I am half reading a book right now (only half because I just really don’t want to do much “academic” stuff right now…) by Susan E. Isaacs called “Angry Conversations with God”. I knew nothing about it when I picked it up except that it was free and I wanted to be doing something other than Greek before I went to bed at night, but after reading the first few pages I was hooked. Something about being extremely blunt and straight forward with God is very appealing to me.
Forgive me if this is a re-write of sorts of an old post (honestly I don’t keep track of them, I just write what is on my mind), but I am a huge fan of the being real with God. Yes, he is God and yes, he is just slightly important, but that doesn’t mean that you have to always be loving and happy and the world is perfect with him. Some of my best nights for sleeping have been after I completely unloaded on God, everything that was good and bad, tears, maybe a bit of cursing here and there, and just saying what was really on my mind. Things that you can’t tell to your friends or family, or maybe just don’t even want to say out loud- he knows them all, so why not take advantage of the fact that he is always loving and already knows it, and just finally say it?
Well, the premise of this book is that this girl feels like while God loves everyone, he has deserted her. A lady from church reminds her that her relationship with God is like a marriage, so the main character (Susan, I believe) takes God to marriage counseling. Crazy concept, but very interesting… Well, she sits down with a counselor and personifies God in conversations as she works out what is going on. It get’s brutal at points. I love it.
All of this is a reminder to me to not block out the things that are wrong in life. Every night I try to make a point to pray before I go to sleep and I go through the ACTS thing that I learned growing up (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication) which is very helpful, but where is there room to vent? “God, you are great. I screwed up today. Thanks for everything. Amen.” Really?? How often is that really what you want to say to God? How often is life good enough that you can completely ignore all the crap throughout the day (sorry to be so blunt, but isn’t that what this about?)? I think it does us all some good to completely let go and put it all out there.
Last night, I had a very enjoyable dinner and evening with one of my best friends. We talked about everything, really. However, I am sure I wasn’t the only one that may have held a few things back during parts of the conversation. 2+ hours of being completely open, but not. There are just some things that no one wants to say out loud because we might be ashamed, or maybe it just makes it too real, or maybe it just hurts. While we would like to think that we can be 100% open with our friends, we know that we never are. However, with God, you can be and you should be. Trust me, he can handle it.
So, all this being said, I am sure there are some people that are still saying that you can’t yell at God or be angry with him, you should fear him and never cross that road. This is my response- when you get in an argument with someone, don’t you ask them to change something, or take some action to help you in some way? Don’t you ask for guidance in some way or for forgiveness? So really, by venting and handing it all over to God, you are first and foremost handing over all control and recognizing that God is the one who is control, but you are asking him to take control. In a way, you are showing how much you adore him by giving him everything. You are making yourself humble and fully available to God. You are being completely earnest. You are taking part in the only REAL relationship in your life, one that is so much more than a marriage but that seems to be the best way for us to describe it.
So, here is my challenge to you- be REAL with God. Let it all out and get it off of your chest- hand over all control! After all, he knows it all anyway and is already in control, but your recognition of that will do a world of good for both you and your relationship with God. Plus, you feel better! A little less stress, a little more relief. You can approach your earthly relationships with a bigger smile, and who knows, maybe the REAL approach will slowly start to blend in with these other relationships and that could do some really crazy stuff to strengthen them and make them that much better!
Don’t be afraid to change your ACTS up sometimes… “Anger, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication” aint all that bad really. But never forget the straight forward adoration… that’s always a good thing ;)
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Make Good Choices
A few months ago I decided it was time to sit down and really look at who I am and who I want to be. This led to a whole lot of thought and prayer and some tough decisions, but at this point I know it was all for the better. The changes range from being a little more honest with people (I tended to be honest when I was annoyed, or when it would make someone happy.. never when it would hurt someone but was necessary) to being a little more patient.
It was hard to start this process because it meant coming clean with a few people about different things. I never like hurting people, even in very small ways. For me, the perfect world is where everyone gets along and sings Disney songs all day (huh... kinda like we do here!). I would do anything and everything in my power to make sure that this would happen, unless of course you just annoyed me and then it was on. Not something I am necessarily proud of. So now, I am getting a lot better at just being upfront. Something that is very key in ministry is being able to be honest even when it is hard because you can't really help someone if you lie to them... even if it does make them happier to hear that lie. I still struggle at times, but I also am not put in many situations right now where I need to worry about it. I think it helps that I am now in a community of very open and honest people!
I have also had to really work on patience. Going back to the whole honest when annoyed, I get annoyed purely because I'm not a terribly patient person. Going off of that, I think I am mostly impatient when it comes to things that I think are stupid. Knowing that, I have tried to change my perception of things like that. A few weeks ago, I participated in a workshop through Communities of Learning, in which we did an exercise where we went in a circle and said "Namaste" to each person. This basically means "I see the Christ in you" and other than being terribly awkward at first, really got me thinking. If I were to go back to the student lounge in the music building and take the viewpoint of trying to find Christ in each person, would I have been a bit more patient with the "stupidity"? Probably. I might have seen that these people weren't really being "stupid", but I would have seen it as a quirk and learned to appreciate it. There were some that I did appreciate these quirks, but the exact same quirks really grated on my nerves with others. That being said, I have really tried to look at the things that used to bug me about people and situations and find Christ in them, or see how they can help me grow and aid in my ministry. After waiting for megabus for an hour without any notification of it being late, and then having people push in front of me to get on the bus or load up their luggage, I joked to my Dad that this was just a test and was preparing my patience level for when I am in a church. Thinking back now, I don't think that was so much a joke as it was just an observation!
All of this being said, I can't help but quote a Max Lucado book (he is my all time favorite author), When God Whispers Your Name. In chapter 11 (yes... go look it up, NOW), Lucado discusses the choices we have make throughout the day. Since it would be way too much to try to type it all up, and I'm sure it is against the law in some way, the final paragraph of the chapter is this...
"Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, i will place my head on my pillow and rest." (When God Whispers Your Name, Max Lucado. 1994. p73)
When I was reading this book last summer during my final week of Summer in the City, I couldn't help but read it to the kids and point out that we all make choices every day and the thing that matters most is do we keep Christ in those choices. I seemed to forget that until this summer when I started re-evaluating things. The funny thing is, ever since I made a point to take this approach I am happier, less stressed, and haven't come across a single person I really didn't like.
Now, my challenge to you is this- make your choices, and keep Christ in them. Maybe that guy in the break room isn't really as bad as you think. Why don't you really look into his eyes and find Christ in him, and be a little more patient and kind... you might just have a new best friend! But if you can't do it right away, know that God loves you no matter what. That aint an excuse not to try though!
So, as my friend Ben likes to say, "Make good choices!"
It was hard to start this process because it meant coming clean with a few people about different things. I never like hurting people, even in very small ways. For me, the perfect world is where everyone gets along and sings Disney songs all day (huh... kinda like we do here!). I would do anything and everything in my power to make sure that this would happen, unless of course you just annoyed me and then it was on. Not something I am necessarily proud of. So now, I am getting a lot better at just being upfront. Something that is very key in ministry is being able to be honest even when it is hard because you can't really help someone if you lie to them... even if it does make them happier to hear that lie. I still struggle at times, but I also am not put in many situations right now where I need to worry about it. I think it helps that I am now in a community of very open and honest people!
I have also had to really work on patience. Going back to the whole honest when annoyed, I get annoyed purely because I'm not a terribly patient person. Going off of that, I think I am mostly impatient when it comes to things that I think are stupid. Knowing that, I have tried to change my perception of things like that. A few weeks ago, I participated in a workshop through Communities of Learning, in which we did an exercise where we went in a circle and said "Namaste" to each person. This basically means "I see the Christ in you" and other than being terribly awkward at first, really got me thinking. If I were to go back to the student lounge in the music building and take the viewpoint of trying to find Christ in each person, would I have been a bit more patient with the "stupidity"? Probably. I might have seen that these people weren't really being "stupid", but I would have seen it as a quirk and learned to appreciate it. There were some that I did appreciate these quirks, but the exact same quirks really grated on my nerves with others. That being said, I have really tried to look at the things that used to bug me about people and situations and find Christ in them, or see how they can help me grow and aid in my ministry. After waiting for megabus for an hour without any notification of it being late, and then having people push in front of me to get on the bus or load up their luggage, I joked to my Dad that this was just a test and was preparing my patience level for when I am in a church. Thinking back now, I don't think that was so much a joke as it was just an observation!
All of this being said, I can't help but quote a Max Lucado book (he is my all time favorite author), When God Whispers Your Name. In chapter 11 (yes... go look it up, NOW), Lucado discusses the choices we have make throughout the day. Since it would be way too much to try to type it all up, and I'm sure it is against the law in some way, the final paragraph of the chapter is this...
"Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, i will place my head on my pillow and rest." (When God Whispers Your Name, Max Lucado. 1994. p73)
When I was reading this book last summer during my final week of Summer in the City, I couldn't help but read it to the kids and point out that we all make choices every day and the thing that matters most is do we keep Christ in those choices. I seemed to forget that until this summer when I started re-evaluating things. The funny thing is, ever since I made a point to take this approach I am happier, less stressed, and haven't come across a single person I really didn't like.
Now, my challenge to you is this- make your choices, and keep Christ in them. Maybe that guy in the break room isn't really as bad as you think. Why don't you really look into his eyes and find Christ in him, and be a little more patient and kind... you might just have a new best friend! But if you can't do it right away, know that God loves you no matter what. That aint an excuse not to try though!
So, as my friend Ben likes to say, "Make good choices!"
Monday, August 29, 2011
There is no place like home...
One of the most famous movie quotes comes from the Wizard of Oz, “there is no place like home”. After this past week, I can say there are a thousand different meanings behind that! I am now on my way back to Richmond after spending just over a week back home in Raleigh and realizing just how much I did and didn’t miss it.
Quick run down of the week-
Got home last Saturday and was greeted by my oldest niece, Addison, as she ran up the stairs, arms out stretched, and yelling my name. I have never loved a hug that much! So I spent Saturday and Sunday helping my parents take care of my nieces until my sister and brother-in-law got back from New Orleans. I don’t know how my parents managed having them Thursday-Sunday if I was that exhausted after only 24 hours!
Monday, I got to go out to lunch with Mom and do some shopping before going to have dinner with two of my favorite Santa’s (alright… my two favorite) and hear them and Daddy tell stories at the Laurinburg Story Tellers Guild. Very cool thing.
Tuesday, I got to see my cousin Nancy and my Great Aunt Doris since they were visiting my grandparents. This was awesome anyway, but then I got to experience my first earthquake with Nancy who lives in Washington state… needless to say this wasn’t as exciting for her as it was for me!
Wednesday, I caught up with a life long friend and got to go to another dinner with about 12 santas. Yes… this really is what I do on my break!
Thursday, I got to be with my nieces once again and once again, Addison made my day when she saw me and yelled out “Jord!” and gave me a big hug (I have been upgraded from “Jrory”). Got to catch up with my former supervisor and friend over lunch and then CRASH.
Friday was another catch up day with coffee with a friend from Middle school on, and lunch with my sister.
Saturday was Irene. No power in the morning, it came back on, and it was out again. Thankfully we didn’t get as much damage (really none) but the storm did stay overhead for 12 hours. Yay, Raleigh.
Sunday, I got to go to Greensboro for church at Starmount. It was great to see everyone again and catch up with my family there, not to mention Nancy and Doris went as well so I got to see them one more time. Lots of time in the car with Mom which was awesome.
Now, I am on megabus heading back north and more than ready to be there. I love my family and already miss my cat terribly, but it is kinda crazy going back. I now need a break to recover from my break! We went through the good and bad this week with plumbing issues, exhaustion, and lots of smiles and laughs. I loved every second, but also missed Richmond. Wednesday went by without my Chipotle date with Daniel and Luke, and when I got bored I couldn’t go bang on their door upstairs to bother them or Christopher. Also, I was hearing about all of the mess going on in Richmond between the earthquake, thunderstorms, and hurricane. I have no idea what I am walking into when I get back, but I am ready for it.
Two weeks from today I will start my first class for the fall. In a way, my first seminary class (while greek counts, we never really did much beyond translations). It is such an exciting time! For now though, I will help people move in, make new friends, look forward to seeing the old (Luke and Daniel better get back soon cause I need Chipotle!), and try to get everything in order for class.
It was really great seeing everyone this week! If I didn’t see you, know that I was thinking about you with everything going on. Hopefully I’ll be back before Thanksgiving, but I won’t make promises on that one. You will definitely know when I head that way again though!
Off to the land of limited sweet tea now! And they call themselves the south…
Quick run down of the week-
Got home last Saturday and was greeted by my oldest niece, Addison, as she ran up the stairs, arms out stretched, and yelling my name. I have never loved a hug that much! So I spent Saturday and Sunday helping my parents take care of my nieces until my sister and brother-in-law got back from New Orleans. I don’t know how my parents managed having them Thursday-Sunday if I was that exhausted after only 24 hours!
Monday, I got to go out to lunch with Mom and do some shopping before going to have dinner with two of my favorite Santa’s (alright… my two favorite) and hear them and Daddy tell stories at the Laurinburg Story Tellers Guild. Very cool thing.
Tuesday, I got to see my cousin Nancy and my Great Aunt Doris since they were visiting my grandparents. This was awesome anyway, but then I got to experience my first earthquake with Nancy who lives in Washington state… needless to say this wasn’t as exciting for her as it was for me!
Wednesday, I caught up with a life long friend and got to go to another dinner with about 12 santas. Yes… this really is what I do on my break!
Thursday, I got to be with my nieces once again and once again, Addison made my day when she saw me and yelled out “Jord!” and gave me a big hug (I have been upgraded from “Jrory”). Got to catch up with my former supervisor and friend over lunch and then CRASH.
Friday was another catch up day with coffee with a friend from Middle school on, and lunch with my sister.
Saturday was Irene. No power in the morning, it came back on, and it was out again. Thankfully we didn’t get as much damage (really none) but the storm did stay overhead for 12 hours. Yay, Raleigh.
Sunday, I got to go to Greensboro for church at Starmount. It was great to see everyone again and catch up with my family there, not to mention Nancy and Doris went as well so I got to see them one more time. Lots of time in the car with Mom which was awesome.
Now, I am on megabus heading back north and more than ready to be there. I love my family and already miss my cat terribly, but it is kinda crazy going back. I now need a break to recover from my break! We went through the good and bad this week with plumbing issues, exhaustion, and lots of smiles and laughs. I loved every second, but also missed Richmond. Wednesday went by without my Chipotle date with Daniel and Luke, and when I got bored I couldn’t go bang on their door upstairs to bother them or Christopher. Also, I was hearing about all of the mess going on in Richmond between the earthquake, thunderstorms, and hurricane. I have no idea what I am walking into when I get back, but I am ready for it.
Two weeks from today I will start my first class for the fall. In a way, my first seminary class (while greek counts, we never really did much beyond translations). It is such an exciting time! For now though, I will help people move in, make new friends, look forward to seeing the old (Luke and Daniel better get back soon cause I need Chipotle!), and try to get everything in order for class.
It was really great seeing everyone this week! If I didn’t see you, know that I was thinking about you with everything going on. Hopefully I’ll be back before Thanksgiving, but I won’t make promises on that one. You will definitely know when I head that way again though!
Off to the land of limited sweet tea now! And they call themselves the south…
Friday, August 19, 2011
Refreshing
You know that funny arrow at the top of your browser that you click on and you get to see your web page again, all nice and new? Yea... that's the one I keep clicking on right now. This morning I brought the past seven weeks to an end with the final exam for Greek. What a crazy concept that I am done now! This has been the longest seven weeks of my life and probably the most rewarding. Not that long ago, I couldn't make any since of those funny looking things in my pretty blue New Testament (the only thing I did understand was the latin on the front telling me that it was the New Testament), now I can read it and make sense of a lot of it.
I look back on the blogs and see the number of times I mentioned something about how you can do anything with God, and I think today proved that. I think a lot of the time I was more saying that for me as a reminder or to maybe convince myself, because in all honesty, there were some times I wasn't so sure it was true (I am sure we have all had those moments). Kinda like when you were high school and liked someone but kept putting out reasons why you couldn't, in hopes that you might actually believe it one day and get over them. Yea, same thing here. But it IS true and you CAN do ANYTHING when you let God take control. Even Greek.
So at this point, I have put my books on my bookshelf and mixed them in with the others and thrown my flashcards right beside my notebook on the bottom shelf. It is time to hit "refresh" on my life, and that began this afternoon. I am very eagerly awaiting tomorrow morning when I hit the road to Raleigh for a week. When I get there, my nieces will be at my house and my parents will be all too ready to and them over to Aunt Jrory and I will be all too ready to take them! I can HOPEFULLY remember what it is like to have my sweet little kitten purring next to me all night (I bought her a toy today in hopes of bribing her), and I can relax and just enjoy myself without feeling guilty that I am not studying. I may or may not update on here (probably will since I will finally be able to think about things other than Greek), I may or may not even turn on my computer some days.
I think if I had learned nothing in Greek, I would have learned something this summer- I am truly blessed to have been given the opportunity to go down this road answering a call from God, and there is no greater blessing than a day with no studying!
Now, as I hit "refresh" for the thousandth time today as I wait for my grade, I'm going to hit "refresh" on my life. You do the same! There is something very refreshing about it...
oh no. I am on the right path... corny jokes that should never be said outloud... I knew I was called to be a minister. Unfortunately there is no congregation feeling obligated to laugh yet!
I look back on the blogs and see the number of times I mentioned something about how you can do anything with God, and I think today proved that. I think a lot of the time I was more saying that for me as a reminder or to maybe convince myself, because in all honesty, there were some times I wasn't so sure it was true (I am sure we have all had those moments). Kinda like when you were high school and liked someone but kept putting out reasons why you couldn't, in hopes that you might actually believe it one day and get over them. Yea, same thing here. But it IS true and you CAN do ANYTHING when you let God take control. Even Greek.
So at this point, I have put my books on my bookshelf and mixed them in with the others and thrown my flashcards right beside my notebook on the bottom shelf. It is time to hit "refresh" on my life, and that began this afternoon. I am very eagerly awaiting tomorrow morning when I hit the road to Raleigh for a week. When I get there, my nieces will be at my house and my parents will be all too ready to and them over to Aunt Jrory and I will be all too ready to take them! I can HOPEFULLY remember what it is like to have my sweet little kitten purring next to me all night (I bought her a toy today in hopes of bribing her), and I can relax and just enjoy myself without feeling guilty that I am not studying. I may or may not update on here (probably will since I will finally be able to think about things other than Greek), I may or may not even turn on my computer some days.
I think if I had learned nothing in Greek, I would have learned something this summer- I am truly blessed to have been given the opportunity to go down this road answering a call from God, and there is no greater blessing than a day with no studying!
Now, as I hit "refresh" for the thousandth time today as I wait for my grade, I'm going to hit "refresh" on my life. You do the same! There is something very refreshing about it...
oh no. I am on the right path... corny jokes that should never be said outloud... I knew I was called to be a minister. Unfortunately there is no congregation feeling obligated to laugh yet!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Black Heels and Jesus
There is something about a good pair of black heels. When you slip them on, your feet and legs automatically look about 300 times better, whatever you are wearing goes from “blah” to “oo-lah-lah”, and most importantly, your attitude completely changes. Sometimes they might kill your feet, but even then, you can’t help but have a small smirk as you walk down the street because you know (well… you like to pretend at least) that all eyes are on you because, let’s face it, you look good.
I got thinking about this earlier today as I was walking through the grocery store after church in my favorite heels and realized that I could really take this once-a-week special confidence somewhere. One of the scripture readings in church this morning was the story of Jesus walking on the water and Peter’s struggle as he first walked on water but quickly doubted and broke the surface as he fell in, reaching out for Jesus and asking for his help.
When I was back at UNCG and in my education classes, they told the girls two key things for when they ended up in the school- if you don’t wear makeup now, start and go buy yourself a good pair of heels. The heels add confidence and take away doubt, a key thing when you are standing in front of a bunch of judgmental teenagers who are just waiting for you to crash and burn. It is that confidence and trust that Peter had as he stepped out of the boat and on to the water. It was as if Peter was wearing the best pair of black heels there was and was walking down the street, eyes looking directly ahead of him and probably shaking his hips just a bit. Then he made the mistake of looking in that big reflective window he was walking by and realized that maybe his hair didn’t look as good as he thought or saw that huge stain on his robe from lunch earlier that day and his confidence was shattered and he crashed into the water.
What happens next? Jesus comments on Peter’s doubt, not in a judgmental way, but more in a way that makes Peter realize that there really wasn’t a reason to. I mean, really, he was walking on water… obviously Jesus had something going on. It’s kinda like when you feel really great about something and then find the one flaw and let it all go- did someone else point out the flaw? Were you criticized in any way? Is it really anything that matters? Trust me, if you are walking down the street in your heels, people are paying attention to your confidence and not the out of place hair or stain at the edge of your shirt. Here is the awesome thing though, just like the heels eventually bring back our confidence and we start up the confidence once again, Jesus reaches out his hand to us and helps us up, just like he did with Peter.
We are expected to doubt, just as we are expected to have one or two flaws in the way we look everyday… if you don’t, then you are lying. We are expected to be unsure of things and ask questions, and we will always fall at some point. The important part is what do you do afterward? Are you going to just take the fall and struggle to stay above the water you were just walking on with the help of Jesus or are you going to recognize that you were only walking on water because of the help of and your confidence in Jesus? Think about Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”… there is never any reason to doubt yourself as long as you have Christ in your life and recognize his work in your life.
I will be the first to admit that I sometimes look to my gorgeous black heels to give me an extra push. All girls can relate that when they liked someone but weren’t quite getting the attention they wanted, they pulled out the heels. Even if the guy doesn’t notice the shoes (because let’s face it, they don’t), he is bound to notice that extra smile or confidence. The same is true when you have God in your life- even if you aren’t walking around with a huge cross around your neck or wearing a “Jesus is my Homeboy” t-shirt, people will notice the extra light in your life through your love and confidence.
So now, go get yourself a pair heels! And guys… I guess a bowtie?? Whatever does it for you, just make sure that WHEN you doubt, you turn to God and let him have control of your life (as he always should) because then and only then will you get back on top of the water where the world can see your awesome heels!
I got thinking about this earlier today as I was walking through the grocery store after church in my favorite heels and realized that I could really take this once-a-week special confidence somewhere. One of the scripture readings in church this morning was the story of Jesus walking on the water and Peter’s struggle as he first walked on water but quickly doubted and broke the surface as he fell in, reaching out for Jesus and asking for his help.
When I was back at UNCG and in my education classes, they told the girls two key things for when they ended up in the school- if you don’t wear makeup now, start and go buy yourself a good pair of heels. The heels add confidence and take away doubt, a key thing when you are standing in front of a bunch of judgmental teenagers who are just waiting for you to crash and burn. It is that confidence and trust that Peter had as he stepped out of the boat and on to the water. It was as if Peter was wearing the best pair of black heels there was and was walking down the street, eyes looking directly ahead of him and probably shaking his hips just a bit. Then he made the mistake of looking in that big reflective window he was walking by and realized that maybe his hair didn’t look as good as he thought or saw that huge stain on his robe from lunch earlier that day and his confidence was shattered and he crashed into the water.
What happens next? Jesus comments on Peter’s doubt, not in a judgmental way, but more in a way that makes Peter realize that there really wasn’t a reason to. I mean, really, he was walking on water… obviously Jesus had something going on. It’s kinda like when you feel really great about something and then find the one flaw and let it all go- did someone else point out the flaw? Were you criticized in any way? Is it really anything that matters? Trust me, if you are walking down the street in your heels, people are paying attention to your confidence and not the out of place hair or stain at the edge of your shirt. Here is the awesome thing though, just like the heels eventually bring back our confidence and we start up the confidence once again, Jesus reaches out his hand to us and helps us up, just like he did with Peter.
We are expected to doubt, just as we are expected to have one or two flaws in the way we look everyday… if you don’t, then you are lying. We are expected to be unsure of things and ask questions, and we will always fall at some point. The important part is what do you do afterward? Are you going to just take the fall and struggle to stay above the water you were just walking on with the help of Jesus or are you going to recognize that you were only walking on water because of the help of and your confidence in Jesus? Think about Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”… there is never any reason to doubt yourself as long as you have Christ in your life and recognize his work in your life.
I will be the first to admit that I sometimes look to my gorgeous black heels to give me an extra push. All girls can relate that when they liked someone but weren’t quite getting the attention they wanted, they pulled out the heels. Even if the guy doesn’t notice the shoes (because let’s face it, they don’t), he is bound to notice that extra smile or confidence. The same is true when you have God in your life- even if you aren’t walking around with a huge cross around your neck or wearing a “Jesus is my Homeboy” t-shirt, people will notice the extra light in your life through your love and confidence.
So now, go get yourself a pair heels! And guys… I guess a bowtie?? Whatever does it for you, just make sure that WHEN you doubt, you turn to God and let him have control of your life (as he always should) because then and only then will you get back on top of the water where the world can see your awesome heels!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Seminary is really expensive!
I have been trying to come up with something to write about for over a week now. I figure it gets boring always hearing “life is great”, “Greek is Greek”… because really, as much as I would like to think that these next three years are going to be perfect and without their challenges (after all, I am at Seminary… God’s school… that would the be ideal right??), that aint the case.
Today, my Greek professor preached in chapel and as always I got thinking about what brought me here. However instead of telling us what we have coming down the road and how great it is that we are answering God’s call, and really just making us feel all warm and fuzzy inside, he took a note from Croy (the author of our textbook) and threw all those happy feelings into the sea. Michael challenged us to think about the cost of what we are doing, and not just the financial cost. Now, when I am already at breaking point with this studying thing and longing for a real day off when I am not even thinking about what I should be doing for class, this was not a welcome challenge since I knew it would probably push me over the edge (at least for the night… cause life really is too good here to truly be anything but happy).
So, what was my cost? Well, looking at the obvious, I spent multiple hours (I don’t even want to know how many) writing essays and filling out scholarship applications knowing that I would not be able to get here without them. I had to take out yet another student loan in addition to all that I have out from undergrad. I put my two music degrees that I worked so hard for, on the back burner. I haven’t really played trumpet since I got here with the exception of a weekly rehearsal and one chapel service. I passed on the possibilities of multiple teaching jobs that I think I could have interviewed for at the very least. I ended a year long relationship with a great person. I left my kitten, and basically my child, back with my parents. I left my two beautiful nieces in Wilson, and missed Emmalyn’s first birthday. I am now 3 hours away from my big sister if something were to happen to her again. No need to keep going…
Obviously, I have left a lot behind. It terrified me to do, and still gets to me on the nights when I really just don’t want to study anymore and would prefer to curl up in bed with Cali Lynn and she isn’t there. But here is the thing- I have come into so much! I have made such incredible friends here and begun an even more incredible journey. I am learning an ancient language that isn’t even available on google translator so that I can really dig down deep and begin to understand the Bible. Over the next three years I will put more time into studying than I ever did in undergrad, and I will learn more about my own history than I ever thought about before. I will work in hospitals, work with youth groups, teach Sunday school classes, and preach sermons. I will travel to places like Ghana or the Holy Lands. I will discern my call further and be tested to lengths that I never thought possible. And hopefully, God willing, I will be ordained at the end of it all and answer a call at a church and change a life maybe. That might be in Oban or it could be in the middle of Kansas. What it all boils down to is this- I will be answering God’s call.
We all have to do it at some point and it will definitely come with its challenges. Even though I finally made it here after what seemed like the longest wait in the world. I am still worrying about money as I stretch every last dollar I made selling luggage the last few months while I wait for scholarships to come at the end of the month. I am losing sleep while I stay up studying for tomorrow’s quiz. I am questioning things and struggling with the answers. I am learning my way around a new, and huge, city. I am finding out who I am now as I enter a whole new environment with completely different people. There have been tears on occasion, and I fully expect there to be more.
This is a very welcome challenge though, no matter what the cost. Because if I only know one thing after 23 years, it is this- God loves us and will never put us in a situation that we cannot handle, because no matter what he will be with us and he can handle anything. I can sit here and look back at what I left or I can look at what I have now and ahead of me. I think I like that option a whole lot more. I mean really, it all boils down to this…
Seminary is really expensive, but life is great and Greek is Greek… and that is alright with me :)
Today, my Greek professor preached in chapel and as always I got thinking about what brought me here. However instead of telling us what we have coming down the road and how great it is that we are answering God’s call, and really just making us feel all warm and fuzzy inside, he took a note from Croy (the author of our textbook) and threw all those happy feelings into the sea. Michael challenged us to think about the cost of what we are doing, and not just the financial cost. Now, when I am already at breaking point with this studying thing and longing for a real day off when I am not even thinking about what I should be doing for class, this was not a welcome challenge since I knew it would probably push me over the edge (at least for the night… cause life really is too good here to truly be anything but happy).
So, what was my cost? Well, looking at the obvious, I spent multiple hours (I don’t even want to know how many) writing essays and filling out scholarship applications knowing that I would not be able to get here without them. I had to take out yet another student loan in addition to all that I have out from undergrad. I put my two music degrees that I worked so hard for, on the back burner. I haven’t really played trumpet since I got here with the exception of a weekly rehearsal and one chapel service. I passed on the possibilities of multiple teaching jobs that I think I could have interviewed for at the very least. I ended a year long relationship with a great person. I left my kitten, and basically my child, back with my parents. I left my two beautiful nieces in Wilson, and missed Emmalyn’s first birthday. I am now 3 hours away from my big sister if something were to happen to her again. No need to keep going…
Obviously, I have left a lot behind. It terrified me to do, and still gets to me on the nights when I really just don’t want to study anymore and would prefer to curl up in bed with Cali Lynn and she isn’t there. But here is the thing- I have come into so much! I have made such incredible friends here and begun an even more incredible journey. I am learning an ancient language that isn’t even available on google translator so that I can really dig down deep and begin to understand the Bible. Over the next three years I will put more time into studying than I ever did in undergrad, and I will learn more about my own history than I ever thought about before. I will work in hospitals, work with youth groups, teach Sunday school classes, and preach sermons. I will travel to places like Ghana or the Holy Lands. I will discern my call further and be tested to lengths that I never thought possible. And hopefully, God willing, I will be ordained at the end of it all and answer a call at a church and change a life maybe. That might be in Oban or it could be in the middle of Kansas. What it all boils down to is this- I will be answering God’s call.
We all have to do it at some point and it will definitely come with its challenges. Even though I finally made it here after what seemed like the longest wait in the world. I am still worrying about money as I stretch every last dollar I made selling luggage the last few months while I wait for scholarships to come at the end of the month. I am losing sleep while I stay up studying for tomorrow’s quiz. I am questioning things and struggling with the answers. I am learning my way around a new, and huge, city. I am finding out who I am now as I enter a whole new environment with completely different people. There have been tears on occasion, and I fully expect there to be more.
This is a very welcome challenge though, no matter what the cost. Because if I only know one thing after 23 years, it is this- God loves us and will never put us in a situation that we cannot handle, because no matter what he will be with us and he can handle anything. I can sit here and look back at what I left or I can look at what I have now and ahead of me. I think I like that option a whole lot more. I mean really, it all boils down to this…
Seminary is really expensive, but life is great and Greek is Greek… and that is alright with me :)
Sunday, July 24, 2011
A stressful week brought to a nice close!
Oh, where to start?? Well, I am still keeping my head above water in greek but sometimes I feel like that is about all I am doing. I am beginning to think that even if I keep my schedule the same (which I won't- 3/4 required core classes should be spread out, not all in one year! many thanks to my friends who explained the whole registration thing to me!), it will be easier than this summer. I absolutely love greek, however trying to cram two semesters worth into one month is stressful to say the least! However, we are halfway through at this point!!
Another great part of being up here in Richmond is that once again I have been given a great opportunity to visit churches in the area while I look for a home away from home. I seem to have settled on one (Second Presbyterian)- great minister, great people, lots going on as far as mission at home, and a great youth program (the last two being my prime focus). Today, the minister finished up a sermon series on Romans 8 and it really got me thinking about what is going on in my life and the world.
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[a]
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This past week, in addition to the stress and struggle with greek, I took time to remember the life of two very important people- my Uncle Bob (who unfortunately I didn't really have much of an opportunity to get to know well since his family moved away when I was little, but who I still consider myself to have been close to) died a few years ago after a long battle with cancer, and one of my best friends, Hope (she died in a car accident ten years ago, only 2 days after her birthday). In addition to remembering these incredible people, but big losses, I have been reminded of the trouble that our country is in every time I turn on my tv. Every day I pray that nothing will happen with my sister that will put her back in the hospital and away from her husband and girls, meanwhile, I got a call yesterday that had me on edge for a while when I was told her neighborhood had been hit by a tornado and they weren't sure what, if anything, had happened to their house (thankfully no major damage and everyone was ok). Basically, even when you are overwhelmed with blessings in your life, there are still some crappy things that like to show their face.
I have made it a habit to read the scriptures before worship so that I can just listen and really take it in during worship. I was really excited to see this verse today because I knew Rev. Evans would take it somewhere great, and it is also a favorite of mine and a great reminder after a week like this. Even with everything that is thrown at us every single day, God is always with us and helping us and none of this can outweigh what God does for us. Even more importantly, this scripture reminds us that not only is God with us during all of these trials, but that we are conquerors of them as well. It is really hard to think about that sometimes when we feel like we are drowning in all of life's problems so this is a perfect reminder.
So, no matter what is going on in your life- looming due dates for projects, language midterms, deaths of loved ones, breakups, debt collectors, fights with friends, sickness... all of it is something that we can and will overcome with God by our side. Why? Because NOTHING can separate us from God... the scripture says so!
The only downfall to all of this? Even though God is with us and we will overcome everything, I don't think this means I can not study and overcome my midterm... so, back to work!
Another great part of being up here in Richmond is that once again I have been given a great opportunity to visit churches in the area while I look for a home away from home. I seem to have settled on one (Second Presbyterian)- great minister, great people, lots going on as far as mission at home, and a great youth program (the last two being my prime focus). Today, the minister finished up a sermon series on Romans 8 and it really got me thinking about what is going on in my life and the world.
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[a]
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This past week, in addition to the stress and struggle with greek, I took time to remember the life of two very important people- my Uncle Bob (who unfortunately I didn't really have much of an opportunity to get to know well since his family moved away when I was little, but who I still consider myself to have been close to) died a few years ago after a long battle with cancer, and one of my best friends, Hope (she died in a car accident ten years ago, only 2 days after her birthday). In addition to remembering these incredible people, but big losses, I have been reminded of the trouble that our country is in every time I turn on my tv. Every day I pray that nothing will happen with my sister that will put her back in the hospital and away from her husband and girls, meanwhile, I got a call yesterday that had me on edge for a while when I was told her neighborhood had been hit by a tornado and they weren't sure what, if anything, had happened to their house (thankfully no major damage and everyone was ok). Basically, even when you are overwhelmed with blessings in your life, there are still some crappy things that like to show their face.
I have made it a habit to read the scriptures before worship so that I can just listen and really take it in during worship. I was really excited to see this verse today because I knew Rev. Evans would take it somewhere great, and it is also a favorite of mine and a great reminder after a week like this. Even with everything that is thrown at us every single day, God is always with us and helping us and none of this can outweigh what God does for us. Even more importantly, this scripture reminds us that not only is God with us during all of these trials, but that we are conquerors of them as well. It is really hard to think about that sometimes when we feel like we are drowning in all of life's problems so this is a perfect reminder.
So, no matter what is going on in your life- looming due dates for projects, language midterms, deaths of loved ones, breakups, debt collectors, fights with friends, sickness... all of it is something that we can and will overcome with God by our side. Why? Because NOTHING can separate us from God... the scripture says so!
The only downfall to all of this? Even though God is with us and we will overcome everything, I don't think this means I can not study and overcome my midterm... so, back to work!
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