends, but I gained some amazing ones. I started the year thinking I would stay single and free of commitment until seminary, and closed it in the arms of the most incredible man I know. Last January I had no idea what my plans were other than "go to seminary", I am now counting down the days until I start at Union PS. I think it is easy to say that 2010 has been the best year of my life, but I can't wait to see what 2011 brings. I am an incredibly blessed person and I thank God for all of it every single day, as I hope all of you do as well.
"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
May 2011 bring you many moments to take your breath away!!!
Happy New Year!!!
A year ago, I was sending in applications to seminary and preparing for interviews. It was all I could do to keep focus when everyone around me had other plans for me, telling me do/ do not go to seminary, go to this one and not that one, do music instead... I was beyond stressed out. Eventually, a few more months down the road though I found my home at Union Presbyterian Seminary when I visited the campus for an interview. Nothing could have felt more right. So I spent the rest of the year preparing in multiple ways for seminary and trying to make sure that everything is taken care of on my end so I can start class this summer with as little extra stress as possible.
I also "finished" off a huge part of my life this year. Only a few weeks after my interview at Union PS, I completed my senior recital and as much as I hate, basically called it quits in the trumpet realm for a while. Of course I still had my students and a few gigs here and there but I took some time off for me to refocus and figure out why I play trumpet. While at UNCG I lost that focus somewhere between all of the hurdles they had me jumping over and as many of you know, I was quite unhappy. That also essentially closed up my performance degree and I was able to put all of my time into finishing my ed degree. I loved student teaching and learned a whole lot from my OSTE and my students. It was a great few months but honestly, I am glad I am done. I finally completed the ed degree and graduated with a BM in Instrumental Music Performance and BM in Instrumental Music Education on December 16.
What I find most interesting about this year is who I spent my time with. I definitely became a lot closer to some friends than I ever expected. Hope, Malik, and Bobby are three people that I have always known in some capacity (mostly through class or the fraternity) but we were never terribly close. I think God had a plan for us when he put us all in the most dreadful class I have ever taken. Through the complaining and commiserating, we grew to be great friends and I love every single one of them. Eventually (and finally!), Bobby and I started dating and that was the best decision I have ever made. It is because of those three (especially Bobby... but I am going to try to keep the gross stuff out :D ) that my life has turned around and I am happier than ever. They made my last year at UNCG the best and really put my focus where it should be (whether or not they know it).
All of this, in addition to the other "smaller" things that happened this year, made 2010 a pretty awesome year. I may have lost some friends, but I gained some amazing ones. I started the year thinking I would stay single and free of commitment until seminary, and closed it in the arms of the most incredible man I know. Last January I had no idea what my plans were other than "go to seminary", I am now counting down the days until I start at Union PS. I think it is easy to say that 2010 has been the best year of my life, but I can't wait to see what 2011 brings. I am an incredibly blessed person and I thank God for all of it every single day, as I hope all of you do as well.
"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
May 2011 bring you many moments to take your breath away!!!
Happy New Year!!!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
The True Meaning of CHRISTmas
In today's world, it is easy to lose focus during the holiday season. It is only December 2 and I am already writing this to pull ME back in! We get caught up in the sales, preparations for parties, exams, and for me, graduation. Is it bad to get excited about this stuff? Not necessarily. The problems arise when we make THEM the focus of the season.
Christ-mas.... the coming of Christ. I recent wrote a devotion for my church's advent devotion book and I think it pertains to this topic pretty closely. This devotion is based on Issaiah 11:1-9 which says,
"A shoot shall come out from the stump of Jesse, and a branch shall grow out of his roots. 2The spirit of the Lord shall rest on him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. 3His delight shall be in the fear of the Lord. He shall not judge by what his eyes see, or decide by what his ears hear; 4but with righteousness he shall judge the poor, and decide with equity for the meek of the earth; he shall strike the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips he shall kill the wicked. 5Righteousness shall be the belt around his waist, and faithfulness the belt around his loins. 6The wolf shall live with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the kid, the calf and the lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them. 7The cow and the bear shall graze, their young shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. 8The nursing child shall play over the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put its hand on the adder’s den. 9They will not hurt or destroy on all my holy mountain; for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea. "
Before the time of Jesus Christ, the world was in a sense of upheaval. Israelites, after being freed from the Egyptians and settling into their new lands, forgot God (Psalm 106:21) and believed that their hand and work had brought them their fruits and to this new land (Exod. 3: 7-8). As they continued on in their lives, all calls from God were ignored and they didn’t “do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God (Micah 6:8)”. Even with warnings from God’s prophets, the Israelites still turned a blind eye to their deliverer. Through all of the turmoil and rejection, God never left his children. Isaiah 11:1-9 tells of a shoot that will rise from the stump of Jesse, bringing new life with it. This shoot will bring light into the world through the spirit, making all things good again.
Thankfully for the Israelites, this shoot is so much more than a twig coming out of stump. This shoot is a representation of Jesus Christ, himself. JESUS will come into the world and the SPIRIT of the LORD will rest on HIM. JESUS will not judge others by what he sees or hears, but by righteousness and justice. JESUS will strike the earth with the rod from his mouth and breath from his lips. The world will finally know PEACE.
We are not too different from the Israelites. Our focus has been put on the drama at work, trying to find new ways to pay the bills that don’t seem to stop pouring in, or maybe those exams that are not too far away. We have it in our heads that we have to do everything single-handedly and there is just no way out. We forget to say a quick prayer in the morning because we are so focused on what has to be done that day, and we are so exhausted at the end of the night that we just fall into bed without another thought. Just as the Israelites did, we are turning a blind eye to God. God won’t leave us though! In fact, he will even give us his one and only son, our LORD to help to guide us through the day. Through Jesus, just like the Israelites, we will find justice, mercy, and peace. If and when we live our lives through Jesus, we will find a way to make it through the day. Things may not always be perfect, but no matter what, we will always have Jesus Christ as a sign of God’s undying love for us- even when we do forget to say that little prayer before we run out the door to work.
During this Christmas season, remember that every twig, blade of grass (or pine straw), and every smile you see is another sign of God’s undying love for us. God loves us so much, that even in the midst of turmoil and rejection, he still sent us a shoot in the stump of Jesse to save us from ourselves. That shoot came in the form of a precious baby boy who changed the world then, and continues to do so now.
Christ-mas.... the coming of Christ. I recent wrote a devotion for my church's advent devotion book and I think it pertains to this topic pretty closely. This devotion is based on Issaiah 11:1-9 which says,
"A shoot shall come out from the stump of Jesse, and a branch shall grow out of his roots. 2The spirit of the Lord shall rest on him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. 3His delight shall be in the fear of the Lord. He shall not judge by what his eyes see, or decide by what his ears hear; 4but with righteousness he shall judge the poor, and decide with equity for the meek of the earth; he shall strike the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips he shall kill the wicked. 5Righteousness shall be the belt around his waist, and faithfulness the belt around his loins. 6The wolf shall live with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the kid, the calf and the lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them. 7The cow and the bear shall graze, their young shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. 8The nursing child shall play over the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put its hand on the adder’s den. 9They will not hurt or destroy on all my holy mountain; for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea. "
Before the time of Jesus Christ, the world was in a sense of upheaval. Israelites, after being freed from the Egyptians and settling into their new lands, forgot God (Psalm 106:21) and believed that their hand and work had brought them their fruits and to this new land (Exod. 3: 7-8). As they continued on in their lives, all calls from God were ignored and they didn’t “do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God (Micah 6:8)”. Even with warnings from God’s prophets, the Israelites still turned a blind eye to their deliverer. Through all of the turmoil and rejection, God never left his children. Isaiah 11:1-9 tells of a shoot that will rise from the stump of Jesse, bringing new life with it. This shoot will bring light into the world through the spirit, making all things good again.
Thankfully for the Israelites, this shoot is so much more than a twig coming out of stump. This shoot is a representation of Jesus Christ, himself. JESUS will come into the world and the SPIRIT of the LORD will rest on HIM. JESUS will not judge others by what he sees or hears, but by righteousness and justice. JESUS will strike the earth with the rod from his mouth and breath from his lips. The world will finally know PEACE.
We are not too different from the Israelites. Our focus has been put on the drama at work, trying to find new ways to pay the bills that don’t seem to stop pouring in, or maybe those exams that are not too far away. We have it in our heads that we have to do everything single-handedly and there is just no way out. We forget to say a quick prayer in the morning because we are so focused on what has to be done that day, and we are so exhausted at the end of the night that we just fall into bed without another thought. Just as the Israelites did, we are turning a blind eye to God. God won’t leave us though! In fact, he will even give us his one and only son, our LORD to help to guide us through the day. Through Jesus, just like the Israelites, we will find justice, mercy, and peace. If and when we live our lives through Jesus, we will find a way to make it through the day. Things may not always be perfect, but no matter what, we will always have Jesus Christ as a sign of God’s undying love for us- even when we do forget to say that little prayer before we run out the door to work.
During this Christmas season, remember that every twig, blade of grass (or pine straw), and every smile you see is another sign of God’s undying love for us. God loves us so much, that even in the midst of turmoil and rejection, he still sent us a shoot in the stump of Jesse to save us from ourselves. That shoot came in the form of a precious baby boy who changed the world then, and continues to do so now.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Happiness
Happiness. It is the key to a good life. But how do we get there???
Recent discussions with Bobby and at Guinness have kept me thinking about this. It is also something that I finally feel like I have a good grasp on and begin to talk about it personally.
Happiness is very different for everyone. For some people, happiness is being able to go to an amusement park and ride roller coasters all day, or spend lots of money, or stay curled up in bed with your dog. Happiness can be spending time with your loved ones, or staying as far away from them as possible. I think one central thing to everyone’s happiness, is that they keep God at the center of it.
Every time that I find myself stressed out beyond control, upset about the little things, and just plain miserable, I realize that I have taken my focus off of the most important aspect of my life- my faith. I have probably gotten “too busy” to take time to say a short prayer, even if it is “Hey God. Thanks!” and instead of opening my Bible for a quick second, I just threw it into the backseat to get it out of the way. As soon as I stop to say a prayer, “God, help me please” I begin to feel stress and misery melt away. My focus has been put on the very central and most important part of my life once again. I then do everything I can to keep going to God and life becomes controllable again, because at that point I know that I am not the one in control but HE is.
I think this is one reason that things have been so great with Bobby. We both make a point to keep God at the very center of our relationship. Our faiths, even though they are slightly different, are not something that we keep quiet and we discuss it regularly. I have also noticed that my relationship with my parents got that much stronger when I began openly talking to them about my faith as I grew up. I have always talked to them about it, but it was different when I began coming into my own beliefs and figuring out my life.
So… key #1 to happiness?? Keep God at the very center of everything. I talk about this all the time on here, but that is because I think it is the most important thing that a person can do for themselves. Now, I am not saying that saying “God, please help me” is going to solve all of life’s problems because he isn’t going to hand you the answers on a silver platter, but if you take that first step and begin working in that way, you will be on the right path.
My step #2? Live your life for YOU in addition to keeping God at the center. You are the first person that you need to take care of because if you are not taken care of, how can you take care of someone else? It took me 21 years to learn this. Last year I finally came to my senses when I realized I was living my life in accordance with what one guy thought. The worst part was he wasn’t even a guy that cared! When I was on my way home after a long day, I broke down and realized that I was falling apart because I never thought about myself and I was always trying to make everyone else happy. That day, I let it all go and began living for ME. That led me to finally getting those seminary applications mailed, realizing that it was ok to talk to leave music and forget what others thought, and I even started dating Bobby (best decision I have ever made for myself!). Now? I am happier than I have ever been. Sure, my family has their comments about obvious parts of my life, but that leads into part two of step #2.
IF THEY LOVE YOU, THEY WILL WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. People will understand that you need to live for YOU and if they really love you, they will want you to be happy. Sometimes people won’t agree with you (ok… all the time), but that is their own problem. If you are truly happy, then go for it!! They will get over it in time.
Keep these in your mind. Find your happiness. Never let go of God. If you do lose focus on God at some point, it’s ok. He loves you and will never lose focus on you or leave you. Just say a quick prayer, and keep smiling!
Recent discussions with Bobby and at Guinness have kept me thinking about this. It is also something that I finally feel like I have a good grasp on and begin to talk about it personally.
Happiness is very different for everyone. For some people, happiness is being able to go to an amusement park and ride roller coasters all day, or spend lots of money, or stay curled up in bed with your dog. Happiness can be spending time with your loved ones, or staying as far away from them as possible. I think one central thing to everyone’s happiness, is that they keep God at the center of it.
Every time that I find myself stressed out beyond control, upset about the little things, and just plain miserable, I realize that I have taken my focus off of the most important aspect of my life- my faith. I have probably gotten “too busy” to take time to say a short prayer, even if it is “Hey God. Thanks!” and instead of opening my Bible for a quick second, I just threw it into the backseat to get it out of the way. As soon as I stop to say a prayer, “God, help me please” I begin to feel stress and misery melt away. My focus has been put on the very central and most important part of my life once again. I then do everything I can to keep going to God and life becomes controllable again, because at that point I know that I am not the one in control but HE is.
I think this is one reason that things have been so great with Bobby. We both make a point to keep God at the very center of our relationship. Our faiths, even though they are slightly different, are not something that we keep quiet and we discuss it regularly. I have also noticed that my relationship with my parents got that much stronger when I began openly talking to them about my faith as I grew up. I have always talked to them about it, but it was different when I began coming into my own beliefs and figuring out my life.
So… key #1 to happiness?? Keep God at the very center of everything. I talk about this all the time on here, but that is because I think it is the most important thing that a person can do for themselves. Now, I am not saying that saying “God, please help me” is going to solve all of life’s problems because he isn’t going to hand you the answers on a silver platter, but if you take that first step and begin working in that way, you will be on the right path.
My step #2? Live your life for YOU in addition to keeping God at the center. You are the first person that you need to take care of because if you are not taken care of, how can you take care of someone else? It took me 21 years to learn this. Last year I finally came to my senses when I realized I was living my life in accordance with what one guy thought. The worst part was he wasn’t even a guy that cared! When I was on my way home after a long day, I broke down and realized that I was falling apart because I never thought about myself and I was always trying to make everyone else happy. That day, I let it all go and began living for ME. That led me to finally getting those seminary applications mailed, realizing that it was ok to talk to leave music and forget what others thought, and I even started dating Bobby (best decision I have ever made for myself!). Now? I am happier than I have ever been. Sure, my family has their comments about obvious parts of my life, but that leads into part two of step #2.
IF THEY LOVE YOU, THEY WILL WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. People will understand that you need to live for YOU and if they really love you, they will want you to be happy. Sometimes people won’t agree with you (ok… all the time), but that is their own problem. If you are truly happy, then go for it!! They will get over it in time.
Keep these in your mind. Find your happiness. Never let go of God. If you do lose focus on God at some point, it’s ok. He loves you and will never lose focus on you or leave you. Just say a quick prayer, and keep smiling!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Standards
I think its interesting what we tend to do to ourselves when something good happens. Everyone has their own standards for themselves... but what is more interesting is our reactions when we don't meet those standards. Here is my own example- I did really well on my first student teaching observation and felt great about everything, but yesterday when I still did well, I didn't do as well. I was annoyed, ticked off, angry, and just plain upset. The thing is, I still did really well and my grade really isn't affected at all, but it was the fact that I didn't meet my own standard.
We are all so hard on ourselves about everything. We feel that we have to be perfect to make others happy, and if we aren't perfect than we aren't happy for ourselves. Here is what I remembered last night though when I finally let go of the anger and tried to figure out exactly why I was so upset...
WE set the standards for ourselves. NOT God and NOT Jesus. They love us no matter what with an unconditional love that a B instead of an A can't change. They only want us to be happy and to live for them, but WE are the ones that put all of the roadblocks in the way that keep us from being happy. We surround ourselves with the people that will put pressure on us to always meet the standards, or will set them for us, when we should surround ourselves with the people who love us exactly as we are and don't need us to meet some standard for that love to stay constant.
I was telling myself that I just wanted to know that I did my absolute best and that I could really do this teaching thing, that I wasn't "leaving" it because I wasn't good but because I really felt called to something else. Here is the thing though- I do my absolute best every single day and I know that I can teach well. I DO feel called to a ministry that DOES incorporate teaching so I am not running away at all, but rather putting a new spin on it. Even better, I know that NO MATTER WHAT, I am loved unconditionally by the one who matters most.
Just an early morning thought... now go out and have a great day, and don't worry if not everything goes your way!
We are all so hard on ourselves about everything. We feel that we have to be perfect to make others happy, and if we aren't perfect than we aren't happy for ourselves. Here is what I remembered last night though when I finally let go of the anger and tried to figure out exactly why I was so upset...
WE set the standards for ourselves. NOT God and NOT Jesus. They love us no matter what with an unconditional love that a B instead of an A can't change. They only want us to be happy and to live for them, but WE are the ones that put all of the roadblocks in the way that keep us from being happy. We surround ourselves with the people that will put pressure on us to always meet the standards, or will set them for us, when we should surround ourselves with the people who love us exactly as we are and don't need us to meet some standard for that love to stay constant.
I was telling myself that I just wanted to know that I did my absolute best and that I could really do this teaching thing, that I wasn't "leaving" it because I wasn't good but because I really felt called to something else. Here is the thing though- I do my absolute best every single day and I know that I can teach well. I DO feel called to a ministry that DOES incorporate teaching so I am not running away at all, but rather putting a new spin on it. Even better, I know that NO MATTER WHAT, I am loved unconditionally by the one who matters most.
Just an early morning thought... now go out and have a great day, and don't worry if not everything goes your way!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Almost there...
My cap and gown (while still in plastic) are hanging in my closet.
My taskstream portfolio is almost complete.
The apartment is gradually emptying as I throw out the trash I have accumulated over the last year and a half.
My room in Raleigh is almost ready.
We are well on our way in the cleaning process of concert music.
I have gone before and been endorsed by session to begin the inquirer process.
It is finally that time, after 22 years of waiting. I am less than two months away from graduation. So what is next? Who knows. I have put in applications for substitute teaching, I have thought about just teaching lessons, and I have thought about just taking it easy for a few months. Either way, I am finally almost out of here.
It is crazy to see this chapter of my life come to a close in what seems like a whirlwind at this point. I keep finding myself think back to freshman year when I was able to stay up til 3am and wake up at 6am and my concerns revolved around boys and finding a practice room. Now, I go to bed at 10pm at the latest and my concerns are finishing taskstream and writing papers between completing lesson plans and figuring out how to fix my student's problems. Now, it does help that I do have an incredible boyfriend so the whole "boys" concern has disappeared... but it still wouldn't be a focus at this point. It is scary how your priorities change over 4 years in college.
The only thing I do know about what is next is that it will be awesome. I have 6 months between graduation from UNCG and starting class at Union PS to do "whatever" I want. I have 6 months to get life in order before I take a 180-turn and begin seminary after completing two music degrees. I have 6 months to focus on my personal devotions, searches, and discernment before I go back to doing the studying and reading for someone else. Why do I have the feeling that those 6 months will be life changing?? Other than the not so exciting fact of moving back to live with my parents (I love that I will be close to my family, but I am 22 and don't want to be watched all the time).
Lots to think about and get excited about, but also lots to keep a focus on for now. One thing is for sure... 4 1/2 years of work are all wrapping up before my eyes.
My taskstream portfolio is almost complete.
The apartment is gradually emptying as I throw out the trash I have accumulated over the last year and a half.
My room in Raleigh is almost ready.
We are well on our way in the cleaning process of concert music.
I have gone before and been endorsed by session to begin the inquirer process.
It is finally that time, after 22 years of waiting. I am less than two months away from graduation. So what is next? Who knows. I have put in applications for substitute teaching, I have thought about just teaching lessons, and I have thought about just taking it easy for a few months. Either way, I am finally almost out of here.
It is crazy to see this chapter of my life come to a close in what seems like a whirlwind at this point. I keep finding myself think back to freshman year when I was able to stay up til 3am and wake up at 6am and my concerns revolved around boys and finding a practice room. Now, I go to bed at 10pm at the latest and my concerns are finishing taskstream and writing papers between completing lesson plans and figuring out how to fix my student's problems. Now, it does help that I do have an incredible boyfriend so the whole "boys" concern has disappeared... but it still wouldn't be a focus at this point. It is scary how your priorities change over 4 years in college.
The only thing I do know about what is next is that it will be awesome. I have 6 months between graduation from UNCG and starting class at Union PS to do "whatever" I want. I have 6 months to get life in order before I take a 180-turn and begin seminary after completing two music degrees. I have 6 months to focus on my personal devotions, searches, and discernment before I go back to doing the studying and reading for someone else. Why do I have the feeling that those 6 months will be life changing?? Other than the not so exciting fact of moving back to live with my parents (I love that I will be close to my family, but I am 22 and don't want to be watched all the time).
Lots to think about and get excited about, but also lots to keep a focus on for now. One thing is for sure... 4 1/2 years of work are all wrapping up before my eyes.
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