Something I have really been wrestling with and discerning is my call to ministry, especially since it changed. I don't know what it was that hit me over the head tonight, but I think I might need some ice to make the swelling go away. I am so incredibly tired of planning everything out based off of what I think each person needs. I am tired of trying to make sure that everyone is happy and comfy, because quite frankly, religion and faith aint so comfy. I am not called to build up a huge congregation with 50 programs a week and a butt in every empty spot on Sunday morning. I am called to reach out and work beside other Christians in the development of their faith and love of God. I think the biggest problem facing today's church is that we are all so focused and bringing more people in and keeping the church from dieing, that we ignore the people that are already there. We create new programs to get the college students, but deny our older generations. We bring in Alpha and Disciple studies to reach out to the adults in the surrounding community, and forget that we have young children. What looks more appealing to a visitor anyway? A long list of programs led by half-hearted leaders who aren't sure they even believe what they are teaching or a group of strong, faithful people that know, live, and share Christ's love?
Something stands out to me about a conversation I had with an older lady as I filled out her monogramming order one day at work. We were talking about church (exactly what always happened when my customers found out I was going seminary- long lists of involvement, or why they weren't involved, and stories, and complaints...) and what I felt called to (at the time, family and youth). She said that she loved that I had such a passion for ministry and youth, but to please not forget the old ladies of the church. Her concern was genuine, and came from the fact that everyone was always so worried about their (already enormous) youth and young adult program, that the old ladies had been pushed to the side and were fending for themselves. The minister had assumed that they knew everything they needed to know and didn't need formal study and had moved all time and budget down a few generations. I hate that I passed this off when she said it, taking it as just another complaint about church and "they just don't understand", but it keeps coming back and hitting me between the eyes.
So, yes, I am still called to family ministry as I continue to think about it. I am called to minister to the family that is the body of Christ. Old, new, fat, skinny, rich, poor, retired, students, black, white, homosexual, heterosexual, Presbyterian, Baptist, Agnostic, Atheist. I am called to help light the fire in each person, because the surveys and plans and cheap come-ons mean nothing if there is no heart or faith behind it.
This weekend I helped a friend with a lock-in at a very small country church. Rather than leaving as soon as Sunday School started, we stayed for worship... something I dreaded beforehand knowing how tired I was, but really appreciated after. There is something I have noticed about these small churches out in the middle of nowhere (I have been to a few since I got here)... they are the ones that those of us in big cities with big churches would say were dieing. One building, tiny sanctuary that isn't filled, and you can count the youth on two hands most of the time. But they are also the most alive out of any church I have been to in the last few months. I have visited huge churches downtown, medium size neighborhood churches, dieing churches in the historic areas, and these tiny country churches. I have seen long lists of things they do throughout the week, I have watched two and three preachers rotate through the pulpit in one service. I have heard incredible organs and huge choirs, and I have heard out of tune pianos with even worse choirs. Where did I feel the most love, community, and most importantly, faith? The tiny, one pulpit, one preacher, out of tune piano and choir churches.
I had to laugh at myself this summer when I got of the car in a gravel parking lot and walked into a sanctuary where the most dressed up someone was, was a polo and jeans. What was I wearing? My black heels, black pencil skirt, purple knit top, hair neatly pulled back, and perfect makeup. The people in these churches know what is important- community and faith. I went to impress, thinking that my skirt and heels would win them over and they would be begging me to come back and eventually intern... they never once looked at that though. They looked me in the eye and heart, and welcomed me with more love than I have yet to receive at all of the other churches combined.
Now, this isn't me bashing big city churches because that is really where I have ended up. I just think that we can all learn something from these tiny churches who have put the focus on growing in faith and love and then building out through that faith and love, rather than building out so they can build in. I want to focus on the building in.
It has become all to apparent to me lately that I don't know my Bible content. I don't know polity. I really don't know much at all about this whole church thing. As embarrassed as I am about this, I have to say it to make a point- on Sunday, we were studying James in Sunday School. When I couldn't find it, I handed it to my friend saying I hadn't taken Old Testament yet so he could find it (jokingly)... he then turned to the back of the New Testament. I am in seminary and didn't know where James was. James... the brother of Jesus. Why? Because when I was growing up and at the age when I would actually retain what we were learning, the focus seemed to be on doing all the fun stuff... games, outings, retreats, lock-ins... anything and everything but really digging down deep and studying the Bible and what it meant to our faith. When I was really getting into that, the youth group fell apart after and we left the church. At my new church, the focus was using us to get more kids there and grow... not on building our faith and knowledge. So yes, I am 23 years old, in seminary, and don't know where to find certain books in the Bible. Crazy thing? There are probably 60 year olds out there that can't do it either.
SO... yes, I am called to family ministry in the sense that I am called to and plan to serve and minister to and grow with the entire church body. I am called to help all ages and all people study and learn of God's love for each and every one of us. Why should the minister be the only one in the church who can pass a Bible Content exam? Why should a minister be the only one to recognize their call? Why should they be the only one that can tell people of the marvelous things God is doing in their life? We are all ministers and called to do God's work in a multitude of ways. It is my call to help others learn, grow, and discern that call through God's grace, will, and love. That might be with youth for a while, or as a missionary, or in the pulpit, or out on the streets, or in a hospital, or college... who knows. All I know is I am called to serve and minister to ALL people with, through, and in God's love and grace.
